Well, it has now come to my attention that our insurance company will actually pay for gastric bypass surgery, you know, where they make your stomach the size of a cigar. Well, all of it except the anesthesiologist (apparently they don't cover this in any procedure as I'm still trying to pay one off after having my tubes tied a long time ago). So now the problem.
I have thought about this for years now, had several friends go through the procedure with great weight loss results (all but 1 has kept over 100 pounds off for years now), but all fraught with complications.
My "risks" and problems seem many in my mind and include:
1. What happens if I actually did NOT make it off the table. This is a potential side effect, albeit a wicked and permanent one. What would happen to MB and DH? All this because I'm fat?
2. What about the recovery time (as little as 2-4 weeks for 1 friend and as many as 2 to almost 3 months for another who had a pretty severe complicated infection afterward). No workie=no pay. I'm not sure we can lose my income for that period of time. In fact, I'm sure we can not.
3. Who will take care of me while healing from the surgery? Successful surgery = out of hospital in a few days. Then what? Who will take care of MB?
4. I already have a bad/weird relationship with food, what is going to happen when all I can do is sip water and eat 1/2 a cracker. According to 1 person, you throw up an awful lot if you eat something your body is not ready for. I can already not eat for a day at a time because I 'forget'. Will I plunge myself into a very real anorexic situation? Will I get freaked out by generally harmless food and make myself throw up all the time?
5. Why will an insurance company pay for GB (upward of $50,000 I am told) but not for a gym membership and a lifestyle coach to retrain a person?
I feel horribly selfish as I write these things. I am not sure gastric bypass is the option for me, but something has to happen. Praying has not helped (except to help me realize how weak and needy I really am), the conventional diets I have tried do not seem to help but for a short time and then I gain back what I lost and the additional "hey I failed here too" obligatory 10 pounds. I find myself seriously wondering about things like hypontism. I feel so helpless in this area. I know below several kind ppl said they would help, but you are scattered to the ends of the world since none of you live here and can make me get away from work and walk and put the pie down.
I hate feeling so confused and utterly out of control. Why is it I can help everybody else, but not myself? Sheesh, I can hear Dr. Phil now.
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4 comments:
Have you discussed these things with your doctor? He/She should be able to lead you in the right direction. Can your ILs come and help you out for a few weeks? Or your family?
it must be a very difficult decison. i know i could never survive on the diet one must adhere to after such a surgery. i wish you the best of luck deciding what to do. i think it's great that you're thinking thru so thoroughly.
OK, far be it for me to NOT have an opinion. I could just feign meek and docile, offering something of the more garden variety supportive-esque genre. I risk offending less, but that just wouldn't be me. :) And we love each other fiercely no matter what, so here we go:
My dearest one,
You are NOT an ideal candidate for this surgery. There is no way this is the BEST decision for you, given the options and realities specific to you as a PERSON. Although I do admit there are some parts of this potential surgery which could be GOOD for you, "good" is often the enemy of "best", distracting us from what our true aim should be.
Your medical history alone is reason enough to shy away from this very real risk.
But an equally compelling aspect is that the journey you are about to embark on to shed your cumbersome skin and be freed of some long-standing cages is going to miraculously alter you. In a God-led fantastic, unexpected, totally life-empowering way.
I know it by faith and I know it by recognition of the genesis. I traveled along quite similar pathways myself, for different reasons. There is a reason you are broken about this now. Because you are about to play an active role in your own Godly healing process.
All the pieces are in place. Your heart is willing, your soul is equipped, your musings about feeling out of control and wanting to make a sacirifical change - all of them are fertile ground for God to WORK.
Not by stapling your tummy together and thereby leaving you (provided there does not occur an untimely death on the table) with the stomach capacity of an elf, but the SAME REMAINING underlying issues remaining intact screaming to be contended with. Now happily burdened by medical recovery, financial concerns, and a whole new set of worries.
The simple reality is that we both believe in our God-seeking hearts that He has a purpose for this process in your life. I am not a big believer in skipping to the end and working backwards unless the journey cannot be treveresd any other way.
For I know the plans I have for you, sayeth the Lord. Plans to create discipline in your life and not shortcuts. Plans to make you realize how wonderful a creation I have in you and how WORTH THES JOURNEY you are.
The first part was the apostle Paul. The last part was me being blasphemousy mouthy.
I love you, but if you do this, I just might have to hurt you. :)
I too am overweight, I have so often struggled with this issue of being "fat". I wouldn't say that I am a typical "obese" person, but a person, none-the-less that needs to lose more than 75 pounds. I too have thought of gastric bypass surgery, OH how wonderful it would be, to be free of all this. But, as your one friend said, our big skin is only part of this gigantic problem, there is so much more holding us captive, besides our fat.
Stand true, make healthier choices, buy healthy foods, try to exercise a little more than the day before and drink lots of water. I have been doing this, and while I haven't a clue if I have lost weight (I have never owned a scale since I moved out of my parents house 12 years ago), at least we can make these teeny, weeny tiny baby steps to try and be a better person, but not neccessarily thinner. Whew! I hope that makes sense, it's supposed to encourage you!! :) E-mail me if you ever want to talk.
~B
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