I'm a new momma!

Anybody who KNOWS me knows I want more kids.

Anbody who REALLY knows me knows I have been "fixed" and can not have any more children.

Today, my husband, who obviously loves me, made me a mommy again.

This was a secret that was well hidden. If you thought you knew something I assure you, you did not.

I did not even know till he and Auntie C walked in the house today with the MOST BEAUTIFUL loving pitch black baby kitten! I'm in love. I named him Felix II (anybody who knows me well enough to call me by any of my nicknames knows Felix was the end all be all cat I had when I was a teenager. He is the cat by which all cats are now judged (Boots the standard for all dogs!).

This little guy is awesome.

How did I get a cat from a man who is allergic to cats??

My sister's cat ran away 2 weeks ago and does not appear to be coming back. We all miss girly girl. My husband knows I love black cats. They got me a black cat.

On a funny note, the people who gave us the cat asked my sister why she specifically wanted a black cat. LOL....they even asked if we were going to kill it on Halloween. Silly people, absurd timing I suppose.

So, My MB is excited because Felix's bed is in his room. He's giddy with joy that Felix will be in his room and responds to toys, and loves to play.

This is so sweet. I love my hubby too.

Thank you for my favorite birthday present 1 month late ever.

One very politically incorrect observation....

Has anybody else realized the biggest problem with Bluetooth technology is not so much that people NEVER get off their cell phones now, but rather that you can not tell if the person walking toward you muttering, seemingly to themselves, is skitzo or talking on their phone.

Seriously people. It's kind of creepy to see you talking to yourselves all the time.

Just an observation. (and let me say here, I am NOT making fun of the mentally ill, that is a serious problem....I'm slamming your silly looking blue tooth technology).

Another year older

I had a birthday on Wednesday. Yup, older. More gray hair (my crowining glory). My family and I went to Red Lobster for dinner .....mmm crab legs!!! The closest we are going to get to real seafood in Tennessee. Nothing like crab legs in Florida though....they were my first.

As I got a little older you would think that I can get over the fact that nobody makes me a birthday cake for my birthday. Why is this. In my mind, it is WRONG to have to make your own birthday cake. RL did give me a cute little scoop of ice cream with whipped cream and chocolate syrup, but dudeee......how bout the yummy looking vanilla cheesecake???? MB enjoyed the ice cream.

I did blow out the candle and make a wish. What did I wish for you may ask. I have always been told if you tell it does not happen, but since I don't believe that, dear blogger friend, let me tell you what I wished for:

I wished for a year of healthy family members. With all that my mom has been through in the last year, she called and told me a few weeks ago that the doctors did mammograms, ultrasounds, bloodwork, sonograms and everything just shy of cracking her in half to see if she is really human and determined that she does not have a recurrent breast cancer, at least not in her breast, but all they could find was a cyst. She is not sure of the lung situation, because she just had pneumonia, but it seems to be better too. God is good!

Then MB started school. He is in a class with 16 other kids. Praying for health and safety for him.

I have my own issues....and who knows what else can be thrown our way.

I also wished for comfort in the lack of peace in the world around us.

Then I find myself THANKFUL that I'm upper 30-something years old and was excited that I can look back and see good and look forward to more good. My father wished me a HB yesterday and said just wait till you're 60. I said I can't wait. That means I got an additional 20+ years to live! He does not understand my acceptance with this concept. He is not a happy man....I AM a thankful, try to be happy woman.

I am thankful that though I was born 2 months early I am alive in a time where that was harder than usual.

I am grateful that in 1996 I survived a blood clot in my lung that almost killed me. ALMOST.

I am grateful that there are people who love me.

I am grateful for my husband and all he does.

I am grateful for my little MB who got up first thing in the morning on my BD and said "mommy, I have to sing Happy Birthday to you" and then proceeded to sing. Warmed my heart!!!

I am grateful that my sister is here with us and celebrated my birthday with me.

I'm just thankful for life on my birthday, today and everyday. It is my favorite birthday gift.

If you are not from Nashville this probably won't mean anything to you.

Today I am happy for an odd kind of reason. A person I never met was murdered, presumbably, 10 years ago. Today her killer was brought to justice. Now I'm not talking about Jon Benette Ramsey, thought I'm glad they found her killer and he confessed. I'm talking about a woman named Janet Levine. Her husband, Perry March, was (thankfully and with long overdue justice) found guilty of murder, tampering with the evidence and abuse of a corpse in her death. Her body has never been found.

