Have you ever felt utterly invisible? I have this feeling occasionally, but for some reason lately more than ever. I wish I could say that my invisibilty meant God's visible through me....but I'm not sure that is it either. I just feel invisible.
alone in a house full of people.
alone in an office full of activity and people on the phones.
alone in the church pew.
alone in the grocery store, on the freeway, alone.
I'm wishing and praying for some intrapersonal relationships, but my alone-ness is growing.
I hope I grow out of it soon.
My sister lives with us now and I love it. I spend a lot of time talking to her about God and depression and hope. But I still feel alone.
My son clings to me...but I still feel alone.
I pray, and KNOW I am not alone, but still feel alone.
I sit with my husband and feel alone.
I'm gagging myself now with my self pity. See you 'round.
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8 comments:
Ria -
I've come here at least three times and have read and reread this post in the hopes of coming up with something to say. I was hoping for something profound and inspiring.
I feel inadequate.
I've noticed your absence but thought that it was because of your trip and your new job and life etc. I'd hoped that you'd be back sooner rather than later. Now, it seems, you feel like no one is noticing you.
I've noticed.
I hope you find some sunlight in there somewhere and if there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate. You know, like Brown Bread or something?
Hugs.
invisibility can be a profound opportunity to enjoy the rare event of how we gauge our own presence, purpose, and effectiveness at beaconing God in this world? After all, being invisible (metaphorically, anyway) is the purpose of the glass in the lighthouse lantern.
sometimes I feel the same way you do, Maria. TRULY, I do. And it is a hole I do gradually climb out of with the help of a very strong arm that lifts me.
He will lift you too. Reach up.
I know how you feel. Thankfully it is only temporary. I will keep you in my prayers and ask that God lift you up.
((((((HUGS)))))))
I hope you've begun feeling better since your original post. If not, please know there are a gaggle of women who love you!
((((huggies)))) Hope you are having a better day today. I feel a lot like that, but I don't yet have the belief you do in god. I think that is strong and helps some days. So take comfort in that.
I’ve thought and prayed about your post for a few days (or is it weeks) now. It seems like you’ve been gone a bazillion years already. But as I’ve prayed and thought about it, I think I have some insight – as weak as it may be.
When Adam and Eve fell in the garden, they didn’t just lose their relationship with God or even with each other – they lost their relationship with themselves. We no longer know who we are so we search. As women – we search in our relationships with the people and things (we even have a relationship with our homes) that surround us. But they leave us not quite filled – not quite all the way satisfied. It doesn’t matter how good the relationships are – they can be fantastic. We just have this nagging feeling that there has to be something more. When it doesn’t happen – we feel alone and invisible.
We who have a relationship with God are still searching. We know He loves us and that we are not alone but still – there is that void – that aloneness. I think God uses that to draw us closer to Him because it is only in and through Him that we can be as satisfied and as un-alone as we can be. Unfortunately, we still live in this world and in this body, so we can’t quite make it as much as we want. So He draws us just a little closer. Jesus says that we are blessed if we hunger and thirst after righteousness – and who is righteousness? Jesus. And He promises to make himself known to us as we draw close to him.
In Revelation 2:17 Jesus says that he will give a new name to the ones who overcome. I think that it is at that point – when He calls us by the name that He gives us - that we will finally be complete. Our aloneness will vanish because we will know who we truly are. It will be the ultimate “AHA” moment – and we will never feel alone or invisible again. We will be able to say – Yes, that is it – that is exactly who I am. We will be complete and completely in our Lord.
Mama
So often.. I know how you are feeling.
Hang in there. because you aren't
alone.
You're never alone - I'm just a wee phone call away... Call me when you need a friend. Love you! ~Hagatha
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