Me and My guys

I want the basics.

2008-11-16T20:10:00.001-08:00

Have you ever been so tired of your "life" that you just longed to figure out what you were here for??

There was a time when I believed I knew what I wanted...
-A career in radio where I could be the mid-day jock, in work after the kids left for school, home when they got home.
-------that was gone FAST when the reality of a career in radio was discovered after what, 21 years doing it? So the family/radio thing did not work out.

-The work from home mommy. I kind of fell into that one after MB was born. I was working overnights while DH was working days in the same doctor's office. I would bring MB to work, DH would take him home, hook him up to the dialysis machine and I would come home around 3am, crash on MB's bedroom floor with my hand through the crib slates so he would know I was there, ready to jump on any of the wild and numerous alarms that sounded through the night so DH could get a few hours of sleep....yadda yadda yadda, a transcription job fell in my lap. I had no training but showed aptitude (something I appear to have an abundance of...if people are willing to look).
--------that ended when I decided people were more important than work and lost my job while helping a sick friend...se la vie!

-The work out of the home mommy, but that's okay b/c MB is in school. Yeah, I can do this. I have been doing it very successfully...duh...see aptitude above. I can do ANYTHING....but where is the love...where is the joy. It AIN'T at work. LOL. (sorry grammaticarians...I had to do it....and I think I just made up a word to boot!)
--------it has not ended and, in fact, continues like it makes me happy. It's a paycheck. I enjoy what I do and the company is okay, but it is stressful.

so, what is my first love? What makes me happy?? Well, to some extent, writing, but I'm so insecure in my abilities that I don't think I have a chance with that unless I'm writing copy or something like that. So what else?

Food. No, not eating it, though that rocks when it's done right, but I love cooking good food!!
Tonight for dinner, I grilled steaks, make eggplant Parmesan and cooked butternut squash...and made fresh baked bread (I did not do that from scratch though, not a great baker, but a great cook indeed!).

The food was FANTASTIC. I had never made butternut squash before. I have not made eggplant Parmesan in YEARS and steak...well, get a good grill and that is easy peasy. Oh, also baked a potato for DH since he was scowling at me when he saw the eggplant and the squash!!!

I am not sure how to pursue this or if I want to. It's fun to prepare good food and make people, myself included, happy. Do I want to do this for a restaurant full of picky unappreciative people?

I am not sure. I am still exploring what I want to do when I grow up...since I'm 40, I better figure this out soon.

NO-Boma

2008-11-02T13:02:00.000-08:00

I stand corrected. Thank you Adam.

I still think the man is not right for America. I followed up on Facebook....

I deleted the blog entry here.

Thanks again Adam.

I have never seen the righteous forsaken or His seed begging for Bread

2008-09-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

Times are tough. Very tough right now. Finances are at an all time low around here. I wonder if the federal government will consider buying me out....no wait, I don't want them telling me how to spend my money. But I sure wouldn't mind a large severance package. Then I get money and a vacation. LOL.......

But I digress.

Things are tough around here financially. The fridge and pantry are virtually empty. Not completely momma, so don't panic. See, I'm hanging on to the words in the title there. God will supply all my NEEDS according to his Riches and Glory. Not MINE. It is not my righteousness, its His, by the way. It's HIS promise. It's His to deliver. For once, I don't have to worry, HE does not lie.

This Friday we got paid. We also got our first electric bill under $300. Thank God we can now open windows when we are home and reduce AC consumption dramatically. It's a little warm at times, but livable.

This Friday MB had to go to the doc (read unexpected co-pay). One of our cats was hit and died as well. I will miss him greatly, he was my favorite. I have to admit to you though that I was grateful he died, and we hope it was instantly, because that meant no vet bill. Then, was we were getting ready for our yard sale next weekend (please people show up and buy our toys and stuff!!) the kitten got a fishing hook caught in his paw. That reads something like this:

Fishing pole with locking hooks: $45
Kitten full of curiosity: about $25 per month in food and $15 in litter- $40
Emergency Vet visit to have fishing hook removed from bleeding paw - $200.
Having the Vet staff nickname your kitten "fish-hook": priceless......

Apparently he was the 4th one this week. Is everybody cleaning the basement? Oh, we also had him neutered (Bob Barker would be proud) and gave him his shots, feline leukemia test and feline AIDS test, worm test and whatever else little adopted stray kitties need. Happy to say he was sent home with pain killers and antibiotics. I have a stoned kitten.

Oh, we also went to Home Depot and got some really cheap ceiling fans to move the air in our sun room better so we can keep the air off and hopefully reduce heating bills in the winter as well. That was $75. (see, told you they were cheap).

So we got paid on Friday, and the bills are not paid, and the food is not purchased, and the money is leaking quickly.

I am STANDING on "I have never seen the righteous forsaken nor His seed begging for bread".

Brother can you spare a gallon....

2008-09-19T18:50:00.000-07:00

Gasoline. Motor-go-go juice, the fluid that keeps America moving. Can somebody tell me where it has all gone? I KNOW we just had a hurricane move through Texas and we shut down oil production there for a few days...but COME ON. Wasn't that like a week or two ago (I lose track of time easily!). How about kicking those grasshoppers back into gear?

I dare you to try to find a gas station in the Nashville, Tennessee area with gas today. OH wait, there are a few. If you find them you will also find crazy lines like in the 70's when I was a kid and grandpa and grandma said "hey, lets go to the Phillips 76 fueling station and get some gas. Pack a picnic kids, we are gonna be there a while".

The panic must have begun early because by around 1pm I was hearing the buzz around the office start with "better fuel up this weekend...the government said there will be no gas for 5 days!" RIIiiiiiight. The entire country with no gas for 5 days. Listen to the environment sigh in relief and take a deep breath of fuel fume free air while everything "gas engine" stops for a work week. Um. I seriously doubt that. Yeah, in Nashvegas we have had runs on gas stations in the last week or so. Most stations are only selling cigarettes, cold beer, soda and chips right now, but a few are cashing in with the precious petrol! I'm actually proud of them. The 2 places I saw that actually had open pumps were only selling it for $3.99 a gallon and $3.91 a gallon. Still ridiculously high, but more reasonable than last week. Unfortunately, the lines for those pumps bordered on the Chicago Loop at rush hour. ... long and stopped. The local Wally World has pumps, and gas, for 3.91 per gallon....and lines that snaked up and down every Super parking lot path, literally, and into the lot and around the Blockbuster and and and.....seriously, even if they limited gas to 5 gallons per person, they still would run out before everybody was served. This is pathetic.

P a t h e t i c.

I'm half tempted to sit in on the panic buying as one vehicle has 1/4 tank and the other has about 1/2 tank of gas and we have church, work and school next week to think about...not to mention grocery shopping and hubby's birthday celebration. Oh, and we have the older boys this weekend, so another trip to the other side of town to drop them off.

So, fine, American Government, Oil barons in Texas and all the Oil Mongers we are overpaying in the Middle East, how about a few truckies with some gasoline in them head to Tennessee and soon before there is a real problem...not just panic buying, crazy lines and angry people reminiscent of the 70's- when people at least had mary-jane to mellow them out.

School, and all the other little things that make you gray!!

2008-09-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

We are half way through the first semester of school already. Seriously. Scary and serious. MB starting off with a BANG!!! Out of the gate, lots of A's. I am so happy for him that we started the "A clip" on the fridge. Basically, if he gets an A of any kind it goes on a magnetic clip on the fridge. You see, I do this because MB is a bit "high drama". If you know him or me or my husband at all you know it's true and you know where he gets it from. Not pointing fingers, draw your own conclusions. LOL.

Anyway, MB can get really down on himself when he gets a bad grade, so I continually refer him to his A-clip. Hooray for mommy....I'm such a good mommy...pats for the mommy......

Until 2 weeks ago when MB brought home his first official F. Yeah, I said F. FAILED FREAKED FRACTURED non-FUNCTIONING EEEEEEEFFFFFFFfffffff. Mommy is a failure. My world collapsed. My boy got his first F. In my attempts to not over-react, I grounded him, took away TV privileges and cried for hours on the sofa lamenting his F and my obvious failure as a parent.

Well, no. I really didn't do ALL of that. I did do some of it and I will not tell you which thankyouverymuch. So now I am on a Perfect Mommy quest to find ways to help this child not flunk first grade and permanently harm his educational reputation. How will he ever get into an Ivy League school if he flunks out of first grade. It's truly the end of his educational prowess isn't it.

His teacher is a sweet lady, who I am beginning to appreciate more and more. She is willing to give him special spelling tests because I am beginning to believe he may be dyslexic because of the way he gets them wrong. But apparently they do not test for that till third grade. I wonder why.

Well, we brought home a D last week...essentially KILLING his A that he earned on everything in the first half of the semester. Somebody help me with ideas on how to help this kid. His teacher gave us a GREAT website called spellingcity to type in his words and let him play with them (www.spellingcity.com) check it out. I like some (but not all) of them. The hang mouse is good and pick the missing letter...but the mixed up word has extra letters, not good when we are already adding extra e's to everything.

So, mommy is trying to lick her wounds and get over baby not being as eager in school as she always was as a kid and MB is trying to work harder and hopefully smarter. We have made a few adjustments to schedules like no TV on school nights and no more Spongebob or Fairly Odd Parents or just plain old mind numbing TV shows. It's gotta educate in some way. He can watch PBS and he can watch Dora for all I care, but no more mind numbing gahhhahhahahaaaa or Squidward.

I wonder if we can undo the damage we have allowed. Lets reharness that love of books and nature and all things wonderful and educational.

I was serious about the ideas people.

WONDER WART STICK!!

2008-09-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

Does the title intrigue you? If you or a loved one has a wart, it should.

MB is immunosuppressed. Basically, we like having him around and with that kidney transplant, there are lots of immune suppressing medications so his cute little body does not turn on the pink fluffy kidney daddy gave him 6 years ago.

That being said, lots of uglies like to pop up on said cute little body. The Molloscum Contagiousum (sounds like a Harry Potter spell doesn't it) is still struggling to stay in place, though I think after 2 years of this pain in the neck are about over. We are on an experimental medication that seems to finally be working after we tried so many others. We have to be careful nothing processes in through the kidney so we don't hurt it. So that battle is leaning toward our side FINALLY.

So, we realize, in holding MB hands, that they are covered .. COVERED.. in warts. I kid you not. One poor little sweet finger had 5 warts on ONE FINGER. He had a total of 17 or 18 on his hands. Poor kid.

So we see the dermatologist who prescribed the meds for his MC and he says "there is this wart stick, you can get it over the counter at any pharmacy. It looks like chapstick, but it's acid. Get it and some duct tape."

Yeah, I said duct tape, we got florescent green just to make MB happy with the color choice.

Well, we found this lovely wart stick (and that is it's proper name, btw, Wart Stick). We soaked MB's hands in warm water, took a nail file and filed down the head a bit, rubbed in the Wart Stick, and duct taped over his warts.

I am the happiest momma ever. In just 2 weeks ALL, every single one, none remain....yeah I am not kidding there are no warts on MB's hands. There is some slight scaring from his mommy over filing ......but seriously....he has nice beautiful smooth omgicanholdhishandforever hands again.

