Sunday, November 16, 2008

I want the basics.

Have you ever been so tired of your "life" that you just longed to figure out what you were here for??

There was a time when I believed I knew what I wanted...
-A career in radio where I could be the mid-day jock, in work after the kids left for school, home when they got home.
-------that was gone FAST when the reality of a career in radio was discovered after what, 21 years doing it? So the family/radio thing did not work out.

-The work from home mommy. I kind of fell into that one after MB was born. I was working overnights while DH was working days in the same doctor's office. I would bring MB to work, DH would take him home, hook him up to the dialysis machine and I would come home around 3am, crash on MB's bedroom floor with my hand through the crib slates so he would know I was there, ready to jump on any of the wild and numerous alarms that sounded through the night so DH could get a few hours of sleep....yadda yadda yadda, a transcription job fell in my lap. I had no training but showed aptitude (something I appear to have an abundance of...if people are willing to look).
--------that ended when I decided people were more important than work and lost my job while helping a sick la vie!

-The work out of the home mommy, but that's okay b/c MB is in school. Yeah, I can do this. I have been doing it very successfully...duh...see aptitude above. I can do ANYTHING....but where is the love...where is the joy. It AIN'T at work. LOL. (sorry grammaticarians...I had to do it....and I think I just made up a word to boot!)
--------it has not ended and, in fact, continues like it makes me happy. It's a paycheck. I enjoy what I do and the company is okay, but it is stressful.

so, what is my first love? What makes me happy?? Well, to some extent, writing, but I'm so insecure in my abilities that I don't think I have a chance with that unless I'm writing copy or something like that. So what else?

Food. No, not eating it, though that rocks when it's done right, but I love cooking good food!!
Tonight for dinner, I grilled steaks, make eggplant Parmesan and cooked butternut squash...and made fresh baked bread (I did not do that from scratch though, not a great baker, but a great cook indeed!).

The food was FANTASTIC. I had never made butternut squash before. I have not made eggplant Parmesan in YEARS and steak...well, get a good grill and that is easy peasy. Oh, also baked a potato for DH since he was scowling at me when he saw the eggplant and the squash!!!

I am not sure how to pursue this or if I want to. It's fun to prepare good food and make people, myself included, happy. Do I want to do this for a restaurant full of picky unappreciative people?

I am not sure. I am still exploring what I want to do when I grow up...since I'm 40, I better figure this out soon.

Sunday, November 02, 2008


I stand corrected. Thank you Adam.

I still think the man is not right for America. I followed up on Facebook....

I deleted the blog entry here.

Thanks again Adam.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

I have never seen the righteous forsaken or His seed begging for Bread

Times are tough. Very tough right now. Finances are at an all time low around here. I wonder if the federal government will consider buying me wait, I don't want them telling me how to spend my money. But I sure wouldn't mind a large severance package. Then I get money and a vacation. LOL.......

But I digress.

Things are tough around here financially. The fridge and pantry are virtually empty. Not completely momma, so don't panic. See, I'm hanging on to the words in the title there. God will supply all my NEEDS according to his Riches and Glory. Not MINE. It is not my righteousness, its His, by the way. It's HIS promise. It's His to deliver. For once, I don't have to worry, HE does not lie.

This Friday we got paid. We also got our first electric bill under $300. Thank God we can now open windows when we are home and reduce AC consumption dramatically. It's a little warm at times, but livable.

This Friday MB had to go to the doc (read unexpected co-pay). One of our cats was hit and died as well. I will miss him greatly, he was my favorite. I have to admit to you though that I was grateful he died, and we hope it was instantly, because that meant no vet bill. Then, was we were getting ready for our yard sale next weekend (please people show up and buy our toys and stuff!!) the kitten got a fishing hook caught in his paw. That reads something like this:

Fishing pole with locking hooks: $45
Kitten full of curiosity: about $25 per month in food and $15 in litter- $40
Emergency Vet visit to have fishing hook removed from bleeding paw - $200.
Having the Vet staff nickname your kitten "fish-hook": priceless......

Apparently he was the 4th one this week. Is everybody cleaning the basement? Oh, we also had him neutered (Bob Barker would be proud) and gave him his shots, feline leukemia test and feline AIDS test, worm test and whatever else little adopted stray kitties need. Happy to say he was sent home with pain killers and antibiotics. I have a stoned kitten.

