Are you there God, it's me, Margaret....

there are moments of my life and constants in my life that make me ask that question. Sometimes it is a prayer, sincere, heartfelt, honest. Are you there, God?? My head knows He is. My heart sometimes need convincing.

I don't know, maybe I'm Pollyannaish in my thinking. I want it all, a good job, a clean house, dinner on the table at a reasonable hour, a child that will do what he is told and a husband that not only says he loves me, but shows me in all the little ways that mean so much.

Lately, I must be missing something because I feel utterly lost, unloved, unlovable and bewilderingly invisible. I can be in the middle of a sentence to somebody and they walk away, start talking to somebody else or start talking about themselves. This, even after they ask a question. Then, they ask you for help and you are giving them the answer (work situation here) and they want to challenge the answer. If you KNEW the answer, why did you ask me??

I have another opportunity for possible advancement at work, but I really don't think I could take it right now. That place is all turning in on itself and it's not pretty. The job would mean more stress...and I'm about to snap as it is. I don't think I will take the opportunity that is presenting itself, though it is quite tempting.

Home life is just CRAZY.....crazy...crazy. The holidays, the kids, the money, the sister, the husband, the darn cat. I have always thought that when there is something about somebody that bothers you it is the plank/sawdust issue. The plank in your eye makes you dislike a person for the sawdust in his eye (which to him/her is a plank to the sawdust in your eye). I'm starting to wonder if that is true. On some levels I see it. On others, I think my peace peace mentality is killing me.

I lost 5 pounds. That is a good thing. I finally got my wish. I used to be a person who ate whenever they were stressed. Now, apparently, I am becoming somebody who can not eat when they are stressed. How is this good you ask? Well, I am about the size of 2 grown women. It's time for one to leave.

Unfortunately, the nice me is leaving with her. I am tired of being taken advantage of, being walked on and taken for granted. I hear the Word reminding me to not grow weary in doing good, but right now, I'm just weary of doing.

OK, my wandering is over.

I'm going to bed so I can get up before the sun and start it all over again.