The really really really sad part of this is that 2 children now have to live without either of their parents. One because she was threatening divorce and the other because he was callous and cowardly enough to murder her for it. After Mrs. Levine-March went missing 10 years ago a local TV station interviewed one of the children who said he could remember his mom leaving in her car, with her suitcase, and she thought to look up at his window and wave as she left. The problem with this was this was a couple of years after his mom went missing. Shortly AFTER the lawyer picks up his kids and moves to Mexico where he marries another woman and HIDES for 10 years.

The man's father moved to Mexico too. They both had to be extradited back to the US when formal charges were FINALLY made.

On this point I want to praise the police investigators and all the hard work they did on this case. I can not imagine the roadblocks that were thrown in their way. We have been told some of them, but I'm sure not all of them. In addition to running off to another country, Perry March was found guilty of trying to hire a hitman to kill his in-laws, Janet's parents. He was found guilty of stealing from the clients at the law firm he worked at. Charging thousands of dollars in fees and the billing the clients again for the firm....the clients got stuck paying legal bills twice. I don't care how much money you have, that sucks. Being a lawyer, he knew how to play the game and play he did. He tried to offer up deals on his way back to the U.S. "If I confess can you get me less time or time served" kind of crap. Not the words of an innocent man.

The MOST frustrating thing, aside from OBVIOUSLY feeding his son a lie about the day his mother disappeared for so long that the child really believes it to be true, is the fact that his lawyers actually tried to say because there was no body she was not really dead.

come on.....seriously. WHO did you think was going to buy THAT???

1. They were known to be fighting.
2. Friends and family say Janet was divorcing him and threatening to blow the whistle on his money scheme at work and take EVERYTHING.
3. Suddenly she's gone...while your daddy's construction business is laying a concrete foundation or driveway.
4. Your obviously ailing father confesses on video that HE HELPED YOU bury the body, but he can not recollect exactly where.
5. YOU begged for a deal on an airplane ride back to the U.S. before you stood trial for murder, conspiracy to commit murder, on and on....
6. Your son begs to not be put on the stand. (you think he's not gonna need a little help??)

Come on Perry, the best you deserve is the death sentance. Unfortunately, because it was 2nd degree murder you will get 12 to 25 years. I pray it's closer to 25 in a maximum security prison. You deserve at least that.

Your children deserve the truth.

Your children deserve to live with Janet's parents who can love them, share memories of their mother and help them get the help they need now that they too know you MURDERED THEIR MOTHER.

yeah, 25 years is too easy for you.

You know what I wish right now...?

I wish I could remember my password to pay the phone bill.

Lets see..
I have 5 bill log-in's with different passwords and IDs to remember
My email password and log in.
My Blog password and log in.
the bank log in and password
6 different passwords and log-ins at work, wait, 7 if you count the time card log in.
3 password/log in's to remember for my sister.
the PIN on my ATM card.
The login, password and phone number for the homework hotline we check every night.

is it any wonder my memory is cached out?

The sick part of it all, with all of this password crap, somebody still stole my credit card number.
HAH on them....we were almost at the limit anyway and you are BUSTED!

oh...hey, I forgot the login for my cell phone's voice mail...can't forget that....

now...where did I store that phone bill logon before we get cut off.????

And so it begins

This morning was the second full day of school for MB and you know what I heard.

"I LOVE school mommy, can we go now?"

bwhahahahahhahaha....yeah, right.

no, I heard "Mommy, I don't want to go to school today. I want to stay home with you all day."

Day TWO people!

I looked squarely at my son and said..
"Angel boy, I know you really are tired because you hem and haw at bed time and really have a hard time going to sleep by 8 and getting up for school at 6:15. You go back and lay down and mommy will make you a nice bowl of fresh fruit and yogurt for breakfast. I'll call off work and we can both just play on the computer all day."


man...you are easy to fool aren't you. Maybe not.

You KNOW what I REALLY said???

First I broke into a fit of laughter and then said : "BOY, you have at least 16 more years of school ahead of you. Get your little butt dressed and eat before I have to put wooden spoon to your little butt."

Then I got sassy pans attitude and told him to go back to bed and come out with a better attitude.

It worked.

Got him to school . He had a great day.