Oh, we also went to Home Depot and got some really cheap ceiling fans to move the air in our sun room better so we can keep the air off and hopefully reduce heating bills in the winter as well. That was $75. (see, told you they were cheap).

So we got paid on Friday, and the bills are not paid, and the food is not purchased, and the money is leaking quickly.

I am STANDING on "I have never seen the righteous forsaken nor His seed begging for bread".

Friday, September 19, 2008

Brother can you spare a gallon....

Gasoline. Motor-go-go juice, the fluid that keeps America moving. Can somebody tell me where it has all gone? I KNOW we just had a hurricane move through Texas and we shut down oil production there for a few days...but COME ON. Wasn't that like a week or two ago (I lose track of time easily!). How about kicking those grasshoppers back into gear?

I dare you to try to find a gas station in the Nashville, Tennessee area with gas today. OH wait, there are a few. If you find them you will also find crazy lines like in the 70's when I was a kid and grandpa and grandma said "hey, lets go to the Phillips 76 fueling station and get some gas. Pack a picnic kids, we are gonna be there a while".

The panic must have begun early because by around 1pm I was hearing the buzz around the office start with "better fuel up this weekend...the government said there will be no gas for 5 days!" RIIiiiiiight. The entire country with no gas for 5 days. Listen to the environment sigh in relief and take a deep breath of fuel fume free air while everything "gas engine" stops for a work week. Um. I seriously doubt that. Yeah, in Nashvegas we have had runs on gas stations in the last week or so. Most stations are only selling cigarettes, cold beer, soda and chips right now, but a few are cashing in with the precious petrol! I'm actually proud of them. The 2 places I saw that actually had open pumps were only selling it for $3.99 a gallon and $3.91 a gallon. Still ridiculously high, but more reasonable than last week. Unfortunately, the lines for those pumps bordered on the Chicago Loop at rush hour. ... long and stopped. The local Wally World has pumps, and gas, for 3.91 per gallon....and lines that snaked up and down every Super parking lot path, literally, and into the lot and around the Blockbuster and and and.....seriously, even if they limited gas to 5 gallons per person, they still would run out before everybody was served. This is pathetic.

P a t h e t i c.

I'm half tempted to sit in on the panic buying as one vehicle has 1/4 tank and the other has about 1/2 tank of gas and we have church, work and school next week to think about...not to mention grocery shopping and hubby's birthday celebration. Oh, and we have the older boys this weekend, so another trip to the other side of town to drop them off.

So, fine, American Government, Oil barons in Texas and all the Oil Mongers we are overpaying in the Middle East, how about a few truckies with some gasoline in them head to Tennessee and soon before there is a real problem...not just panic buying, crazy lines and angry people reminiscent of the 70's- when people at least had mary-jane to mellow them out.

Monday, September 15, 2008

School, and all the other little things that make you gray!!

We are half way through the first semester of school already. Seriously. Scary and serious. MB starting off with a BANG!!! Out of the gate, lots of A's. I am so happy for him that we started the "A clip" on the fridge. Basically, if he gets an A of any kind it goes on a magnetic clip on the fridge. You see, I do this because MB is a bit "high drama". If you know him or me or my husband at all you know it's true and you know where he gets it from. Not pointing fingers, draw your own conclusions. LOL.

Anyway, MB can get really down on himself when he gets a bad grade, so I continually refer him to his A-clip. Hooray for mommy....I'm such a good mommy...pats for the mommy......

Until 2 weeks ago when MB brought home his first official F. Yeah, I said F. FAILED FREAKED FRACTURED non-FUNCTIONING EEEEEEEFFFFFFFfffffff. Mommy is a failure. My world collapsed. My boy got his first F. In my attempts to not over-react, I grounded him, took away TV privileges and cried for hours on the sofa lamenting his F and my obvious failure as a parent.

Well, no. I really didn't do ALL of that. I did do some of it and I will not tell you which thankyouverymuch. So now I am on a Perfect Mommy quest to find ways to help this child not flunk first grade and permanently harm his educational reputation. How will he ever get into an Ivy League school if he flunks out of first grade. It's truly the end of his educational prowess isn't it.

His teacher is a sweet lady, who I am beginning to appreciate more and more. She is willing to give him special spelling tests because I am beginning to believe he may be dyslexic because of the way he gets them wrong. But apparently they do not test for that till third grade. I wonder why.

