Do you remember the Baaaaaad B-rated sci fi movie The Blob? I still long to have a bad B-rated movie night and just watch them all, but today I lived the Blob first hand. I know this will probably tick a lot of people off, but this is my blog, don't like it, comment or leave.....anyway, my birthday is Tuesday and DH took me out to buy clothes because I need them and they make a great birthday gift. However, I did not bode so well in the store. I grabbed a few cute outfits that were on clearance and tried them on. I think I need a 3 way mirror in my kitchen because if I had to actually LOOK at myself before I ate, I probably would never eat again.
I am actually a combination of freaked and grossed at what I have become. I was/am a human blob. I know my husband loves me, I know my son adores me, I know my friends like me, but what happens when you don't like yourself? Where do I start to fix this? I feel like Fat B. from Austin Powers "I eat because I don't like myself and I don't like myself because I eat". This is a bitter pill and one I swallow a lot.
I guess I need to try to lose weight again. I really have to do something. This just can not be safe. If you know me, you know I am not a small girl by any means, but I'm the biggest I have ever been and can not stand this.
I am going to try to use this blog to help myself be accountable to somebody about this weight thing. I don't need to lose 1 pound, 10 pounds or 50 pounds, I really need to lose about 120 pounds. Seriously, and then there would still be weight to lose.
So, encouragement and ideas are appreciated. I have high blood pressure and borderline diabetes, and a nasty little arthritis problem, especially in my right ankle, so this does not make this journey easier.
I need some help...any out there?
About Me
- MommaRia
- I'm a mom of one amazing kid who was born in renal failure and is doing great over 4 years post kidney transplant, step-mom to 2, wife, sister, daughter, employee and a woman. No wonder I'm tired.
Blog Archive
-
▼
2005
(81)
-
▼
August
(18)
- OH, the perfect ringer to my day...the Rat is dead.
- When all He** breaks loose
- The Weight of the WEIGHT issue
- The Birthday Run Down
- The Blob.
- She's gone home *sniff sniff*
- 50 things about me (since even I can't think of 10...
- UPDATE on the "H" bomb
- A poem for you written by me.
- Nine 2 year olds
- SELLING TOYS
- Pet Peeves
- To spank or not to Spank......
- So, how DOES one sell $300 in toys in 2 days???
- Lizards, little boys and the "h" bomb.
- I probably need to change the name of my Blog
- Volunteering and MOPS
- HOUSTON, we have a BATHROOM FLOOR, almost.
-
▼
August
(18)
3 comments:
Aww, you know we've had this conversation before. I'm right there with you. I know I don't have as much to lose as you do, but the feelings are the same. I'm by far the heaviest I've ever been. Even at 2 months after giving birth I was thinner than I am now. I hate myself for doing this to myself, but have not been able to stop it. I'm looking at programs for myself. The one I'm looking into is Beachbody. I've heard great things about them. I'm just deciding which one I'm going to buy.
Start with walking. Take MB out for a walk everyday. For as long as you can do it. Don't worry if you can only go a couple of blocks. Just do it. It will get easier and it will also help to relax you. Try Weight Watchers. A big problem with me doing it on my own is that I need that scale police. If I know that I have to get on a scale every week, I am better with my eating.
We can do this journey together. I'm here for you and I will do anything I can to help you. I need some help too, so we can help each other. Love you girl!
First, I just HAVE to thank you for so colorfully referring to that lovely, wonderful Austin Powers character who has been BANNED in our house. Oh My gosh, I what I would offer to remove that image from my head right now. Thanks SO MUCH for that one. :)
But on the serious side of this, I can offer only the gentle nudge from God which pulled me back from the ledge over which I still sometimes threaten to plummet in my own body image battle:
We are called to make our bodies instruments of the Lord, for His purpose. And we are called ot create temples to God in these earthly bodies. How can you LOVE toe Lord your God with all your strength, heart, and mind, if you are subconsciously trying to destroy the gift of your BODY which He calls you to use in His glory?
Maria, you are a blessed woman. You have so many spiritual gifts that are potently being used. You have been given a VERY REAL second chance at life at least once. God CLEARLY has put you on noitce that you are here with divine purpose.
That you hate your body makes me so sad. Don't hate it. Look at it like your bathroom floor. At first it was in bad repair. Then it got annoying. Then it was dangerous. Then it was under construction for a long (reading this Aaron?) time. THEN, through hard work, determination, and just the slightest dash of ANGER~fueled energy mixed in, it got done.
And it is beautiful.
This is critical to your service to God. Put it on that level in your mind and heart and suddenly, losing weight and improving your health becomes not something you are doing for Maria alone, but for the boy, the man, and the Lord.
You will ROCK. I will stand with you as an accountability partner with Liz. You are now officially accountable from New York to California - not bad. :)
Loving you too...
Lachen, I love the idea of coast to coast accountability. If I don't follow will you personally come to NY to kick my sorry big fat butt? I love what you wrote. I hate myself more every time I put a crappy item into my mouth, but yet I can't stop. It's such an awful feeling. I've never been like this before to this extent and it's getting to me. I have a ton of clothes that I can't wear and only a few items that I can wear. It truly pains me to wear the same things over and over again, yet I still do nothing about it. I'm hoping this Power 90 program (I think this is the one I'm choosing) can help get me into gear.
I know this isn't my blog, but thank you for your words to Ria. I have to try to change my attitude too.
Post a Comment