You know, life is a lot like my son's attitude. When you really don't want to do something or you don't get enough sleep, I don't know about you kind blog friend, but I get a little grumpy. I pray that I allow God to send me to my room (or at least my knees) till I get my attitude adjustment.

Just another deep though from a common day. Kids. They teach you something every day.

I see you peeking...waiting....wondering

Yes, MB went to Kindergarten on Monday for his first 1/2 day. I was fine. No weeping, puddling or tugging at his little body to come back with me to the safety and security of his own home. I didn't even cry when we (DH and I) walked out of the school after dropping him off. NOPE. None of that. I did well up a bit when I called my mom and said "My baby is in school!" but my mom is not a softie...not at all. She was kind of like "so what" so I sucked it up and went to work. I did get my Dreamer to bring MB and the brothers to work so we could have lunch together and debrief the day.

He did fine. He even liked it.

Now today was the first full day of Kindergarten. I dropped him off. Told the PALS committee I was intersted in joining (the PTA here is PALS) and walked out of the school. Got in my van and started off to work.....and

wait for it......

wait for it...

cried my freaking eyes out! It's a good thing I don't wear much makeup or I would have looked like my face melted.

I left my baby...excuse me....big boy, little man, sweet kiddo in the care of a capable Christian lady (in a public school, but when a teacher gets happy when you tell her you pray for her every day, you know where she stands). I know he will love her. She loves the kids so much. There are new friends...etc.

MY BABY IS ALL GROWN UP!! (well not all grown up. I still pick his clothes so he will match and make sure he drinks some milk).

Ok, I'm over it for now. Why does my mind go all kinds of crazy places when I step away from my boy? I know I'm over protective and God is in charge of this kid, but man....my imagination is over active.......very very overactive.

So we have our new teacher, new school, new routine (which I abhore, but we will discuss the craziness of that later) and now, let the fundraisers begin. We ALREADY have a fundraiser...yeah, first full day, I've been indoctrinated.

anybody want to buy some school junk??

happy Anniversary

My hunny bunny and I recently celebrated our 7th anniversary. (Lets see how many pet names I can call my precious during this post. Love you schmookins). Since we are trying to get the financial thing together in a better way we decided we would not spend a lot of money on gifts for each other. BUT we did decide on one gift we both wanted and share it.

We discovered our ideal gift while watching television one evening. No, it was not a housekeeper from the Brady Bunch (but if anybody wants to send one over we'd take the housekeeper), it was not a new and improved shampoo or new diet plan. It has to do with a band. My favorite band of all time to be exact. We happened upon a video of Pink Floyd live in concert. I don't know why I love their music so much, but I always have. Since I was like 10 or maybe even younger. I dreamed of seeing Pink Floyd live in concert. Never happened. Then the band broke up when Roger Waters and David Gilmore had some kind of artistic disagreement and that was the end of the Pink.

I was bummed. Then I found out they toured in 1999 and I MISSED IT???? what was wrong with me in 1999. So I missed my opportunity to see my fav band live. Then I MISSED the reunion on MTV for psunami relief (which I heard was annoying at best since MTV thought it best to TALK all over the performace of a lifetime. Punks.

So we spied with our little eyes the PULSE dvd. I looked at my sugar bits, who I have exposed to the viral quality of Pink Floyd's music, and he said "order it". To which I said..."it can be our anniversary gift" knowing he loves it too. We never did order it. Nope.

But you see, my sweetie works with other music lovers and caught sight of the DVD in the hands of one of his co-workers and asked "Hey man where did you get that?" The reply.....Best Buy (shameless plug of Best Buy). My darling then, on his way home from work, stopped and got the DVD for our anniversary...

wait, it gets better.

He not only got it, but about at 1/2 of what we would have paid if we got it from the TV ad (there, now go save money yourselves if you love Pink Floyd).

So my soul mate and I watched Pink Floyd in all it's 2 disk concerted glory (and it is FANTASTIC!!!) over the course of 2 nights. Oh goodness, LOVED IT. It made me really feel like a jerk for missing the show. The little bass player, though a cutie, can NOT sing. Thank goodness he only attempts it once. I LOVED it. So did the daddy. but he fell asleep 1/2 through the 2nd disc. That's ok. I rocked enough for us both.

So, Babe, thank you for getting this for us for our anniversary. I love you pookie.

Oh soo very HOT

Ok, it's just barely August now and it is HOT.......HOT.