So I told a friend and she said I owed it to the general public to tell you about the Wart Stick.

You have been told.

Here are the directions to get rid of the warty warts one more time:

1. Soak hands for 5 min in warm water
2. file down head of wart (this should not hurt. If it does, you too are being a little too hard on the hand/arm/toe....wart area). Use cheap nail files and THROW THEM AWAY nightly so nobody accidentally gets warty warts.
3. Rub a little Wart Stick on the warts.
4. Tape the wart with duct tape so it can't breath and you drive the acid in to the wart.
5. The next morning, take tape off and SCRUB area with soap and water.

Now the precautions part:
Please Please Please Please please (get the seriousness of this yet) DO NOT put wart stick on your lips, on your eyes, on any mucous membrane. IT WILL BURN YOU BADLY. DO NOT attempt to eat the wart stick (it does not stink, but it does not smell like something you want to eat either).
Do NOT leave wart stick where your pets can eat it.
Please do not use on little children or ill people without first consulting your doc to be sure it is okay. Nobody wants a wart, but nobody really wants to hurt somebody they love.

Wart Stick...check it out if you have a frog bump *wink*

I have been tagged by Tamwill

2008-08-01T21:02:00.000-07:00

Five Habits Meme

What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was working in a radio station in Champaign, Illinois, was music director, mid day announcer, everything I thought I wanted.

Five snacks I enjoy in a perfect, non-weight gaining world:
CHOCOLATE, Starbucks coffee, candy, cheese and ice cream.

Five snacks I enjoy in the real world:
popcorn, coffee, fruit, cheese, tea

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Hire a trainer/cook
pay off houses for all of my family and a few friends
start a scholarship fund for average students
give money away
stop in a gas station and pay for everybody's gas for 1 day.

Five jobs I have had:
Radio Announcer
EDI specialist for medical claims
Clerk in a CPAs office
pizza cook
survey taker

Five habits:
must have coffee in the morning but tea in afternoon
getting up 30 mintues before everybody to be alone
watching too much tv
fixing dinner on the fly
hating housework

Five places I have lived:
Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
Champaign, Illinois
Nashville, Tennessee
DeKalb, Illinois
Hazel Crest, Illinois

Five people I’d like to get to know better:\
Candice
my french fried friend
evercurious
Military wife and mom
Morganboborganfefiforganmorrrrrrgan

and anybody who wants to answer :)

Thyroid update

2008-07-24T19:11:00.000-07:00

It's been almost 2 months since I had my thyroid out, well, really about 1 1/2 months. Not much has changed...sort of.

I'm tired all the time and stupid tired at that. I think my synthroid dose is too low because all I do is want to sleep, and feel stupid at work. I can stare at my computer and know I KNOW what to do and how to do it, but it takes a little time to put it all together and get it done. I am not sleeping well either, which I believe is a symptom of underactive thyroid. I am exhausted. EXHAUSTED.

I took a sabatical from teaching the 1 year old Sunday School class because right now, it's just too much. I really don't feel like I can keep up with somebody elses kids right now (mine either for that matter, but at least I have to push my energy to take care of MB).

I have only gained a couple of pounds, but that is frustrating because I'm not really eating. I'm just not hungry. I fill up REALLY fast and can not manage to eat more. That should be a good thing, but I'm not losing weight for it. Hmmmm.

I need to go get bloodwork done at my docs office, but I don't have any time off until 8/1 when MB signs up for school. The 2 hour day is registration, then they don't go back till the 11th. I really gotta get the labs done so I can show them chemically that I'm not right. I just don't feel right or good right now. FRUSTRATING!!!. I feel competely lazy, but I just can't get the energy to do anything.

So, the neck is healing quite nicely. The scar is so small. The surgeon did a fantastic job. So that's good. We just need to adjust the meds up a notch...or three or four.

COME SEE WHAT I DID!!

2008-07-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

This kid, I swear, is hysterical.

This morning he comes running into the sunroom while I'm putting my shoes on and says "mommy, you gotta come see this!"
and he's really excitable. I'm like...what?

Come on and see what I DID!.

I got into his room. He has taken his jammie bottoms (long pants with doggies on them, his favorites) and stuffed them with a blanket/lovey and his stuffed animals to look like he is still laying in bed! ROFLMAO.....

I cracked up. He was so proud of his joke. You should have seen his smile. I then told him, lets finish it and play a joke on Auntie C. So we took the top, wrapped 2 stuffed animals in it, tucked the arms under the pillow and made it look like he was laying in bed. Then I told my sister that MB went back to bed and she needed to go get his lazy butt up. She walks in the room, and is like "hey sleepyhead. mommy says you gotta get up" and goes to slap him on the butt.....
ROFLOL

She totally fell for it.

We are such freaks at my house!

musing

2008-06-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

The surgery is over and all is well. I have my voice and no thyroid. It was not cancerous. Praise God.

Now I can worry about the price of, oh, everything! Gas is crazy driving up cost of food and lets not talk about electricity. We got our first a/c powered electric bill this month....it's $300!!!!

OMG...

i'm so freaked out. I'm thinking one of us has to get a second job just to make it now.

I am trying hard to trust in God in all of this.

Checkup.

2008-06-17T04:11:00.000-07:00

Today is the checkup after the surgery. I see both my endocrinologist and the surgeon today. The endo to check calcium levels, no doubt, and the surgeon to get the two stitches at each end of the incision taken out (assuming the internal are those lovely melting stitches. The scar is big, but not too gross. My neck itches like crazy!! I know that is good and that means it's healing, but it's still frustrating.

One fun little side effect I have discovered is that I lose my voice by the end of the day. I assume that will eventually go away, but it's not fun. Can't yell either. TOTALLY lose voice for a while if I do that (darn dogs). Finally, I can no longer sing. At least not yet. That kind of sucks. I enjoy singing. Hopefully that will come back. I guess I bring these things up today and get back with you later on that.

Post Op

2008-06-10T08:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, they did the surgery on Friday. I finally feel human again, almost. There is a good cut across the midline of my neck, not the prettiest. I hope it heals up prettier than it is now or it will look like somebody slashed my throat.

I am exhausted. You would be amazed at how much your neck does for you. It gets you up in the morning. Try getting up without using your neck muscles. Try sneezing, coughing or taking a nice deep breath. But, it's getting easier with time.

I got yelled at for walking up and down the stairs yesterday and trying to do laundry. Yeah, it hurt, but there is only so much sitting in the recliner I can do. I have to sit up because it's too hard to get up from a laying position.

I did not have feeling in my left foot or right hand until today. It's so nice to have that back too!

I still have not heard from the doctors about pathology, but the Surgeon stated that nothing looked weird or dangerous....etc. Thank Goodness.

I should have a check up either end of this week or early next week.

Thanks for hanging in there.

Cloak and Dagger

2008-06-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

Wow.

You know what I hated about high school? The popularity contests.

You know what I hate about working in a big office with lots of people and cubicles? Politics and everybody taking and assuming the worst of others.

Put them together and you get a lot of people who wonder what somebody is up to when all they really wanted was to say "hi".

Cloak and dagger off and down.

It's been nice, ladies. I will always have fond memories of you and cherish what you all did when MB had his transplant. Not interested anymore though. You reminded me of why I left in the first place.

My motivation, since you ask, was simply to say hi, reach out to old friends while I was nervous about my future, see how your kids were, maybe see some pictures of those I miss.

No cloak.
No dagger...except the one in me.

So tired of being tired

2008-06-01T19:21:00.000-07:00

This whole waiting thing wears me out. I hate waiting (see previous post called I'm a bad waiter). The surgery is this week, but I want it done now. I am pondering the relationship between thyroid and blood sugar. I take glucose controling medication, and since they upped my synthroid dose my sugars have been taking strange and FAST nosedives. I have been horsing around with my meds to try to make the odd drops stop, but they keep happening. Yesterday, about 2 hours after dinner, I was fine, talking on the phone to my dad and after we hung up, I tried to stand up. Imagine my surprise when I COULD NOT STAND UP. I reached my meter and my sugar had dropped to 55. NOT a comfy feeling to be sure. I grabbed MB's half drunk root beer and guzzled it (which resulted in increased blood sugar and heartburn like there was a volcano in my chest). TUM TUM TUM TUM TUMMMMMMMMS. Thank heaven for Tums....and root beer in easy reach.

So, my body is freaking out on me and I just want to get this all over with. The anticipation is the part that freaks me out. Yeah, I'm a little nervous about the surgery in general, but I would rather get it over with.

I am so tired I do the dishes and need a nap. I cook dinner and need a nap. I could not even go to church today becuase I was too tired. Oh, and I thought my sugar would be ROOFTOP high this morning for the rootbeer...yeah, it was 105...perfect really.

Anybody know of links between thyroid issues and blood glucose levels?

Happy Birthday Miracle Boy!!

2008-05-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

His birthday is today and he's wound UP. He came in our bedroom at 6am and said HI mommy as he climbed up on me. I hugged him tight and said Happy Birthday baby. Can you believe he said "I knew you'd remeber!" LOL...this kid cracks me up.

We dressed his black cat Webkinz in a Webkinz tuxedo and put it on the laptop in the kitchen along with a scrolling screen saver that says "Happy 7th birthday MB!!!" and it looked like the toy cat did it. hehehehe.

His transformers room is almost ready. The bedding is in the dryer right now. His cake looks AWESOME. I paid a guy at work to make a transformers logo cake for me. I like to pretend I'm artistic, but I know I am not. LOL.

we have 6 scheduled to show for the party, 4 boys and 2 girls, 3 of the boys are spending the night. We will play with the splash rocket water sprinkler and have a "transformers" battle for the all spark in the back yard. We will have cake and ice cream with "transforming" chocolate shell (hehehe i'm stretching it for all I got!)

We got MB the bedroom and clothes for his Webkinz along with a lunch box for his Nintendo DS and skin for Nintendogs.

His brothers' got him a bumblebee transformer and a computer game.

My sister got him the blanket and sheets for his bed and extra transformer peel off stickers for his walls.

My little sister sent him a Walmart card for $25

oh. We also got him Veggie Tales Dance Dance Dance, but it's not here yet.

Party one over today.

Party two tomorrow for Biggest Brother's 15 (OMG....15!!!!) birthday. He got the LOTR battle for middle earth xbox 360 game and steaks for dinner.

busy day, gotta finish cleaning so the kids can mess it all up.

Before I go, I have to give thanks to God. 7 years of a wonderful boy when the doctors all said he would not make it six weeks. Thank you for giving me an amazing child and a long time to play with him and watch him grow into a mighty man of God.

Where we are at today

2008-05-22T17:53:00.000-07:00

Here is the status update for those with the playing cards:

I do not have cancer. At least not that we know of. That is one thing they will check the whole thyroid for when they take it out on 6/6.

I am nervous. But not scared. The unknown is always a little intimidating, but I know who holds my future and the future of all of those I love and care for. So I'm good. By NO MEANS do I want to leave this planet and move "onward and upward", but God is really in control here.