Well, we brought home a D last week...essentially KILLING his A that he earned on everything in the first half of the semester. Somebody help me with ideas on how to help this kid. His teacher gave us a GREAT website called spellingcity to type in his words and let him play with them ( check it out. I like some (but not all) of them. The hang mouse is good and pick the missing letter...but the mixed up word has extra letters, not good when we are already adding extra e's to everything.

So, mommy is trying to lick her wounds and get over baby not being as eager in school as she always was as a kid and MB is trying to work harder and hopefully smarter. We have made a few adjustments to schedules like no TV on school nights and no more Spongebob or Fairly Odd Parents or just plain old mind numbing TV shows. It's gotta educate in some way. He can watch PBS and he can watch Dora for all I care, but no more mind numbing gahhhahhahahaaaa or Squidward.

I wonder if we can undo the damage we have allowed. Lets reharness that love of books and nature and all things wonderful and educational.

I was serious about the ideas people.

Monday, September 08, 2008


Does the title intrigue you? If you or a loved one has a wart, it should.

MB is immunosuppressed. Basically, we like having him around and with that kidney transplant, there are lots of immune suppressing medications so his cute little body does not turn on the pink fluffy kidney daddy gave him 6 years ago.

That being said, lots of uglies like to pop up on said cute little body. The Molloscum Contagiousum (sounds like a Harry Potter spell doesn't it) is still struggling to stay in place, though I think after 2 years of this pain in the neck are about over. We are on an experimental medication that seems to finally be working after we tried so many others. We have to be careful nothing processes in through the kidney so we don't hurt it. So that battle is leaning toward our side FINALLY.

So, we realize, in holding MB hands, that they are covered .. COVERED.. in warts. I kid you not. One poor little sweet finger had 5 warts on ONE FINGER. He had a total of 17 or 18 on his hands. Poor kid.

So we see the dermatologist who prescribed the meds for his MC and he says "there is this wart stick, you can get it over the counter at any pharmacy. It looks like chapstick, but it's acid. Get it and some duct tape."

Yeah, I said duct tape, we got florescent green just to make MB happy with the color choice.

Well, we found this lovely wart stick (and that is it's proper name, btw, Wart Stick). We soaked MB's hands in warm water, took a nail file and filed down the head a bit, rubbed in the Wart Stick, and duct taped over his warts.

I am the happiest momma ever. In just 2 weeks ALL, every single one, none remain....yeah I am not kidding there are no warts on MB's hands. There is some slight scaring from his mommy over filing ......but seriously....he has nice beautiful smooth omgicanholdhishandforever hands again.

So I told a friend and she said I owed it to the general public to tell you about the Wart Stick.

You have been told.

Here are the directions to get rid of the warty warts one more time:

1. Soak hands for 5 min in warm water
2. file down head of wart (this should not hurt. If it does, you too are being a little too hard on the hand/arm/toe....wart area). Use cheap nail files and THROW THEM AWAY nightly so nobody accidentally gets warty warts.
3. Rub a little Wart Stick on the warts.
4. Tape the wart with duct tape so it can't breath and you drive the acid in to the wart.
5. The next morning, take tape off and SCRUB area with soap and water.

Now the precautions part:
Please Please Please Please please (get the seriousness of this yet) DO NOT put wart stick on your lips, on your eyes, on any mucous membrane. IT WILL BURN YOU BADLY. DO NOT attempt to eat the wart stick (it does not stink, but it does not smell like something you want to eat either).
Do NOT leave wart stick where your pets can eat it.
Please do not use on little children or ill people without first consulting your doc to be sure it is okay. Nobody wants a wart, but nobody really wants to hurt somebody they love.

Wart Stick...check it out if you have a frog bump *wink*

Friday, August 01, 2008

I have been tagged by Tamwill

Five Habits Meme

What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was working in a radio station in Champaign, Illinois, was music director, mid day announcer, everything I thought I wanted.

Five snacks I enjoy in a perfect, non-weight gaining world:
CHOCOLATE, Starbucks coffee, candy, cheese and ice cream.

Five snacks I enjoy in the real world:
popcorn, coffee, fruit, cheese, tea

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Hire a trainer/cook
pay off houses for all of my family and a few friends
start a scholarship fund for average students
give money away
stop in a gas station and pay for everybody's gas for 1 day.