No, not just summer hot but wicked disgusting "do I have to step outside?" hot. I write this at 6:30 in the morning and it is already 82 degrees outside. Yeah, 82 is not bad, but add the humidity and it already feels oppressively hot at 6:30 in the morning.

We have 2 auto manufacturing plants near here and they actually SUSPEND PRODUCTION during the day so we commoners can have AC in our houses.

How hot (and humid) is it where you are? We are due for another 105 degree day with the humidity factored in. This is about the 3rd week of this now. With this heat, ask yourselves this:

If you create a HUGE parking lot, why not concrete instead of blacktop or why not paint the blacktop white with black lines??? The walk across the parking lot at work is enough to dehydrate a girl.

Why does lake water get so warm so fast? Going to the lake to cool off is like swimming in a warm tub. It's just not worth the walk across the blacktop again.

and finally

how do you keep a kitchen cool when you need to cook dinner? There are only so many salads a family like mine is willing to eat before they want FOOOOOOD and that means an oven. I can not eat another egg sanndwich in an attempt to keep the oven/stove off.

Share your coping tips here!

I wish I were still a stay-at-home mom...

I got sick on Friday... It was nasty and very uncomfortable. I even called off work because of me...something I NEVER do. Not only that, but it was an incentive meeting day...the day they hand out certificates, balloons, donuts and (my motivation at work) money. But I missed it. I will still get my balloons, certificates and money, but no donuts (who needs those anyway), but I kind of like the excitement of the incentive meetings. But I was HURTING BIG TIME sick...so I stayed home.

Now that I feel somewhat human again (though still queezy and tummy still hurts) MB is puking all over the house. What was lower intestine for me (Thankfully really, I hate puking) MB has upper GI. He started puking while sleeping in my sister's bed (with her permission while she was at work) at 2am. So though I was barely over my tortuous problem, now I have to take care of MB because DH can not handle puke. MB has been vomiting off and on all day, but if you ask him, he feels fine. And he does not have a temperature. This fits me out into torturing myself worrying about rejection as it always does when he gets sick out of nowhere, but I can get him to drink a little and he has eaten a bit without throwing up.

We see his nephrologist on Tuesday. Pray for us that this is just a tummy bug and I got it and because he will never leave me alone, even when I'm sick, probably gave it to him. I pray that is all it is.

The big problem for me is that I have to go to work tomorrow. I know his aunt and daddy will be home with him, but when you are sick you want your ....... mommy.

Man, I wish I could still be a stay-at-home or even work-from-home mom again.

WHAT THE FAST FOOD INDUSTRY DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW.

I read the book called "Chew on This"....yup I did. It caught my eye at the library last week and I read the whole thing...no, devoured it would be the correct term, like a Big Mac Meal with fresh hot fries and large diet coke......

but I have to say, this book GROSSED me out so badly that I can no longer eat fast food. period.

I now have problems grocery shopping in general.

The book is a good read. The beginning is all about the birth of the interstate and with it the drive thru window. Sad really. Wonderous apple orchards turned to concrete jungles. But that, my friends, is just progress in our day and age; the progression of order to chaos.

Then it got to the cool stuff. How McDonald's got the french fry and the very cool sounding potato gun cutter. Seriously, how could anybody who likes gadets pass this one up. It sucks up the potato, strips the skin off while pressure "blowing" the potato through a wicked sharp blade that cuts every potato perfectly. Sweeeeeeeet.

Then the horror of the fast food industry seeps into the warm sesame seed bun heaven. I was so disheartened at how the beef is raised and consumed that I am wondering how we can find out if we are eating free range beef at every turn. The chicken chapter made me cry...seriously. How on EARTH are we eating chickens that are so fat and kept in spaces where they can't move that they are having friggin heart attacks...CHICKEN>>> having HEART ATTACKS! If you are what you eat we are in some serious trouble my friends.

Then the whole soda thing, which has caused me to limit my kids consumption of soda to one or 2 per week, a change they are none to happy about. I myself only drink diet soda and then not very often. Too much carbonation...heartburn you know.

Then the obvious abuse of kids in the system of the fast food mega giants. Yeah, I know somebody has to do it, but when it affects the kids, not cool. I remember working long LOOOOOOONNNNNNG hours at my parents pizza place, but it was not to the detriment of school. And they still make the kids pay for their food, if they want to eat that stuff.