I am exhausted. I ate lunch today and was SURE my sugar had to be in the 200+ range because I could not keep my eyes open. Yeah, it was 114, perfect for after eating. So the thyroid thing is really really really exhausting lately. I can just fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

My DH has been wonderful. Daddy's house of tacos cooked dinner last night and even cleaned up, sans doing the dishes, but he did the rest. He's a good guy.

MB's 7th birthday party is Saturday. I'm crazy enough to be having a pizza party/sleepover for the boys. Yeah. SOmebody examine my head. He's standing over my shoulder so I can't tell you all the fun stuff we have planned. Hehehehe.
We have done his room in Transformers, auntie C brought him sheets and a bedspread to match. We got him an Optimus Prime Fat Head type thing, basically a 40" wall decoration that you can peel off when it's time to rearrange the room or move on to older decorations.

So, that concludes this episode of "were we are today". Tune in soon for updates.

BTW, if you are from the May Mommy board, and you want me back, please send me an invite!

Ok, I see daylight, but we are not out of the woods yet

2008-05-19T18:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I went to see the surgeon today. I have never met such a gracious man. He sat and LISTENED to me....seriously, everything and anything I said, he listened to me. He listened to me drone on about my kids, my husband, my job, etc. He listed to my medical history. He listened to my questions about the surgery. He answered my questions about the surgery.

They will take the right lobe of my thyroid and leave a small portion of the left to help create less trauma for the parathyroid system. There are risks. Vocal cord nerve damage/paralysis, parathyroid damage and the risk that there is still cancer here and we just missed it with the biopsy.

The surgery is coming up. I will let you in when I know more.

Life is an adventure, good thing I know the author!

God ponderings

2008-05-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

Today is a melencholy day. I had to get a steroid shot (long story short, I got the virus from Hades and it's wreaking havoc on my body) so I'm jumpy and moody all at the same time. Sorry hunny.

Anyway, I really really feel the need for God today in my day, life and moment. I cracked open the Word and was reminded of Jesus feeding the 5,000 and then telling the disciples to "quickly get away" while he dispersed the crowds. Wow. That would be like the biggest rock star saying to his/her band "run get in the bus, I'll handle the crowd." Some manager just lost his job. LOL. Anyway, Jesus protected his stunned and weary disciples by ushering them out to "protection" while he handled the pressing crowd who had been there all day. Much to the disciples dismay, however, when they tried to cross the water, the storm kicked up and they were rowing INTO the wind. Have you ever tried to do something that was seemingly IMPOSSIBLE? What on earth are you going to do about the wind. And what about the boat? Those things move with wind....and not in comforting ways (if you understand my green gills point). Not to mention the winds were pretty bad and the boat was probably staring to fall apart, maybe? The disciples were probaby mad and scared and bitter that Jesus was not there suffering with them. The Word tells us that Jesus realized the disciples could not cross for the wind and after a few hours went out across the water to them. The version I read said it was between 3 and 6am when Jesus went out to them.

How long were they on the waves? How scared were they? How hopeless did they feel??

They saw Jesus on the water and thought He was a ghost and became quite AFRAID. Well, yeah! Jesus was walking on the water. I know if my neighbor, friend, co-worker, relative, etc, came walking across water that was not frozen solid I'd freak too. But the Word went on to say "Jesus meant to walk PAST them". Why?
Still pondering that one.

but when they freaked, Jesus stopped, addressed them and calmed the waves.

Wow.

Right now, no matter what is going on in life, my life or yours, please focus on that God waited, God walked and God stopped to help. He was never far off. He saw the disciples struggle in the boat. He saw the fear when they saw him on the water. He calmed the waves.

NO matter HOW far off God is perceived to be, He is not. He sees, He moves, He calms.

and the answer is.....

2008-05-05T09:30:00.001-07:00

Thank GOD!!!

The nodules are benign. The right lobe is still huge, so they are trying to shrink it with more levothyroxine. I have read a bunch of stuff on the internet that says that does not work, but I go back in 3 months for another ultrasound. If it is still huge we will look at removing the right lobe.

BUT CANCER FREE baby!

thank you for your love and support.

I swear, if I were not at work I'd be bawling like a baby!

So I had this dream the other night.

2008-05-05T05:18:00.000-07:00

I had a dream. In this dream, the woman who did my ultrasounds on the thyroid was the one who told me the situation.

She said, "Well, there were 4 larger nodules. We biopsied one on the left and one on the right." Then, in my dream, she went on to say "The left one is fine, but the right one is a dirty little lump". ROFLMAO....does that mean the right one is just bigger or that it's the nasty C word? Or does it mean I have really weird dreams! Somehow, I think it was because I got back on the internet on Saturday night and looked up EXACTLY, according to medical school books, your thyroid does. They pretty much show things bluntly to med students you know. So I read all the stuff your thyroid does and that if there are multiple nodules it is less likely to be cancerous. I also read that the sudden increas in the size of the right nodule along with the pressure on my trachea means it could be cancer.

So basically, I'm still poorly waiting on the answer from the biopsy.

I have to tell you the other thing that kind of freaks me out is that in a small percentage of instances of FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration) they don't get a good enough sample and have to re-do the biopsy. I think this freaks me out more than anything. I hope to never have to do that again. It hurt a LOT more than I expected. It still hurts when I cough, yawn or sneeze hard.

Maybe we will get answers today. Dad comes tomorrow and we are trying to keep him out of the loop, at least until there is something definative.

and now for something completely different.....

My DH and MB planted some raspberry bushes for me yesterday for my Mother's day gift. How cool is that. I can't wait till we get some yummy fresh fruit without paying $5.25 for a 1/2 pint.

I'm kinda glad nobody is really reading this right now

2008-05-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

It means I can be honest.

I am a poor waiter. I don't mean waiting tables, I mean waiting. I could not wait to find out the gender of my child, so the first opportunity I had I found out he was a boy. I could not wait to get out of high school, so I graduated early. I wanted to hurry up and go to college, so I technically dropped out of high school early (with permssion since I was passing everything with an A) to go to college early. You see a pattern here?

I hate waiting.

This whole "waiting for good or bad news" is making me nuts. I'm already exhausted, have a sinus infection on top of whatever this thyroid mess is, and really just want to sleep. I would not say I am depressed, because honestly, I am not. I am just tired...tired and I hate waiting.

I wish I would get the call, email, whatever NOW so I don't have to wait anymore.

I am a take action kind of person. I want to know if I have to be ready to fight or just simply ready to have the darn thing cut out so it stops choking me.

I just want to know. NOW.

Thanks for waiting with me if you really are here reading this.

Wow it's been a long time, how things change

2008-05-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I have not been here since Christmas. Well, yes I can. We have been working on moving. Selling a house in a crisis market and finding one we can afford. I'm happy to say that these aspects are taken care of. We now have gone from a 1048 sq foot house to a monster of a 2200+ unfinshed basement house. We got a decent deal, but it's a LOT More money, and for somebody who is always stressed about money, that is not a good thing.

We are happily and slowly trying to unpack.

My dad is coming for a visit next week to see our new house. He is "trial visiting" to see if he could live with us. Ha. This ought to be fun. He really does need to get out of Texas though. He is entirely too far away if and when he needs help. It sucks that he is so far away.

The other thing I am a bit reluctant to note less my father actually find my blog. I am in the midst of a "pseudo medical crisis". It appears I have some nodes on my thyroid that are pretty big. I had a biopsy yesterday. That was most uncomfortable. Basically, 2 needles in each lobe to "numb" and then 5 passes with a needle into each suspect nodule to test for the Big C, for a total of 14 sticks in my neck. Yeah. You never realize how much you use your neck muscles when you bend over, sleep, turn your head, etc. until it feels like somebody has punched through your neck. I'm exhausted and in pain basically. The bad part is we will not know for another few days if it's bad or not so bad news. The not so bad is that they are taking the thyroid out anyway because it is so big and swollen and pressing on my trachea. We won't talk about the bad. I really don't think it is anyway.

MB turns 7 this month. He wants a pizza party/sleepover. I have had to explain over and over that the girls can come for pizza and cake, but not for sleepover. No mixed sleepovers...not even at 7.

We also have adopted a golden retreiver named, Goldie. LOL. She's a mess, but at least she is good to MB and does not pee in the house. She sleeps contentedly by DH's bedside. LOL. He hates that. We are also house sitting a friend's bird dog while she looks for a house. She was buying/selling the same time we were and her deal fell through, so she's rather homeless (we offered to let her live here, but she's too proud) but her dog has a big yard to run in now.

I forgot to mention that. We live on a busy street now, but we have a HUGE back yard. I'm getting berry bushes for Mother's day!

Sorry it's been so long. I will be a better blogger and update more frequently. Check in as we walk through the Valley of the Shadow together.

Merry Christmas to all

2007-12-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

and to all a good night.

It is Christmas today in our house. With step-children, you ask Santa to come early if the kids are here for the weekend,and the jolly one obliged.

We did the traditional Christmas lasagna and I have been in the kitchen for probably 15 straight hours. The oven on literally from 10am till 6pm when dinner was done.

How is it we women can actually really truly time dinner so it is all done at the same time with only one oven, 2 burners and a menu that look like something from an Italian bistro??? Oh well, it turned out well and we are all fat and sassy.

The cool part about getting the hubbub out of the way today, on Tuesday, we can focus on Jesus with MB.

Yeah. I like this early Santa thing.

From my house to yours, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a God filled New Year!

Are you there God, it's me, Margaret....

2007-12-13T18:16:00.000-08:00

there are moments of my life and constants in my life that make me ask that question. Sometimes it is a prayer, sincere, heartfelt, honest. Are you there, God?? My head knows He is. My heart sometimes need convincing.

I don't know, maybe I'm Pollyannaish in my thinking. I want it all, a good job, a clean house, dinner on the table at a reasonable hour, a child that will do what he is told and a husband that not only says he loves me, but shows me in all the little ways that mean so much.

Lately, I must be missing something because I feel utterly lost, unloved, unlovable and bewilderingly invisible. I can be in the middle of a sentence to somebody and they walk away, start talking to somebody else or start talking about themselves. This, even after they ask a question. Then, they ask you for help and you are giving them the answer (work situation here) and they want to challenge the answer. If you KNEW the answer, why did you ask me??

I have another opportunity for possible advancement at work, but I really don't think I could take it right now. That place is all turning in on itself and it's not pretty. The job would mean more stress...and I'm about to snap as it is. I don't think I will take the opportunity that is presenting itself, though it is quite tempting.

Home life is just CRAZY.....crazy...crazy. The holidays, the kids, the money, the sister, the husband, the darn cat. I have always thought that when there is something about somebody that bothers you it is the plank/sawdust issue. The plank in your eye makes you dislike a person for the sawdust in his eye (which to him/her is a plank to the sawdust in your eye). I'm starting to wonder if that is true. On some levels I see it. On others, I think my peace peace mentality is killing me.

I lost 5 pounds. That is a good thing. I finally got my wish. I used to be a person who ate whenever they were stressed. Now, apparently, I am becoming somebody who can not eat when they are stressed. How is this good you ask? Well, I am about the size of 2 grown women. It's time for one to leave.

Unfortunately, the nice me is leaving with her. I am tired of being taken advantage of, being walked on and taken for granted. I hear the Word reminding me to not grow weary in doing good, but right now, I'm just weary of doing.