Five jobs I have had:
Radio Announcer
EDI specialist for medical claims
Clerk in a CPAs office
pizza cook
survey taker

Five habits:
must have coffee in the morning but tea in afternoon
getting up 30 mintues before everybody to be alone
watching too much tv
fixing dinner on the fly
hating housework

Five places I have lived:
Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
Champaign, Illinois
Nashville, Tennessee
DeKalb, Illinois
Hazel Crest, Illinois

Five people I’d like to get to know better:\
my french fried friend
Military wife and mom

and anybody who wants to answer :)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Thyroid update

It's been almost 2 months since I had my thyroid out, well, really about 1 1/2 months. Not much has changed...sort of.

I'm tired all the time and stupid tired at that. I think my synthroid dose is too low because all I do is want to sleep, and feel stupid at work. I can stare at my computer and know I KNOW what to do and how to do it, but it takes a little time to put it all together and get it done. I am not sleeping well either, which I believe is a symptom of underactive thyroid. I am exhausted. EXHAUSTED.

I took a sabatical from teaching the 1 year old Sunday School class because right now, it's just too much. I really don't feel like I can keep up with somebody elses kids right now (mine either for that matter, but at least I have to push my energy to take care of MB).

I have only gained a couple of pounds, but that is frustrating because I'm not really eating. I'm just not hungry. I fill up REALLY fast and can not manage to eat more. That should be a good thing, but I'm not losing weight for it. Hmmmm.

I need to go get bloodwork done at my docs office, but I don't have any time off until 8/1 when MB signs up for school. The 2 hour day is registration, then they don't go back till the 11th. I really gotta get the labs done so I can show them chemically that I'm not right. I just don't feel right or good right now. FRUSTRATING!!!. I feel competely lazy, but I just can't get the energy to do anything.

So, the neck is healing quite nicely. The scar is so small. The surgeon did a fantastic job. So that's good. We just need to adjust the meds up a notch...or three or four.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008


This kid, I swear, is hysterical.

This morning he comes running into the sunroom while I'm putting my shoes on and says "mommy, you gotta come see this!"
and he's really excitable. I'm like...what?

Come on and see what I DID!.

I got into his room. He has taken his jammie bottoms (long pants with doggies on them, his favorites) and stuffed them with a blanket/lovey and his stuffed animals to look like he is still laying in bed! ROFLMAO.....

I cracked up. He was so proud of his joke. You should have seen his smile. I then told him, lets finish it and play a joke on Auntie C. So we took the top, wrapped 2 stuffed animals in it, tucked the arms under the pillow and made it look like he was laying in bed. Then I told my sister that MB went back to bed and she needed to go get his lazy butt up. She walks in the room, and is like "hey sleepyhead. mommy says you gotta get up" and goes to slap him on the butt.....

She totally fell for it.

We are such freaks at my house!

Saturday, June 28, 2008


The surgery is over and all is well. I have my voice and no thyroid. It was not cancerous. Praise God.

Now I can worry about the price of, oh, everything! Gas is crazy driving up cost of food and lets not talk about electricity. We got our first a/c powered electric bill this's $300!!!!


i'm so freaked out. I'm thinking one of us has to get a second job just to make it now.

I am trying hard to trust in God in all of this.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Today is the checkup after the surgery. I see both my endocrinologist and the surgeon today. The endo to check calcium levels, no doubt, and the surgeon to get the two stitches at each end of the incision taken out (assuming the internal are those lovely melting stitches. The scar is big, but not too gross. My neck itches like crazy!! I know that is good and that means it's healing, but it's still frustrating.

One fun little side effect I have discovered is that I lose my voice by the end of the day. I assume that will eventually go away, but it's not fun. Can't yell either. TOTALLY lose voice for a while if I do that (darn dogs). Finally, I can no longer sing. At least not yet. That kind of sucks. I enjoy singing. Hopefully that will come back. I guess I bring these things up today and get back with you later on that.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Post Op

Ok, they did the surgery on Friday. I finally feel human again, almost. There is a good cut across the midline of my neck, not the prettiest. I hope it heals up prettier than it is now or it will look like somebody slashed my throat.

I am exhausted. You would be amazed at how much your neck does for you. It gets you up in the morning. Try getting up without using your neck muscles. Try sneezing, coughing or taking a nice deep breath. But, it's getting easier with time.

I got yelled at for walking up and down the stairs yesterday and trying to do laundry. Yeah, it hurt, but there is only so much sitting in the recliner I can do. I have to sit up because it's too hard to get up from a laying position.

I did not have feeling in my left foot or right hand until today. It's so nice to have that back too!