The whole book broke my heart. I have sworn off the stuff. I just can't do it. If one, yes, ONE fast food mega giant with a clown and golden arches can control the way chickens are killed for food and the price of eggs and beef....i'm truly saddened.

So, MB, get over it, mommy is no longer shopping in the arches, with the king or any of them really. I'm just disguested.

"My earthly kingdom for a bathroom"

ROFLOL.....

here's the sitch, as Kim Possible says, we have 3 adults and 1 5-year-old in our teenie, tiny house now and only one ....um...facility. Normally this is not an issue as our schedules differ greatly. I get up before my husband. My sister gets home as we are getting up....not much of a backlog there. But add in the other kids every other weekend and we have some real problems developing.

I know there are exercises to increase the tautness of one's buttocks, but tell me, is there an exercise to increase the size of one's bladder????

My kingdom (on earth, nobody gets the good stuff in Heaven baby) my kingdom for another bathroom .....

and I really could use a bigger kitchen and laundry room....

and is a mud room too much to ask for...wrap around portch and maybe a little storage....

oh and 4 bedrooms.

I ask too much *wink*

Utterly invisible.

Have you ever felt utterly invisible? I have this feeling occasionally, but for some reason lately more than ever. I wish I could say that my invisibilty meant God's visible through me....but I'm not sure that is it either. I just feel invisible.

alone in a house full of people.
alone in an office full of activity and people on the phones.
alone in the church pew.
alone in the grocery store, on the freeway, alone.

I'm wishing and praying for some intrapersonal relationships, but my alone-ness is growing.

I hope I grow out of it soon.

My sister lives with us now and I love it. I spend a lot of time talking to her about God and depression and hope. But I still feel alone.

My son clings to me...but I still feel alone.

I pray, and KNOW I am not alone, but still feel alone.

I sit with my husband and feel alone.

I'm gagging myself now with my self pity. See you 'round.

Summer reading list

We are on vacation, sort of, this week. Visiting my in-laws, and hoping to see my mom before she moves to Texas.

While visiting my in-laws, I have to confess a guilty secret. I LOVE books. Not just "wow, I really like to read" but I LOVE BOOKS and so does my MIL (Mother-in-law for those now familiar with on-line shortcuts). I was sitting in her office and gazing longingly at all of the wonderful books on her shelves when I spotted a book about the friendship of C.S. Lewis and JRR Tolkein. OHHH man. I wanted to stop talking to everybody and read that book. I behaved myself and asked to borrow it....it and about 10 0ther books at this point. My MIL is awesome and we have this whole shared existance a few years apart (you thought I'd give you her age didn't you!)....we are frighteningly similar in many many ways (It is true boys, you marry your mom....ask my husband). So she, of course, loaned me the book...and the others...and then added a few she knew I would like to read. I'm giddy with anticipation. Now, I don't have time to read them now...you know...running all over creation to try to catch up with old friends and family in the area. But I tell you what. I have not watched TV in about a week now and, though I will admit I miss it, I will be missing more when we get home because I want to read these books. I will tell you about them as I go if you are intersted. I have not had a great read in a long time. There are only so many times you can read Jane Ayre or The Red Dwarf before you gotta get some new literature in you.

So thank you Momma.....I'm sorry I'm taking about 1/8 of your personal reading libarary with me back to Tennessee *grin* You can visit it in November when you come for your conference.

Ethical dilema.....what would YOU do?

We had MB's birthday party last week at a local bowling alley. Sooo much fun was had by all who bowled and came to celebrate the birthday of one special kid. We also had a bit of family drama that day, so my mind was muy preocupado......

I settled up with the bowling alley after 3 hours of 15 people cosmic bowling. It was a bit higher than expected, but really, everybody had a great time and it really was quite a deal for 3 hours of 15 people bowling. The tab was $103.00. I handed J at the counter the fantastic plastic (yeah I know, should have paid cash, but was not sure how many ppl were going to show up and bowl). He ran the card, my cell phone rang......I didn't pay attention.

I check the credit card bill and the bowling alley charged me 1.03 Yeup, one dollar and 3 cents.
There is the ethical dilemia I mentioned. We are not a rich family by any means....humble and broke is usually the situation. So what would you do?..........





if you really KNOW me you already know what I did, and I did it without hesitation or remorse (though the totally selfish, cheap side of me cringed a bit) I drove back to the bowlig alley over my lunch yesterday to try to pay the man. They were not open. So I drove back again AFTER work and walked to the counter. J was not in sight, so I told somebody "I had a party here last weekend and was micharged". She got the manager who came out of the office ready for a fight.
I had to explain what happened twice. I was not sure if the look on his face was "how stupid are you lady" or "Wow, an honest person", but I told him he only charged me $1.03 and I needed to pay the difference. I just hope his ethical side comes forward and he does not fire the poor girl who didn't realize that HE charged me to little.