OK, my wandering is over.

I'm going to bed so I can get up before the sun and start it all over again.

Struggle

2007-10-04T04:08:00.001-07:00

Not sure I'm fighting with an angel, but I can guarantee you the devil's little dirty paws are in here too, pointing, judging, accusing.

I have become acutely aware of how dark my little heart is. I have become acutely aware of how horrible that makes me feel. I am aware of God's magnificant grace and mercy.

I have also become acutely aware of how much I need some changes in my life, both professionally, personally and spiritually; as a mother and a wife; as a churchgoer and Christian.

My, the wickedness of man's heart! I am thankful for my redeemer.

Do you ever really get over stuff?

2007-09-21T03:52:00.000-07:00

I am wondering lately if you ever really get over things you missed. Let me know what you think. What do I mean? Well, I hate going to baby showers. Never was very fond of them, but for some reason I really hate them now. It is probably because I feel cheated out of mine when I had MB. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks before he was born and the baby shower that had been planned by the girls at work was just "cancelled". Nothing. Just not done. I would have given anything for them to have come to the hospital and had it there.

A girl at church just had her baby at 27 weeks due to toxoplasmosis. The baby is amazing! About 1 and 1/2 pounds and breathing on her own on room air. I tell you what, she is a miracle. Mom is better. The church is planning a baby shower for her. The whole situation throws me back to my NICU experience with MB and stresses me out. I will attend her shower. I want to make sure her baby is welcomed.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter. The nurses in the hospital where MB was born were so sweet. They brought in all of their old baby clothes for MB so he had something. And another sweet friend brought me a diaper bag and rattles and bibs. I'm thankful, but still find it hard to go to baby showers.

Then there is feeding babies. I LOVE and long to feed babies. MB did not eat. NOPE. I think he was 2 or maybe 2 1/2 before he ate and he never ate baby cereal or baby food. I blended up adult food. I missed the whole pleasure of feeding your baby. Maybe that is why I still shovel it in for him when he won't eat. LOL.
This was brought up by looking at lovely pictures of a sweet baby of a friend of mine who was HAPPILY eating baby food. I realized "I want to feed a baby". I'm rather pathetic, so forgive me and let me feed your kid ok.

Then last night I watched Fried Green Tomatoes while DH was out at a hockey game on his birthday and cried like a fool. I realize again how much I miss my mom. How I can't just call her and say "hey mom. MB has a loose tooth, FINALLY, but his adult tooth is coming in behind it instead of under it. Didn't my front tooth do that? Do I need to take him to the dentist?" I can't ask dad. I love dad, but he is rather clueless to all that happened to us as kids.

So I"m full of "Wow I gotta get over this stuff" today. Any ideas how one gets over what one lost or missed? I want to live a life of no regrets.

I am 6...going on 16

2007-09-04T03:59:00.000-07:00

My sweet MB has gone from 6 straight to the teens.

We were shopping with my sister yesterday (while DH painted the house ;) ) I have been talking about getting MB a digital watch. He really loves watches and I think he gets teased a little that his medic alert bracelet is not a watch.

Anyway, I was looking for a digital watch but not finding them. I told MB we would go to WalMart and look, I was sure I could find (a cheap one) one there. He had a meltdown. Then my sister saw a watch in a different spot. We went to look with MB whining behind us. Then we didn't see any digital again so we walked off, MB huffing along with us.

Then I saw them...digital watches. I started to head toward them and called MB to come on. He started huffing and whining and stomping toward the display. I showed him the watch and then told him because of his rotten attitude he was not getting one (maybe Santa will be nicer than mommy). So we went and paid for the jeans (BTW, JC Penny has Arizona jeans buy one get one for $1) and other things my sister got and left.

As we are leaving the store MV says, in TOTAL seriousness:

"but mom, all the other kids are gonna tease me because I don't have a watch!!!"

ROFLOL... I looked at him, looked at my sister, then we both (my sister and I) started cracking up!! That was such a beautiful attempt at parental manipulation that I thought about rewarding that WITH the watch. OMG...he's 6...not 16. What in the WORLD am I gonna get at 16??

So...here it comes. Good thing my sense of humor is still intact.

I can't believe I let this anniversary pass uncelebrated!

2007-08-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

MB is FIVE years post kidney transplant and doing great!!!! On August 8, 2002, my baby boy and my husband went away from me for over 12 hours of surgery.

My husband GAVE freely of himself. He gave MB a kidney.

They are my heros!

God, you amaze me every day I get to see MB's smiling face. I love him so much and am so thankful that you not only spared him death, but provided a parent with health and the right blood type to give him the precious gift of life.

You created him
I carried him
Daddy saved his life
Lord, you saved his soul.

How much better can it get than that!!

Happy Kidney Transplant Anniversary!!!! And many many many (at least 70) more!!

Flying leap

2007-08-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

I sure wish that was a totally spritual thing. Taking a flying leap of faith and stepping out to __________ (fill in the blank with appropriate spiritual activity).

But not me. Nope. When I take a flying leap, it's literal, unfortunately.

This morning started out like any other. Up at 5:30, clean the puppy pen so the house does not REEK, feed the puppies (so they can mess it all up again), get MB up and ready for school, put the load of laundry I forgot about from the washer to the dryer, find clothes, make lunches, take a shower. Opps. forgot make the coffee.
Try to be sure I give MB his meds, or daddy knows which ones to give and gives them, get dressed, run out the door scanning for ID badge, purse, keys, cell phone and charger (as I have a newly found bad habit of forgetting to charge my phone at night).

Finally, run out the door. Here's where the leap comes in...well, the trip and fall into the rock driveway. Not paved. Those of you who have been here know. Not a pleasent surface to land on your face on.

In the rush to get MB to school on time, DH and I had a loud discussion, he stormed off to the van with MB while I finshed up getting supper started in the crock pot, whined that I'm under appreciated and spilled my coffee. OK, God, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be mad that he sleeps 30 to 45 minutes longer than I get to. It's my own choice. I don't like being crazy in the morning. Ok. I will apologize when I get to the VAAAaaaaaaaaan *KABLAM*

That, good friend, is the sound of me hitting the rocks. Did you hear it where you are?? DH comes running from the van. Honestly, I was bit stunned. I could not get up at first. Legs didn't want to move. Shoe (which caused the whole trip) was unbuckled. I am now covered in rock dust and pain. Hot seering pain. Yeah baby, wear that one to work for a rugged, hard working appearance.

With much assistance from DH I get up and hobble back into the house to clean up while he runs MB to school (Late on his 2nd full day because of me, thankyouverymuch). I get in the house and assess that I have no other clean work pants. Choice.....skirt or brush the dust off. Since I didn't tear the pants or bleed through them...they stay on. The shirt, tears mixed with dust = mud. Gotta change the shirt.

Well, YEAH I cried. Dude I was in P A I N. If you know me, it's bad to make me cry. I clean up, wash away the blood and clean up my pride as DH comes back for me and we go to work.

I told him in the car this is our reward for fighting in the morning. He was mad,I was mad, God made us realize we could REALLY be late or really hurt. Thankfully, nothing broken, other than pride. Time is nothing. People are everything.

Maybe I will start my mad morning dash at 5am instead of 5:30 while the puppies are here for 2 more weeks.

Maybe the flying leap was spiritual after all.

Where is the ibuprofen.

Where did the time go

2007-07-24T16:19:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it is already time for back to school. MB starts school on 8/1 for 1/2 day and 8/3 for the full first day of FIRST GRADE.

It seems like just two weeks ago I was pregnant.
Just 1 week ago he was born so very frail,fragile and sick....
just 3 days ago he had the kidney transplant
Just 2 days ago he learned to walk, talk and finally ate food!

Wasn't it just yesterday he learned to read and write?

I swear it was just this morning that everything he said made me laugh.

He's such a beautiful boy. Very silly. Very smart. He LOVES God. He loves to sing praises. He loves Vivaldi (at least the Spring movement of the 4 seasons).

Where did the time go? My MB is really 6 and going into first grade.

I'm afraid I'm going to go to bed tonight and wake up and find him married with children of his own.

Wow. I suppose all of this means I'm getting older too. At some point I may decide to grow up.

Nah. I'm gonna let MB catch up and we can grow up together.

I'm gonna go play a game with him now. I bet we play the fishing game. Cherish the time. Man, I love being a mom.

Puppies....free puppies

2007-07-12T16:27:00.000-07:00

Our teenage, runaway, unwed lodger gave birth to 7 of the cutest puppies you have ever seen on Sunday. We think this means the daddy is the Rotweiller up the street that runs unhindered. Anybody want a puppy? I have 3 takers so far and 4 more to go, 3 girls and 1 boy...anybody with a HUGE yard want the momma??? I am so serously done with dogs.

Killer headache

2007-07-11T18:49:00.001-07:00

Killer headache, day 6. How much longer can I stand the pain in my head????

ARRRggggh...., but a quiet scream. Too loud hurts. Light hurts....thinking hurts.

Must
stop
shhhhhhh.

I Miss

2007-06-27T18:34:00.000-07:00

I miss my mom.

That's it. I miss my mom.

a very good friend sent this to me today....

2007-06-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

It is from Beth Moore and it applies to my life so much right now it is not funny. Somebody I love is struggling with an addiction that not only affects their life, but the lives of everybody this person loves.

My sin in it all is not trusting God that He can change this person's heart, and in affect, my life.

I am guilty of not believing that GOD is personally interested in me. I long for the days when all I had to worry about was what part of the Bible I was going to read and how long I could pray before I missed class or work....and how I was getting to my next Bible Study. Oh how I long to return to the fervor of my "early days" in Christ.

Father, forgive my wonderlust from you. You have not strayed, I have moved, and too far away at that. Renew my spirit and make it ever true.

oh, and change the life of that person I spoke about. Help them see you and the pit and help them get out of it.

Laurie, thank you for sending this today....it was just what I needed.

Here is Beth's study:

Mind the Holy Spirit’s Warning!
with Beth Moore

“For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy;
for I betrothed you to one husband, that to
Christ I might present you as a pure virgin.
But I am afraid, lest as the serpent deceived
Eve by his craftiness, your minds should be
led astray from the simplicity and purity of
devotion to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 11:2, 3)

A young woman confided to me that she had fallen into an area of sin after swearing just the day before she would never do such a thing! What is being eroded to give the enemy that kind of entrance to overtake the externals of our lives and our actions? We cannot be possessed by Satan when we are sealed by the Holy Spirit and totally secured by Christ's salvation, but what happens when we slip into his seductive trap?

The Bible shows us that someone can be suddenly and unexpectedly overtaken in sin. Even the most spiritual person can be totally guarded in one area of their life and be trapped by the enemy in another unguarded area. That seems to be the real art of Satan’s plan of seduction. The day-to-day warfare Christians experience may be the hard ball, but seduction is the curve ball that comes from a direction we are not expecting.

No child dreams of being an alcoholic or a drug addict. Nobody plans a sexual addiction. The curious person that viewed pornography for a few moments never intended to be so obsessed that they spend their work hours craving more images.