I still have not heard from the doctors about pathology, but the Surgeon stated that nothing looked weird or dangerous....etc. Thank Goodness.

I should have a check up either end of this week or early next week.

Thanks for hanging in there.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Cloak and Dagger


You know what I hated about high school? The popularity contests.

You know what I hate about working in a big office with lots of people and cubicles? Politics and everybody taking and assuming the worst of others.

Put them together and you get a lot of people who wonder what somebody is up to when all they really wanted was to say "hi".

Cloak and dagger off and down.

It's been nice, ladies. I will always have fond memories of you and cherish what you all did when MB had his transplant. Not interested anymore though. You reminded me of why I left in the first place.

My motivation, since you ask, was simply to say hi, reach out to old friends while I was nervous about my future, see how your kids were, maybe see some pictures of those I miss.

No cloak.
No dagger...except the one in me.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

So tired of being tired

This whole waiting thing wears me out. I hate waiting (see previous post called I'm a bad waiter). The surgery is this week, but I want it done now. I am pondering the relationship between thyroid and blood sugar. I take glucose controling medication, and since they upped my synthroid dose my sugars have been taking strange and FAST nosedives. I have been horsing around with my meds to try to make the odd drops stop, but they keep happening. Yesterday, about 2 hours after dinner, I was fine, talking on the phone to my dad and after we hung up, I tried to stand up. Imagine my surprise when I COULD NOT STAND UP. I reached my meter and my sugar had dropped to 55. NOT a comfy feeling to be sure. I grabbed MB's half drunk root beer and guzzled it (which resulted in increased blood sugar and heartburn like there was a volcano in my chest). TUM TUM TUM TUM TUMMMMMMMMS. Thank heaven for Tums....and root beer in easy reach.

So, my body is freaking out on me and I just want to get this all over with. The anticipation is the part that freaks me out. Yeah, I'm a little nervous about the surgery in general, but I would rather get it over with.

I am so tired I do the dishes and need a nap. I cook dinner and need a nap. I could not even go to church today becuase I was too tired. Oh, and I thought my sugar would be ROOFTOP high this morning for the rootbeer...yeah, it was 105...perfect really.

Anybody know of links between thyroid issues and blood glucose levels?

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Happy Birthday Miracle Boy!!

His birthday is today and he's wound UP. He came in our bedroom at 6am and said HI mommy as he climbed up on me. I hugged him tight and said Happy Birthday baby. Can you believe he said "I knew you'd remeber!" LOL...this kid cracks me up.

We dressed his black cat Webkinz in a Webkinz tuxedo and put it on the laptop in the kitchen along with a scrolling screen saver that says "Happy 7th birthday MB!!!" and it looked like the toy cat did it. hehehehe.

His transformers room is almost ready. The bedding is in the dryer right now. His cake looks AWESOME. I paid a guy at work to make a transformers logo cake for me. I like to pretend I'm artistic, but I know I am not. LOL.

we have 6 scheduled to show for the party, 4 boys and 2 girls, 3 of the boys are spending the night. We will play with the splash rocket water sprinkler and have a "transformers" battle for the all spark in the back yard. We will have cake and ice cream with "transforming" chocolate shell (hehehe i'm stretching it for all I got!)

We got MB the bedroom and clothes for his Webkinz along with a lunch box for his Nintendo DS and skin for Nintendogs.

His brothers' got him a bumblebee transformer and a computer game.

My sister got him the blanket and sheets for his bed and extra transformer peel off stickers for his walls.

My little sister sent him a Walmart card for $25

oh. We also got him Veggie Tales Dance Dance Dance, but it's not here yet.

Party one over today.

Party two tomorrow for Biggest Brother's 15 (OMG....15!!!!) birthday. He got the LOTR battle for middle earth xbox 360 game and steaks for dinner.

busy day, gotta finish cleaning so the kids can mess it all up.

Before I go, I have to give thanks to God. 7 years of a wonderful boy when the doctors all said he would not make it six weeks. Thank you for giving me an amazing child and a long time to play with him and watch him grow into a mighty man of God.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Where we are at today

Here is the status update for those with the playing cards:

I do not have cancer. At least not that we know of. That is one thing they will check the whole thyroid for when they take it out on 6/6.

I am nervous. But not scared. The unknown is always a little intimidating, but I know who holds my future and the future of all of those I love and care for. So I'm good. By NO MEANS do I want to leave this planet and move "onward and upward", but God is really in control here.