So, what would you have done?

5 years ago.....

Five years ago my universe changed.
I thought I understood God.
I thought I understood love.
I thought I loved with all my heart.

I was wrong.

I found that out 5 years ago today.

Five years ago I thought I was happy.
I thought I was complete.
I thought I had everything.
I thought life was perfect.

I was wrong.

I realized that 5 years ago.

Five years ago today
I discovered what it is to be loved.
I discovered what it is to love completely.
I discovered how much God loves me, like a parent loves a child.

Five years ago today my greatest blessing was born.
Not perfect in the world's eyes, but definately perfect in my eyes.

Five years ago Dr. H popped a little blueberry baby over that curtain that separated my head from the amazing thing happening in my uterus as I had an emergency C-section.

I knew you'd be fine.
I knew you'd be perfect.
I knew you'd fight.

MB.....you have taught me what it means to love and really be loved.
You showed me God in a way I could NEVER have understood till there was you.
You showed me I can be stronger than I ever imagined possible and can be reduced to tears in a single hug, handprint and unsolicitated smootch.

You taught me I could tolerate a dog and sneak the cats food just to watch your wonderment of it all.

I know you have taught me a lot and I am sure there is more to learn.

You are my son,
my friend,
my smiles
and one day my brother in Christ.

May you walk strong and serve Him who has protected you for these 5 years.

Happy Birthday little man. You are the greatest gift a mom could ever ask for.

Heard today in the "ninnyvan"

sxf (Sound effects for those who know know the abbreviation): Assorted car noises that sound like my poor old beat up van.

Mommy: What are you doing son?

MB: Guess what I am mommy..!!!

Mommy: I don't know. A car?

MB: Nope. I'm talking like your van... in SPANISH!

I swear...you can't make this stuff up!!!

I never thought it would happen...could ever happen.

I became a mother almost 5 years ago. In 10 short days MB will be 5 years old. I would not trade the mothering experience for anything in the world. I actually became a mom almost 7 years ago when I married my husband. He has 2 boys from his previous marriage and they are my stepsons, and though I love them dearly, they are not mine. I don't see them on Mother's day because they belong with their mother on Mother's day and I will not ever steal that from her.

Anyway, as we were in church this morning I thought about all of the women who desperately want to be mother's but can not for physical reasons. To you today, I want to wish you the love and joy friend's children and family's children can bring to you. To somebody, you are full of the love of a mother. They know it. How do I know and say this? Before I got married, my best friend's children were like my own. They knew I loved them as a mother loves her children and would do anyting... ANYTHING for them. Though they are not my children I would throw myself in front of a train and die for them if necessary. Stand in front of a loaded gun so they would be safe. The same things I would do for my son.

My heart does ache for the women who can not have children of her own. It was supposed to be my story. That is why MB name is Samuel. Samuel's mother, in the Bible of course, prayed that God would give her a son. That she would be worthy of the name mother. Her husband's other wife had children and she lorded it over her and made her feel horrible about not having children. In that day it was a shameful thing for a woman not to have a child. She prayed and prayed so hard that the priest though she was drunk and tried to make her leave the temple. She told him what she had prayed for. God gave her a son and she named him Samuel because he was "asked of God". That is why my son is Samuel. I asked God for him. Begged. Pled. Cried for a child of my own knowing I was told my body was broken and would not accept a child.