The truth is that the enemy has planned an addiction for you and he drapes the rope of bondage very loosely at first, then suddenly jerks on the other end and you slip into his pit. We can’t walk in fear or hyper-legalism, but we must learn to walk in the spirit so we sense God’s warning signals.

On occasion, I have walked away from a place or a situation without knowing why. I just sensed the Spirit’s caution. Jesus abides in us by way of His Holy Spirit once we receive Him as our personal savior. It is imperative that we ask Him to fill us so when the Holy Spirit checks us, we will obey His warning regardless of how it appears in the natural.

I asked Christians who’d found themselves in a seductive mess if they were given a warning. Every person said, “Yes.”

“Why didn't you heed it,” I asked.

The consistent answer was, “I thought I was imagining it, so I talked myself out of it.”

Galatians 5:16 commands us to, “Walk in the spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.” When we sense the Holy Spirit is alerting us, we must learn to mind the spirit.

He will also tell us when a person is worthy of being helped, but we are not the one to help them. We have a very mean-spirited enemy who turns something that looks good into something evil. We may find ourselves broken, devastated and humiliated if we fail to heed the warning.

The voice on the airport tram warns, “Please step away from the door,” meaning if you don't get back, this door will take your head off! Under the open eyes of the Holy Spirit, we hear signals communicated from inside of us. If we don't learn to listen and walk in the Spirit we will feel it and slip into an early grave the devil prepares for us. He wants to bury us alive so far under the mud that we see no way out.

Often we won't make cry for help because we're too ashamed reveal the mess we are in. God has a rescue plan and if we obey Him, we will be able to say as the Psalmist did,

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
(Psalm 40:1-5)

This Week
God wants you to come before Him and cry out, “Here I am—with all the broken mess I have made of my life. Here I am.”

Prayer
“Lord, pull me out of the enemy’s pit, and put my feet on The Rock, so I have a firm place to stand. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that I will not be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.”

It's been a few weeks now

2007-06-11T05:03:00.000-07:00

I have to say, it does not get easier after your mom passes away.

I have been fine, really, for the most part. It's the little things that really make you miss the ones you love when they are gone.

We have been out house shopping lately (trying to get a bigger place in case dad decides that he wants to come here). We went looking in the school district we really want to stay in and found some really cute home (a bit out of price range, but cute cute houses). When we got home I really wanted to call mom and tell her about the houses, esp. the really cute one with vaulted celings and a basement (unheard of in Tennessee). It was a cold slap in the face to realize I could not call mom. Yeah, I was a bit melencholy after that.

This past week MB had several surgeries all performed on the same day. As I was bringing him home on Saturday, I really wanted to talk to mom. She was the one who came and helped take care of MB and the daddy after the transplant. I could really use her help now. As kids, we all had our tonsils out at the same time (sometimes I think my mom was nuts!!! but in a good way). MB will not drink and it's making me nuts because HE, of all kids, MUST drink, and a lot at that. I have a feeling we are going to end up back in the hospital in the next day or two if he will not drink. Anyway, I really wanted to call mom, who took care of all 4 of us kids after our tonsilectomy, and ask "were we this obnoxious?" (Sorry MB, but yeah, you are being obnoxious!). Again, I can't.

I realize how much I took mom being there for granted.

Call your mom now and give her a phone hug and smootch. Tell her, even if you don't get along all the time, that you love her. It's easier while they are still here!

in honor of a good woman

2007-05-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

My mother passed away this afternoon after a long, hard battle with breast cancer. She was diagnosed in 1996. We thought it was gone. We thought she was in remission. She was about to get a clean bill of health 2 years ago..you know, 10 years cancer free, when it came back with a vengance.

To my mom....I'm glad you are free from your suffering. I trust you are in Heaven with your dad, mom, brother, and our beloved bootsy. No more troubles. No more pain. Breathing without oxygen. Rest peacefully mom. Know you will be missed. Know the kids will be fine. The grandkids will have great memories. WE will pass on the good. Thanks for all you did for us kids. Thanks for the sacrifices you made that we will never know of. Thanks for teaching us how to be a mom.

In loving memory of Jackie. Peace is finally yours. I'll see you in heaven.
P.S. don't worry, we've got daddy's back!

MB turns 6 today!!!!

2007-05-24T03:46:00.000-07:00

Not bad for a kid that was not supposed to live 4 days.....ha!
To those who have been there from the get go and those who are new to us...thank you for the extreme love and support over the years. We would not have made it this far except for the love and prayers and support of all of our friends that we have met, have never met and sometimes don't even know. May God bless you all.

To my precious boy, who will not only have a special birthday snack day today at school, but will also have lunch in the park, his kindergarten graduation and a special birthday gift on his birthday (he thinks he got all his gifts at his party on Saturday).....I love you more than words will ever express.

I have given everything for you and to you...and I will as long as God gives me breath.

Thank you for fighting when you could have given up.
Thank you for bearing through what is coming up in 2 weeks (ouch).
Thank you for the love and the hope and the future you hold.
Thank you that you gave your 5 yr old heart fully to God, now mommy knows we will be together in heaven someday too.

To my son, my brother in the Lord, and the best gift I ever got...
Happy Happy Birthday!!

I can't help but get all teary eyed when I think of all you have been through. I also get all choked up when I dream about what is to come for you.

You are becoming an amazing boy. Your love of music inspires me. Your desire to not "break God's heart" amazes me and makes me push my own devotion and faith to that more like a childs.

I can't wait to see what is to come.

Have a great birthday MB. Keep on going!!

Love your mommaria

Quick family update

2007-04-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

Mom is still fighting. Dad, against his will, has been forced by reality, to move mom to a nursing home. She goes this Monday. We had some really really high drama in the last month at their house (mostly thanks to my younger sister and her misguided attempt to help). I think my dad is finally willing to let mom go. That is all she is waiting for.

Grandma, my dad's mom, passed away. Her funeral is next weekend up in Illinois. We decided I would go by myself.

I'm stressed. Dealing with my family by myself is not going to be fun, however, my MIL says I can come stay with her. That will be good. I love my MIL.

MB is doing great. He graduated Kindergarten with 98.7%. The only exception was that he still writes a few letters backward. No biggie, lots of practice. We are preparing a 6 year old pirate party for his birthday. Argh!

That about wraps this up.

told you it would be quick.

A moment of silence

2007-04-17T03:42:00.000-07:00

A moment of silence for those lost at Virginia Tech.

God help us all.

Wow!!! I am one happy momma!

2007-04-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

We were in church last Sunday and MB tells me he wants to take communion. So I start talking with him about what that means.

He says 'I know mom, it's the blood of Jesus'. yeah, I swear that is what he said. Then he asked if it was really blood. I explained the last supper and the bread and the wine and that grapes make wine, and we drink grape juice here. He asked more questions. I answered.

So, since he "got it" I let him take communion.

Then he started asking me A LOT of questions, so we went into the hall and sat at a table near the coffee station and talked ...and talked... and talked.

I asked him if he wanted to let Jesus be his Lord and Saviour. He said yes. So we prayed...rather he prayed. I cried. LOL....then the pastor gave the invitation and he went forward and prayed with the pastor and told him he wanted to be baptized.

So my baby is being baptized on Easter Sunday!!

Our pastor is beside himself happy that he is baptizing MB. He loves MB! He was actually giggling about it on the phone when he called to be sure we could do it this weekend. When the filled out MB's membership form the elders asked me if MB knew what he was doing. The resounding answer, yes. He knew exactly what he was doing. He said so, to them, himself.

God has big things planned for this little man and now MB admits that he is God's boy.

Rejoice with me. My baby is being baptized after he makes his proclamation of faith that Jesus is Lord on Easter Sunday.

Wow!!

Take a deep breath.

2007-03-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

In the midst of everything mom, we had a MB scare that I did not mention because I was firmly believeing it was nothing.

I did not mention it, but when we had his labs a week ago they came back with uric acid crystals in his urine. The Nephrologist called me and said....it could be nothing, just dehydration, but what elses causes uric acid crystals.

Wait for it.....
Bueller????

I answered kidney stones.

She TOTALLY one up-ed me.....

she says "it could also be lymphoma".

but she prefaced it with "I don't want to worry you" yeah, spoken like a woman who has no children. OF COURSE YOU WORRIED ME!!!!!

So we made him DRINK like CRAZY over the weekend and re-drew labs yesterday.

The nurse calls me today and assures me all is back to normal.

So, counting the new gray hairs from "not worrying" I still worry because we seem to have a puking issue that is unresolved. I did ask the nurse to look into that for me. She will ask the doc.

So, PRAISE GOD, not lymphoma.

I wonder if this will ever get easier.

How do you say goodbye..

2007-03-16T18:31:00.000-07:00

when you don't want to? I know that death is a part of life, and we begin dying the moment we are born. That does not make losing somebody you love any easier.

My mom is dying. We are talking end of it dying, any day now dying. I'm losing my mom. This is not so much about that as it is about telling you about how cool my mom was. Believe me, she made mistakes (as I am quite sure I do as a mom too), but I think people should know how cool they are before they die, not after when only the stories are left for those who survive. Here are a few about my mom.

When we were little kids, I'm talking 4,6,7,and 8, my mom took all 4 of us on a vacation while dad was on a trip. Dad was a truck driver and was gone a lot, but that did not stop mom. She took all of us to the beach, rented a motel room, and sunbathed on the beach while we kids tested the water, built sand castles and basically tortured one another. Now, this was before sunscreen was all the rave, and all of us got sunburned pretty badly. We all slept in a motel bed, mom and little sister and me and big sister and brother got the cot.....
that is one brave lady.

I also remember when we all got the chicken pox at the same time. LOL....poor mom. She had 4 kids, one bathroom and calamine lotion to soothe a small army. How she kept us all alive when I struggle with one, I don't have a clue. She tells stories of us walking up to her and saying "mom, I think I am going to..." blaaaaach....yup, we all, at one time or another, have puked on my mom. Yet, she still loves us. There is her sainthood.

Then there was the time we went grocery shopping in Indiana because they don't have sales tax on food (Most progressive state in the nation people!!...in this at least). We had a car full of kids and food and I was leaning on the car door. I don't know how, but while we were getting on the interstate, the door popped open. My sister held on to my legs while my mother pulled over and gathered me in the car. I tell you what, being a mom...I don't know how she survived that.
My mom...my guardian angel.

Then, when I was in high school, I took mom's car and went to Great America when I was not supposed to. While I was there, some drunk 13 year old hit my mom's car. Wendy and I were okay, and, from the outside, mom's car was okay. By the time we got home, the car was having trouble. When I hit the driveway, the car died and I coasted into it's regular parking spot. The next day the car would not start. I told mom somebody backed into it in the parking lot (hey, half true). My friend Wendy came along and said "hey ma, (*everybody calls her ma) did Mommaria tell you about the kid that hit us last night at Great America"....yeah, she said it. Mom came into my room and asked for the truth. My mom...the lie detector (I have never lied to her since then).

Mom, you didn't do things perfectly, you did them the best you could. You always did what you thought was right by us kids. You always made sure we had what we needed and an awful lot of what we wanted. You were always a friend. You were always strong. You are still strong.

I am so excited that you have prayed and allowed Jesus to be your saviour. I know that cancer may take you, but I will see you whole and happy again when my turn comes. I hope my son has good things to say about me at that point too.