I am exhausted. I ate lunch today and was SURE my sugar had to be in the 200+ range because I could not keep my eyes open. Yeah, it was 114, perfect for after eating. So the thyroid thing is really really really exhausting lately. I can just fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

My DH has been wonderful. Daddy's house of tacos cooked dinner last night and even cleaned up, sans doing the dishes, but he did the rest. He's a good guy.

MB's 7th birthday party is Saturday. I'm crazy enough to be having a pizza party/sleepover for the boys. Yeah. SOmebody examine my head. He's standing over my shoulder so I can't tell you all the fun stuff we have planned. Hehehehe.
We have done his room in Transformers, auntie C brought him sheets and a bedspread to match. We got him an Optimus Prime Fat Head type thing, basically a 40" wall decoration that you can peel off when it's time to rearrange the room or move on to older decorations.

So, that concludes this episode of "were we are today". Tune in soon for updates.

BTW, if you are from the May Mommy board, and you want me back, please send me an invite!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Ok, I see daylight, but we are not out of the woods yet

Well, I went to see the surgeon today. I have never met such a gracious man. He sat and LISTENED to me....seriously, everything and anything I said, he listened to me. He listened to me drone on about my kids, my husband, my job, etc. He listed to my medical history. He listened to my questions about the surgery. He answered my questions about the surgery.

They will take the right lobe of my thyroid and leave a small portion of the left to help create less trauma for the parathyroid system. There are risks. Vocal cord nerve damage/paralysis, parathyroid damage and the risk that there is still cancer here and we just missed it with the biopsy.

The surgery is coming up. I will let you in when I know more.

Life is an adventure, good thing I know the author!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

God ponderings

Today is a melencholy day. I had to get a steroid shot (long story short, I got the virus from Hades and it's wreaking havoc on my body) so I'm jumpy and moody all at the same time. Sorry hunny.

Anyway, I really really feel the need for God today in my day, life and moment. I cracked open the Word and was reminded of Jesus feeding the 5,000 and then telling the disciples to "quickly get away" while he dispersed the crowds. Wow. That would be like the biggest rock star saying to his/her band "run get in the bus, I'll handle the crowd." Some manager just lost his job. LOL. Anyway, Jesus protected his stunned and weary disciples by ushering them out to "protection" while he handled the pressing crowd who had been there all day. Much to the disciples dismay, however, when they tried to cross the water, the storm kicked up and they were rowing INTO the wind. Have you ever tried to do something that was seemingly IMPOSSIBLE? What on earth are you going to do about the wind. And what about the boat? Those things move with wind....and not in comforting ways (if you understand my green gills point). Not to mention the winds were pretty bad and the boat was probably staring to fall apart, maybe? The disciples were probaby mad and scared and bitter that Jesus was not there suffering with them. The Word tells us that Jesus realized the disciples could not cross for the wind and after a few hours went out across the water to them. The version I read said it was between 3 and 6am when Jesus went out to them.

How long were they on the waves? How scared were they? How hopeless did they feel??

They saw Jesus on the water and thought He was a ghost and became quite AFRAID. Well, yeah! Jesus was walking on the water. I know if my neighbor, friend, co-worker, relative, etc, came walking across water that was not frozen solid I'd freak too. But the Word went on to say "Jesus meant to walk PAST them". Why?
Still pondering that one.

but when they freaked, Jesus stopped, addressed them and calmed the waves.


Right now, no matter what is going on in life, my life or yours, please focus on that God waited, God walked and God stopped to help. He was never far off. He saw the disciples struggle in the boat. He saw the fear when they saw him on the water. He calmed the waves.

NO matter HOW far off God is perceived to be, He is not. He sees, He moves, He calms.

Monday, May 05, 2008

and the answer is.....

Thank GOD!!!

The nodules are benign. The right lobe is still huge, so they are trying to shrink it with more levothyroxine. I have read a bunch of stuff on the internet that says that does not work, but I go back in 3 months for another ultrasound. If it is still huge we will look at removing the right lobe.


thank you for your love and support.

I swear, if I were not at work I'd be bawling like a baby!

So I had this dream the other night.

I had a dream. In this dream, the woman who did my ultrasounds on the thyroid was the one who told me the situation.