The day I discovered I was pregnant was the most exciting and frightening day of my life. I remember looking at the pregnancy test and having a friend check it just to be sure I saw what I saw (the 2nd blue line). I rember sitting in the bathroom saying to my unborn child...."Fight, you are the most wanted baby in the world!". He still fights. His life has been a hard road so far. He was born 2 months early in renal failure but too small and weak to start on dialysis, spent 6 weeks in the NICU before coming home for the first time, went back in the hospital for another 6 weeks and was started on dialysis which we did at home every night for a year, got a kidney from daddy, had several surgeries in between for hernias and recathetrizations. This boy tried to die too many times for me to count. So many opportunities for the gift to be stripped from me. I am thankful he continues to fight and do so well. My pregnancy was frought with problems as well. I had to shoot insulin from the 3rd month on. I had to take shots of Heparin every day (a blood thinner) because of a history of blood clots. I ended up in the hospital on strict bedrest (only allowed to sit up to eat and stand up to go to the bathroom) for 6 weeks (could you imagine how insane I would be if he held out all 8 weeks he was early!). I was on a high dose of blood thinners when I had an emergency c-section to deliver Sam. It was a hard road....and one I would love to take again. But it will not happen. This is a fact that it can not and really should not.

God has blessed me. The best thing that has ever happened to me is to be a mom. I have learned more about God and grace and forgiveness and discipline from being a mom than I ever would have understood if I were not a mother. God, thank you for the lessons. I know and pray that I have many many many more years of these valuable lessons as I watch my son become a man of God.

On Mother's day I have to tell you that being a mom also makes me appreciate all my mom did for us. The sacrifices she made and the hardships she withstood for us. I now understand how much it hurt her when we said we hated her ask kids. How much she apprecaited a hug for no reason at all.

Mom...I wish you were closer so I could hug you today and let you know I'm glad you are my mom. I love you.

To all the mom's out there. Hug your babies today. Put aside your anger and frustrations and make ammends. Let yourself FEEL really FEEL the love that is inside you for your child. Children are a gift from God and we moms are honestly the lucky ones.

MB, thanks for making me a mom. ... you deserve the gifts and love today. (I have to brag on a baby's love here. At his baby sitter's house he and the sitter's husband made a card for me and picked a rose from her garden. When he presented me with this rose, it was wilting and dying, but it smelled wonderful and MB and I played with it...hard. Sniffing it, kissing it, brushing it on our faces. I put it in a bottle of water I happened to have in the van but did not expect it to survive the night. The next morning when I got up that rose is alive, strong and well......it's baby's love that brought that thing back. Magic I tell you, love is Magic!).

Nothing quite like cleaning your kids room to make you realize

Makes you realize just how much JUNK you have in your house and when you house is only 1200 sq feet, there is not much room to begin with. I have spent 5 hours..yes, I did say 5 hours, now cleaining the boys room. MB shares a room with his bigger brother (1/2 brother) and they have WAY too much stuff in that tiny room. Actually, they have the big bedroom since they have to share it, but there is sooooo little storage room and Sooooo many toys it's disgusting.

I have had to lay down the law since I go through this every couple of months...the new rule...if you dump it you clean it. If you don't clean it and I have to do it again, I'm giving it away.
In fact, I'm trying to give some of it away today. I have a Big Big loader up for grabs as well as a couple of puzzles and an alphabet apple (cute game really, if you don't know your letters, which MB does).

So I'm cleaning and organizing again thinking...nay, knowing full well that I will have to do this again in a few months. Am I strong enough to get rid of toys.

I think I need the Supernanny to come kick my butt on this. He really does not have that many toys, the toys he does have have a lot of little parts. The scary thing, the parts only get smaller as they get older as evidenced by the bigger brothers' toys in the room.

did I mention how much I HATE leggos?

I guess I tackle my room and my Discovery Toys next. May have a sale on those soon to get them out of here. I think I may stop selling them....but I'm not sure yet.

Recent discussion at our house

Me: Hey baby, you gotta get dressed or we are going to be late for work.
MB: Moooooommmmmmmmeeeeeeeee.....you gotta stop calling me baby. I'm almost 5!
Me: Well, what do you want me to call you then?
MB: You can call me Sam or you can call me boy, but you can not call me baby anymore. I am not a baby...I'm a big boy...so you call me by my name or you call me boy. Okay?
Me: Well, give momma some time to adjust and correct me if I call you baby, but okay. I will call you Sam or I will call you boy. How about little man?
MB: Mmmmm. I'm not sure yet. I will tell you later (with a click click of the toungue and a wink and thumbs up thrown in here...I swear he does that all the time).
Me: Okay boy. I love you.
MB: I love you too mommy.

**Sigh**. Growing up too fast.

He talks about playing games with N, N's mom babysits MB....he told me the other day he and N were playing house....yeah house...."and our 'girls' are out shopping and we are cooking dinner so when they and the babies come back they can eat".

Still taking applications for his future wife. I need references including a pastor. *wink*