It's just a shame more people don't know you like we do.
You were mom to all. Thanks for the open door.

I love you.
I will continue to love you.
When you go....I will miss you.

"This is the bug that never ends....it just goes on and on my friends"

2007-03-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

Remember the song from Lambchop? The song that never ends......yeah, this winter and sickness in this house is just like that song....only a lot less clever but just as annoying.

I swear, if MB is not sick I am...if I am not sick MB is. My real question here is "how does DH not get sick"?

I'm about to do some hidden immuno testing on him if this doesn't stop soon.

Before I can do that I have to be able to walk from the pile of blankets on top of my shivering self in the living room the 12 steps it takes to get to the bathroom without shaking my bones to pieces from chills.

Ugh.......Spring spring already, please.

Shameless Clep from another blog (see my blog list and you will see it)

2007-02-27T16:27:00.000-08:00

Stole this from a friends blog (honestyrain, thanks! LOL) It's a shame how few of these I've actually read...how bout you.

KEY:
bold italics=have read the book;
italics=want to read the book;
crosses=own the book;
asterisks=unfamiliar with the book.
and this one i am adding…
~ comments after author name=extra comments i could not resist making
1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)~ no desire to read. I tried. not interested.
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)†
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)~ Look I sat through the movie once, it was enough.
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien) ~ Nope, but the Hobbit, yeah baby!
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)~ LOVE it
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)~again, the movie was enough
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)*
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling) † love it
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)*
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix(Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)*
18. The Stand (Stephen King) I like SK, I don't care who knows it.
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)† ~one of my all time favorite books
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien) †
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott) †
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)*
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams) ~ hated it
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)~nope, not for me
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)† ~loved the series
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible †
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)~own it, want to read it,why dont' I read it.
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb ~as a fat girl, I hate this book.
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)†
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davies)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)~hated it
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton) ~adored this book
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce

so, what are your favs from here.

thought you should see My Flyboy.

2007-02-03T06:25:00.000-08:00

Give him wings and he will fly...

2007-01-29T18:33:00.000-08:00

We got back from Texas (and apparently brought the cold with us!!)and MB did GREAT flying. In fact, whenever we drive he throws up. I now declare that whenever we travel over 3 hours away, we must fly (bwahahahahahaaa ....sure).

On his first flight from Nashville to Austin, the flight attendant found out it was his first flight, scooped him up, introduced him to the pilot who let him sit in the cockpit, showed him all the bells and whistles, and let MB wear the captain's hat. *insert whistle here* I thought for sure after 9/11 nobody did that anymore. MB ate it up.

They gave him wings and a certificate for flying. Man, I love Southwest!

We flew then from Austin to Midland and then a 2 hour night-time, full of "deer in the headlights,literally" fear to Middle-o-nowhere, Robert Lee, Texas to visit Grandma and Grandpa.

We drove over bumpy roads. We drove over winding roads. We drove over bumpy, windy narrow roads. Did I mention I get car sick really really easily too?? I spent most of the drive with my eyes closed and head back so I didn't yap in the car, especially when my dad drove. No offense dad, but you drive kinda fast. Good to see I come by it naturally.

So, we visited and we left.

On the flight back from Midland to Houston, we were on a 737 with only like 45 people on the flight. We could have sat one person on a row and still had room on the plane. So DH, MB and I sit in a row, DH on the outside, me in the middle and MB on the window seat.

SOMEBODY COMES AND SITS IN FRONT OF MB. Assigned seats? Nope, we fly Southwest. No assigned seats. All the seats full. NOPE....plenty of seats on the plane. Only window seat left? Nope.

But guess what she does the WHOLE flight????

Give me dirty looks when MB talks, kicks her seat (but I don't think he really ever did other than moving around bumps) and when he asks for my coffee.

Lady, there are about 100 other seats on the plane. You don't want to sit next to the whopping 2 children on the flight.....PICK ANOTHER SEAT.

Seriously people. MB was great on the flight. We argued a little about getting his homework done, but he did not kick, scream, etc. He just told me what he did and did not want to do and I told him there is a bathroom on the plane I can adjust his attitude in. *heheehehe*

Somebody tell me why skunk eye lady chose to sit in front of a 5 year old??

"Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays"

2007-01-22T18:12:00.000-08:00

If you know the movie that comes from....you are familiar with my life today. Office Space will go down in the annals of Classic Movies that get you right where you live.

So, today, as you know, is Monday.
My "case of the Mondays" actually started on Sunday evening.....a great thing happened and therefore the cosmos must play a nasty one on ya. Nope, not blaming God. He's just giggle at all of this today. Testing. Watching. Waiting.

The BEARS won the game and, for the first time in 21+ years the Bears are going to the Superbowl. Does God really care about the Superbowl? Probably not. Though He cares about the guys playing. That's beside the point here...I'm being a little more shallow than that.

So my team wins, good thing. We get some really nice dressers for my sister off of Freecycle, good stuff again, we got rid of the old bunk beds on Freecycle to a really neat couple (the husband of which wants to be a FIREMAN...how noble is that!). Another good thing.

All is at peace.

Then the counter balance.

Suddenly, it seems young master MB has a fever. Not just a little fever, but his usual 102. This, coupled with a nasty cough, Doctor Mom diagnosis it as his first real nasty cold with fever, body aches and cough. The works. Nothing Dr. Mom can't handle. Right. Right, except Dr. Mom has a job she has to go to. What to do. We planned on being wrong and taking him to school and making them send him home. But I could not bring myself to do it. I would not want a mom to do that to me (though plenty do), so I kept fever boy home. Now, what to do with a 5-year-old while mom goes to work. Ponder with me.

pondering?

I IM my supervisor when he gets in, let him know what is going on and ask for permission to bring him to work with me until my sister gets off her job to come take him. Problem #1 solved. The gracious employer wants me in the cubicle, so away we go. We pack MB, a bag of stuff including thermometer and Tylenol, Leapster and books, and away we go.

As we go up the nasty hill to get off of our street MB says, "Mommy, why does the car sound funny and is so bumpy?" Mommy figures we got some dirt in the tires (after all we have a nasty gravel drive and it has been raining) so I wait for the sound to stop. Then I feel the "bumpy". Yup.......

flat tire.

So I get to the top of the hill and find level ground on which to jack up the van and change the tire in the cold rain. brrr. Did I mention I never wear my coat because what am I outside in a given day for, about 2 minutes?? Sooooooo in my nice light tan pants I'm trying to figure out how to use this jack I have never seen before, how to get the spare out from under the van and....where is the thingie you turn the lug nuts with??? The neighbor lady comes out and offers to help....but she only helped me to realize I don't have all the equipment to change a tire in my van (better to find this out 1 block from home rather than middle of night middle of nowhere!). So, I de-jack (yes, I know that is not a real word) the van and hobble down the hill in the van, praying not to ruin the rims, back to the house. MB and I get up to the house and he's mad because he can not go to work with me. I'm petrified because I can't get to work!!

So I get in the house and call my sister, talk her into coming to the house when she gets off and loaning me her car so I can go for at least half a day at work and not get put on "disciplinary action" (point system...we can discuss later). She agrees. I call my boss and let him know what happened. His reply "we'll see you when you get here". I'm not sure I like the tone...you know what I mean??

So, now I'm in a near panic, MB is asleep on the couch in minutes and I am trying to find a service that will come change my tire for me. (I should mention DH is at work already and can't leave either).

I think....I pray.... I remember. Remember what? I remember our Pastor is a car guy. Yeah. Maybe he can help. So, I call my pastor. And you know what. In this day of nobody caring or helping, he tells me.......
wait for it.

wait for it.......

He tells me it may be 40 minutes, but he is on his way. I love this man. What a heart!!! What a spirit. What a gentle man. Don't get me wrong, this guy is no sissy. He knows a woman in distress when he hears one.

While I wait, I IM a guy at work. Turns out HE is willing to come get me. So he comes and gets me and MB and drives us to work. THANK YOU BRIAN!!!! What a gentleman. He USED to be my supervisor, but moved to a different department, but is still willing to help. He understands where I'm at and volunteers to help. I call the pastor back and tell him never mind, but you know what he says.

in all seriousness......

I'm coming anyway and I'm gonna fix your tire for you. I'm gonna grab Robbie (another guy from church) and we are gonna fix it so you don't have to worry about it. Am I a blessed woman or what???

So I get to work. My sister comes gets MB and takes him home so he can rest. My sister IM's me later in the day to tell me the pastor went out and purchased a tire for me. SERIOUSLY!!!
He said there was a 3" slit in the tire (we think the plug we did last time finally gave out) and he didn't want me to have to use my spare tire, so he purchased a new one for me. When I called him to find out what it cost, he would not take the money. Told me to tithe it back to the church.

I tell you what...it started out a nasty old case of the Monday's and turned into a blessing. What the world considers evil, God uses for good..... Always!

So what if I forgot my house keys and car keys at work today.
So what if MB still is not fully well, he's a bit better tonight.

The world is a better place and God is still on his throne. I didn't even break down and cry or blame my DH for the trouble. Nope, it was all "chance" turned to Choice turned into an opportunity to give thanks to God for good, honest, upright, godly men.

To everybody who helped me today, thank you. To those who prayed for MB, thank you. To those who say there are no honest preachers in the world... I beg to differ. My preacher may not be eloquent, but he loves God, and shows it, and that's what it takes. And Brother Lane, for giving time on your day off. May God truly bless you.

THE BEARS ARE GOING TO THE BOWL!!!

2007-01-21T16:33:00.000-08:00

It has been my mantra all season....I even have MB sininging it all over the house.

The song goes like this:
"The Bears are going to the bowl...
the Bears are going to the bow....
we don't know who they'll play yet,
but the BEARS are GOING TO THE BOWL!!!"

Monsters of the Midway, I salute you!

This year, I may actually host a super bowl par-tay!!!

Whoo Hoooooo (and a sound spanking to the Saints !! bwahahahahaha)

Family.

2007-01-13T17:47:00.000-08:00

What a wrong dynamic in my universe.

The current situation:
Mom is dying of recurrent breast cancer in the lungs, bones and anywhere else it wanted to go. The docs are using nice words like "comfort measures" and "2 days, 2 weeks, 2 years....we just don't know". So, while she is still here, we are making an effort to get my MB down to Texas to visit grandma while she is still "healthy" (really the wrong word here. Better words, "not scary yet"). So we are going soon to see her. I tried to go by myself so nobody has to watch me melt down, but mom said I can not come without MB.

She is beyond the 2 day mark and we will see her post the 2 week mark as well. Mom is a fighter. She will hang on for us.

The DRAMA:

The Siblings:
Sibling #1: Recently moved out of our house into an apartment with her daughter. Sibling #1 is not happy that we are going, but she can not, because she can not afford a ticket nor the time off, and I can't afford to bring her along for the ride this time. She is happily watching the pets at our place for us while we are gone. Thank you sissy.