She said, "Well, there were 4 larger nodules. We biopsied one on the left and one on the right." Then, in my dream, she went on to say "The left one is fine, but the right one is a dirty little lump". ROFLMAO....does that mean the right one is just bigger or that it's the nasty C word? Or does it mean I have really weird dreams! Somehow, I think it was because I got back on the internet on Saturday night and looked up EXACTLY, according to medical school books, your thyroid does. They pretty much show things bluntly to med students you know. So I read all the stuff your thyroid does and that if there are multiple nodules it is less likely to be cancerous. I also read that the sudden increas in the size of the right nodule along with the pressure on my trachea means it could be cancer.

So basically, I'm still poorly waiting on the answer from the biopsy.

I have to tell you the other thing that kind of freaks me out is that in a small percentage of instances of FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration) they don't get a good enough sample and have to re-do the biopsy. I think this freaks me out more than anything. I hope to never have to do that again. It hurt a LOT more than I expected. It still hurts when I cough, yawn or sneeze hard.

Maybe we will get answers today. Dad comes tomorrow and we are trying to keep him out of the loop, at least until there is something definative.

and now for something completely different.....

My DH and MB planted some raspberry bushes for me yesterday for my Mother's day gift. How cool is that. I can't wait till we get some yummy fresh fruit without paying $5.25 for a 1/2 pint.

Friday, May 02, 2008

I'm kinda glad nobody is really reading this right now

It means I can be honest.

I am a poor waiter. I don't mean waiting tables, I mean waiting. I could not wait to find out the gender of my child, so the first opportunity I had I found out he was a boy. I could not wait to get out of high school, so I graduated early. I wanted to hurry up and go to college, so I technically dropped out of high school early (with permssion since I was passing everything with an A) to go to college early. You see a pattern here?

I hate waiting.

This whole "waiting for good or bad news" is making me nuts. I'm already exhausted, have a sinus infection on top of whatever this thyroid mess is, and really just want to sleep. I would not say I am depressed, because honestly, I am not. I am just tired...tired and I hate waiting.

I wish I would get the call, email, whatever NOW so I don't have to wait anymore.

I am a take action kind of person. I want to know if I have to be ready to fight or just simply ready to have the darn thing cut out so it stops choking me.

I just want to know. NOW.

Thanks for waiting with me if you really are here reading this.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Wow it's been a long time, how things change

I can't believe I have not been here since Christmas. Well, yes I can. We have been working on moving. Selling a house in a crisis market and finding one we can afford. I'm happy to say that these aspects are taken care of. We now have gone from a 1048 sq foot house to a monster of a 2200+ unfinshed basement house. We got a decent deal, but it's a LOT More money, and for somebody who is always stressed about money, that is not a good thing.

We are happily and slowly trying to unpack.

My dad is coming for a visit next week to see our new house. He is "trial visiting" to see if he could live with us. Ha. This ought to be fun. He really does need to get out of Texas though. He is entirely too far away if and when he needs help. It sucks that he is so far away.

The other thing I am a bit reluctant to note less my father actually find my blog. I am in the midst of a "pseudo medical crisis". It appears I have some nodes on my thyroid that are pretty big. I had a biopsy yesterday. That was most uncomfortable. Basically, 2 needles in each lobe to "numb" and then 5 passes with a needle into each suspect nodule to test for the Big C, for a total of 14 sticks in my neck. Yeah. You never realize how much you use your neck muscles when you bend over, sleep, turn your head, etc. until it feels like somebody has punched through your neck. I'm exhausted and in pain basically. The bad part is we will not know for another few days if it's bad or not so bad news. The not so bad is that they are taking the thyroid out anyway because it is so big and swollen and pressing on my trachea. We won't talk about the bad. I really don't think it is anyway.

MB turns 7 this month. He wants a pizza party/sleepover. I have had to explain over and over that the girls can come for pizza and cake, but not for sleepover. No mixed sleepovers...not even at 7.

We also have adopted a golden retreiver named, Goldie. LOL. She's a mess, but at least she is good to MB and does not pee in the house. She sleeps contentedly by DH's bedside. LOL. He hates that. We are also house sitting a friend's bird dog while she looks for a house. She was buying/selling the same time we were and her deal fell through, so she's rather homeless (we offered to let her live here, but she's too proud) but her dog has a big yard to run in now.

I forgot to mention that. We live on a busy street now, but we have a HUGE back yard. I'm getting berry bushes for Mother's day!

Sorry it's been so long. I will be a better blogger and update more frequently. Check in as we walk through the Valley of the Shadow together.