Sibling #2: Sibling #2 had mom living with him for a few weeks when the cancer first popped it's ugly head back up. Sibling #2's LOVELY wife kicked my mother out of their house while she was undergoing treatments. Dad had moved to the great state of Texas while mom was in the hospital because their house had been sold and they had to be out, so Sibling #2 said he would take mom in because Sibling #1 sold her house as well and had nowhere to go (hence moved to Tennessee) and Sibling #3 has a LOT of issues including a teenie tiny house and some other issues best not discussed here and Tennessee is too far from Indiana to come here when you ar sick and the daily treatment option was out of the question from here, the commute would have done us both in. So now Sibling #2 wants to run down to Texas to see mom before she passes, probably to assuage his guilt.

Sibling #3 is the youngest of us 4 children. Sibling #3 is a big P.I.T.A. Sibling #3 has called my father, who has quite enough on his plate being as he is not entirely healthy himself, and pretty much tells him that he needs to buy her tickets for her, her ignorant jerk of a husband and her two teenage sons who do nothing but play computer games all day. Dad called me yesterday and asked me if I had the same parents as her. LOL.....um, dad, that would be more of a question for you and mom...not me. So we talk about it, leading me to tell him how much it is costing us to come see mom. Got a good rate, but it's still expensive. Traveling at crazy hours and days to get there as inexpensively as possible, then there is the car rental and food so mom and dad don't have to feed us. So dad got a ballpark figure. He calls Sibling #3 back and tells her, pretty much, to stuff it. If she can't manage to get her husband off his rump to pay for it, it's not gonna happen. Then he spells out how much airfare would be, plus a rental car (to which she replies that HE should drive the 100 plus miles to pick her and her brood up and pay for the gas to do it) and then he adds the food thing in (now she is irate that they are not willing to feed her). All in all, it would cost her about $2000 for the trip. So now the brilliant Sibling #3 is mad at me because I'm going. Yeah. Like I asked mom or dad for anything.

What have I asked my parents for? I asked that I see their lawyer friend while I am there (so I can help make real arrangements for when mom, and subsequently dad, do pass). I asked if I can go grocery shopping for them and cook some meals and freeze them so when mom can't cook all dad has to do is thaw and warm a dish I made for them.

Talking to dad tonight he flat out asks me "What are you going to do if you mom does not die? You are all going to be mad at me for getting you all to come down here aren't you?". Um......
no. "Dad, if mom does not die right after I come down it means I still have my mom!" Hellooooooo where does he get this crap from??? I then explained to him that I have a 5-year-old monkey who does not need to see death. If mom is "healthy" (see above) then my son remembers grandma "not scary" and has a good memory. You see, it's not just about mom, dad, sibling #1, #2 or #3, not about me, not about death and dying. It's about trying to let my son see his grandma one last time and have a good memory of it, not a scary tube filled, coma thing. This whole thing is hard enough. I don't need trauma on top of it.

Is that wrong?

Prayers going out to my favorite peripherial muser today.

2007-01-09T12:02:00.001-08:00

You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers all day PM.....

Please have your Copper update us when he can.

God bless and protect you!

Christmas is over.

2007-01-07T05:52:00.000-08:00

I understand that a lot of people get depressed after Christmas. The celebrations are over. No more parties. No "fun" stuff. Family all leaves (more of a relief for some, sadness for others). There is nothing to do. The weather is frightful in a lot of places (sorry Colorado).

But here, it means the decorations have to come down. The only thing that depresses me about that is that I have created more work for myself.

I took the tree down last night and realized a few things about myself.

First, I did not get the kids their ornaments this year. This has become a tradition in our home that we individualize an ornament for the kids every year and mark it with their name and year. When they get their own places, they will have a bag full or "special" ornaments that are uniquely them. That's the plan anyway. I'm a slacker mom after all. Ebay, here I come.

Secondly, I think I will let DH get a real tree next year. Of course, I will probably make him get one in a bag so we can PLANT it, not trash it, when we are done celebrating. We'll see how that goes.

Finally, to anybody who has ever done a craft project with children that involves their face and the year (and possibly Santa), I need to thank you.

Thank you for preserving what I have never had the understanding of the significance of. I found MB's picture from pre-school when he was 2-1/2 with Santa and the one his Kindergarten teacher took this year next to the class Christmas tree. I sat there and cried like a baby. I admit it. I am a total sap when it comes to MB. I have never realized how awesome these little snapshots are. They are taken around the same time of year so you see a full year of change in a face. In this instance, a 3 year difference. I was so touched at the changes in my baby that I just sat there crying. Good thing DH was outside working in his shed or he would have freaked at the odd display of emotions from a woman who, 2 hours earlier, was talking about MB driving her absolutely crazy by talking non-stop.

So to all of the Sunday School teachers, Day-Care workers, grandmas, teachers, moms etc. who have taken the time to do a picture project at Christmas with a child......

THANK YOU.

You touch mom's hearts when we think the celebration is over.

Next year, I'm not putting the ornaments with MB on the tree. NOPE. I am creating a "MB Christmas tree" in my room, for my enjoyment, of my sweet boy and the celebration of all the sweet people who have thought enough about children to realize "this is special" and worked the project with them or for them.

So next year, if you are in the neighborhood, stop over and say hi, have some coffee, and visit our Christmas trees, one which celebrates the Tree to come that my saviour hung upon and one that celebrates my boy, my gift from God.

Oh My GOODNESS!!!

2006-12-22T17:50:00.000-08:00

If you want to laugh your head off, go to www.elfyourself.com and pop in a few headshots of yourself, your family and the crabbiest person you know...

I gare-on-tee you will giggle yourself silly. I just spent almost 1-1/2 hours playing with this.

Oh, and share your giggles, you can email it to the person you elf-ed.

bwhaahahahahaa..

Merry Christmas!

If I could have a do-over

2006-12-21T19:15:00.000-08:00

Stealing a post idea from a good friend. (thanks Tracy)

I like the idea of no regrets, only things that "maybe I would have done differently".

My list includes:

Getting married younger. Waiting till 30 was hard. Though sometimes I think I am still not ready to be married and we are 7 years into this thing callled life together.

I would have had children younger and more of them. That harkens back to the first issue. If you "wait" till you are married, as I did, you have to "wait" for the little blessings. I would like to have had more kiddos of my own and been younger to get around with them more.

Study something differen in school. Yeah. You're right momma. I should be a teacher, but really, how do I jump to that track now with the whole family/house/car/dogs/cats etc. Or maybe I should be a doctor, or a nurse...but definately not this claim stuff. I'm bored.

NO dogs in the house...ever. Seriously. If a dog is over 10 pounds, it belongs outside, with it's fleas.

well, really, that's it for now...seriously, I think.

Christmas

2006-12-17T13:56:00.000-08:00

Christmastime can be a strange time of year. I grew up in the cold North with promises of way too much snow and no school and sledding. Now I live in the "South" and it's hot, not just warm, but down right hot today.

"What, today is not Christmas". Yep, I hear ya. Yesterday was. At our house at least. It sounded something like this from my bedroom.

MB to older brother: "my alarm went off, but the front is dark still. There is NOBODY out there."
(Unfortunately I could not hear which brother he was talking to so I missed half of the converstaion, but my vivid imagination fills it in because then I hear MB say, "But nobody else is awake". (mommy was smart enough to set MB's alarm so he would get me up and I could give him his meds and I would not have to reset my alarm clock, yet I could get an extra hour of sleep).

Finally I hear the patter of MB feet down the hall into the living room where I hear him exclaim:
(insert big sucking sound here and then a REALLY REALLY LOUD VOICE) "SANTA CAME ALREADY!!!!!"

and he had. We have my stepsons for a week, and rather than letting them open stuff and then leave, I figured I'd give them something to play with (other than the Xbox) for the time they were here.

So we had Christmas yesterday. I did inform MB if he is very very good, maybe we can sprinkle the "reindeer food" out front and Santa will come back on Christmas day.

Am I worried about Santa? Not at all. Ask MB why we celebrate Christmas and he will tell you it's when we celebrate the birth of Jesus (and then he will follow that with "my mommy needs to have another baby. I swear, I didn't bait that. The kid wants somebody to play with all the time).

The kids gleefully opened their gifts. Searched for their names on little tags. Grinned in delight as things they had NO expectation of were received. Each gift joyfully received and joyfully given. (Mommy likes finding the right thing, even when she is not sure what that is). Daddy basking in the moment and the discovery of what was chosen for each child.

No, I'm not worried about Santa. The kids in our house know what the season is all about. Giving and recieving. Ask MB about Santa and he will tell you of St. Nicholas. He understands that the star on the top of our tree is a reminder of a star over a town called Bethlehem over a baby in a barn sleeping in a feeding trough. That is how our Saviour, the love of our life, the one true Prince of Peace started his life. MB knows that this is a miracle. He LOVES the story and, thanks to a nifty product I saw last year called "What God Wants for Christmas" he knows that the gift we can give is ourselves, completely and without hesitation, to God. God WANTS us. There are people who feel unwanted and unloved or unlovable. That is not true. God WANTS you, deeply and truely and completely.

This Christmas, whether you celebrate early, late, or multiple times, remember the true gift is yourself given with the enthusiasm of a child finding the presents on Christmas; not concerned with brushing his teeth, combing his hair or even taking off the nasty pull-up until the last gift is received and the "afterglow" of Christmas is in the room. Not worried about "cleaning up" to come and recieve a gift. Just coming to the moment and making the choice to give into it. When you find yourself in that moment, I urge you to give in to the One who has wanted you from the beginning of time..

Merry Christmas, every day, every year.

Bad FORM people

2006-12-12T17:49:00.000-08:00

We have a congested coffee area at work (Don't even get me started on the whole ice maker thing...blech)...
we have one of those cool machines that you pick your pouch of coffee and slap it into the machine and wait like 35 seconds (too long sometimes) to get a pippin' hot cup-o-joe or tea or whatever is your fancy from a pouch. Not the best, but when you are desperate for a fix, it'll even brew you an espresso.

But it's in a corner, next to a toaster, a water "purifier" and a regular coffee pot next to the sink and said blechy ice machine is on the bottom.

Flanking coffee station on the right are 3 gross refrigerators that everybody forgets they have food in.

So here's the problem. People who stand directly in front of the blechy ice maker and the coffee station, blocking the water "purifier" and the other coffee pot....FOR NO APPARENT REASON...and don't move when you say "excuse me".

COME ON PEOPLE, when there are 3 people standing there looking at you like "GET out of the WAY!" and one finally says "excuse me, could you move".....

M O V E!!!!!

Don't glare at us
Don't look at me like I'm stupid.

MOVE YOUR BUTT, you're blocking the motivation for work.

It'd be different if you were waiting on a somewhat tasty coffee or even being brave enough to gag your way into the ice machine (It's a scoop thing...and I've seen the scoop hit the floor and the rude dropper just hang it back up like they didn't just drop it on the GROSS floor.....really ppl...and we won't talk about bathroom hands.....blechy!!!!!)

But if you are standing there for attention, I guarantee the attention you are getting is not what you want.

Wanna talk on your cell phone privately, I guarantee that is not the place.
Wanna look important? NOPE.

Just
Move
Out
of the
Way.....and maybe, get yourself some ice so we can have a few days without ya.

The tale of the apple and the tree

2006-12-02T15:58:00.000-08:00

I am reminded today of the simple saying "The apple does not fall far from the tree".

That being said, all things that grew with a "stem" need a few more lessons in manners and behavior in my house.

Yeah, read into it all you want, good and bad. It's true.

Oh man the holiday's are upon me and I realized

2006-11-28T03:29:00.000-08:00

I'm FAT. Not just Phat or cute oompa loompa fat, but way too big for my britches fat.

It's depressing. I have always been a big girl, but lately.......yeah.

I need to do something. Is it like AA where you admit you are powerless over your fat and bad eating habits and seek your Higher power (In my case God) to help you get rid of the bulge? I am the size of two people. TWO.

Bitterly depressing. I know a lot of the factors in my seeming inability to get rid of the bubbling fat deposits on my body. First there is dissatisfaction with the "state of my life". I am not where I hoped I would be. Not even close. Did I have a lot of plans? Nope, but how do I achieve at least one of them?

Secondly there is the fact that, though I enjoy my job on most days, it is completely sedentary and you are encouraged to NOT leave your cubicle because there is too much to do and only a 30 min lunch to do it in. For me, that's like an extended coffee break, not a work break. Maybe I can get them to change my schedule back to 8 to 5:00, especially since I come in at 7:30 every day anyway after I drop MB off at school.

Thirdly, my house is too small for all the people living here, and all the people, myself included, like to eat crap. That and everybody else is so picky I'm burned out on cooking. I eat because it's there and tastes better than fish and baked chicken.

I need pointers, tips, advice, a chastity belt for my mouth.

Help me dear blogger friend before I blow up like Harry Potter's aunt in The Prisoner of Azcarban. (Don't flame me, I know I probably spelled it wrong. I like Harry Potter).

help

I"m a slacker

2006-11-23T13:37:00.000-08:00

forgive me for slacking. I actually had this big giant post and it got deleted....but I'm just not willing to re-write it.

*sigh*

can I get 28 hours in a day so I can get it all done???

I'll be back dear friends.

Of cabbages and kings!!!

2006-10-17T03:54:00.000-07:00

This post will probably feel about as crazy as Alice In Wonderland....and it is. I am a bad blogger and really am finding time to blog, read, breath scarce lately.

Here is the general run down on things.

The job: I have just, sort of, been forced into a promotion I didn't really want. I think I will like the position. I still am somewhat resistant to change, which makes it hard, but I'm off the phone (read that as you may be able to call me at home and have me talk for more than 3 seconds before I HAVE to get off the phone.) It's hard to work in a call center, even as a woman, and want to talk on the phone. Your words are just used up by noon and you still have to force yourself to talk all afternoon and then go home and deal with the whole family dynamic. I am now working in a specialty queue, though it is not official yet, but I'm already doing the job. Now I wonder if this job means more money.

The boy: He just had a 2 week break due to year-round school here in the Tennessee county we live in, and going back was a wee bit rough. Like the first day of school all over again. We finally got his school pictures. What a cutie. Then, the weather factors in here, he is in our bed EVERY NIGHT again. We had to turn the heat on, and the unit is right outside his bedroom. I wonder if the sounds of the heaters kicking on is his problem, but he's in our bed again today. Read that as less sleep for a tired mommy.

The husband: He's dressing up for work now. Wow...he looks good all dressed up. The secret here, revealed about me, I like to iron. Shhhhhhh. It seems to be paying off at work now because he has been given a mentor position. I hope for good things for him. We are excited because we get to go see the Blue Man Group on Friday. Should be cool. We saw Stomp last year and enjoyed it greatly.

The sister: My sister lives with us and I have to say, it's NICE to have a sister finally. We act like sisters do; we argue, we make up, we tease each other and steal clothes and things. Finally. It only took 40 years for us to get along. Her daughter, who lives with her aunt right now so she could stay in Illinois, finally thinks I'm cool, goofy, but cool.

The Mommaria: I'm tired. I don't have enough hours in a day....and I'm tired of trying to think of what to cook every night for dinner. Is that harsh? I hate that it is my "home job" to figure out what people want to eat and then cook it. But I don't want to complain. Even eating out, it's always the same thing. Is it right that food is boring. I'm also on a cleaning mission, so dirt, get outta my way. I'm on a quest to clean my house totally and make it stay that way. We are enforcing some new rules around the house. The living room is done, including the carpets cleaned. Nobody gets to leave a mess in the living room anymore!!! So when you visit, please stay in the living room. Hahahahaaa. That took me a full day to get it looking that way and there is only 1 Saturday per week.

Well, blogger friend, how are you? I know I'm forgetting a lot more than I'm writing, but I'll be back. I'll try not to make it so long this time too.

Christmas shopping already

2006-10-06T04:34:00.000-07:00

Yup. It's that time of the year, you know what I'm talking about...when you start figuring out what those precious people in your life might want or enjoy for Christmas. The only problem is....what....and how to pay for it.

*sigh*.

Ebay has been a blessing this year as I have been able to find the "odd" things the kids will like, gently used or new, and much less expensively than I would find them in a store (not to mention some of the stuff is pretty old!).

I have too many people I want to bless this year....and no where NEAR enough funds to do the blessing.

Little bit is getting a set of 19 Wishbone books. He loves Wishbone. I was able to find a tiny talking Wishbone on Ebay, so he's getting that with his books too.

One of the older boys is getting some books too. I'm afraid he may find this site, so no talking about the older kids stuff.....with the exception of the 11 year old. HELP!!!

I'm totally at a loss as to what to get this kiddo. He is no help either. When he is asked what he may like he says "I don't know". Gee, thanks.

So, any ideas what an 11 year old boy might like for Christmas???? Clues... Anybody....Bueler??

I'm a new momma!

2006-09-10T17:28:00.000-07:00

Anybody who KNOWS me knows I want more kids.

Anbody who REALLY knows me knows I have been "fixed" and can not have any more children.

Today, my husband, who obviously loves me, made me a mommy again.

This was a secret that was well hidden. If you thought you knew something I assure you, you did not.

I did not even know till he and Auntie C walked in the house today with the MOST BEAUTIFUL loving pitch black baby kitten! I'm in love. I named him Felix II (anybody who knows me well enough to call me by any of my nicknames knows Felix was the end all be all cat I had when I was a teenager. He is the cat by which all cats are now judged (Boots the standard for all dogs!).

This little guy is awesome.

How did I get a cat from a man who is allergic to cats??

My sister's cat ran away 2 weeks ago and does not appear to be coming back. We all miss girly girl. My husband knows I love black cats. They got me a black cat.

On a funny note, the people who gave us the cat asked my sister why she specifically wanted a black cat. LOL....they even asked if we were going to kill it on Halloween. Silly people, absurd timing I suppose.

So, My MB is excited because Felix's bed is in his room. He's giddy with joy that Felix will be in his room and responds to toys, and loves to play.

This is so sweet. I love my hubby too.

Thank you for my favorite birthday present 1 month late ever.

One very politically incorrect observation....

2006-09-01T04:11:00.000-07:00

Has anybody else realized the biggest problem with Bluetooth technology is not so much that people NEVER get off their cell phones now, but rather that you can not tell if the person walking toward you muttering, seemingly to themselves, is skitzo or talking on their phone.

Seriously people. It's kind of creepy to see you talking to yourselves all the time.

Just an observation. (and let me say here, I am NOT making fun of the mentally ill, that is a serious problem....I'm slamming your silly looking blue tooth technology).

Another year older

2006-08-25T03:57:00.000-07:00

I had a birthday on Wednesday. Yup, older. More gray hair (my crowining glory). My family and I went to Red Lobster for dinner .....mmm crab legs!!! The closest we are going to get to real seafood in Tennessee. Nothing like crab legs in Florida though....they were my first.

As I got a little older you would think that I can get over the fact that nobody makes me a birthday cake for my birthday. Why is this. In my mind, it is WRONG to have to make your own birthday cake. RL did give me a cute little scoop of ice cream with whipped cream and chocolate syrup, but dudeee......how bout the yummy looking vanilla cheesecake???? MB enjoyed the ice cream.

I did blow out the candle and make a wish. What did I wish for you may ask. I have always been told if you tell it does not happen, but since I don't believe that, dear blogger friend, let me tell you what I wished for:

I wished for a year of healthy family members. With all that my mom has been through in the last year, she called and told me a few weeks ago that the doctors did mammograms, ultrasounds, bloodwork, sonograms and everything just shy of cracking her in half to see if she is really human and determined that she does not have a recurrent breast cancer, at least not in her breast, but all they could find was a cyst. She is not sure of the lung situation, because she just had pneumonia, but it seems to be better too. God is good!

Then MB started school. He is in a class with 16 other kids. Praying for health and safety for him.

I have my own issues....and who knows what else can be thrown our way.

I also wished for comfort in the lack of peace in the world around us.

Then I find myself THANKFUL that I'm upper 30-something years old and was excited that I can look back and see good and look forward to more good. My father wished me a HB yesterday and said just wait till you're 60. I said I can't wait. That means I got an additional 20+ years to live! He does not understand my acceptance with this concept. He is not a happy man....I AM a thankful, try to be happy woman.

I am thankful that though I was born 2 months early I am alive in a time where that was harder than usual.

I am grateful that in 1996 I survived a blood clot in my lung that almost killed me. ALMOST.

I am grateful that there are people who love me.

I am grateful for my husband and all he does.

I am grateful for my little MB who got up first thing in the morning on my BD and said "mommy, I have to sing Happy Birthday to you" and then proceeded to sing. Warmed my heart!!!

I am grateful that my sister is here with us and celebrated my birthday with me.

I'm just thankful for life on my birthday, today and everyday. It is my favorite birthday gift.

If you are not from Nashville this probably won't mean anything to you.

2006-08-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

Today I am happy for an odd kind of reason. A person I never met was murdered, presumbably, 10 years ago. Today her killer was brought to justice. Now I'm not talking about Jon Benette Ramsey, thought I'm glad they found her killer and he confessed. I'm talking about a woman named Janet Levine. Her husband, Perry March, was (thankfully and with long overdue justice) found guilty of murder, tampering with the evidence and abuse of a corpse in her death. Her body has never been found.

The really really really sad part of this is that 2 children now have to live without either of their parents. One because she was threatening divorce and the other because he was callous and cowardly enough to murder her for it. After Mrs. Levine-March went missing 10 years ago a local TV station interviewed one of the children who said he could remember his mom leaving in her car, with her suitcase, and she thought to look up at his window and wave as she left. The problem with this was this was a couple of years after his mom went missing. Shortly AFTER the lawyer picks up his kids and moves to Mexico where he marries another woman and HIDES for 10 years.

The man's father moved to Mexico too. They both had to be extradited back to the US when formal charges were FINALLY made.

On this point I want to praise the police investigators and all the hard work they did on this case. I can not imagine the roadblocks that were thrown in their way. We have been told some of them, but I'm sure not all of them. In addition to running off to another country, Perry March was found guilty of trying to hire a hitman to kill his in-laws, Janet's parents. He was found guilty of stealing from the clients at the law firm he worked at. Charging thousands of dollars in fees and the billing the clients again for the firm....the clients got stuck paying legal bills twice. I don't care how much money you have, that sucks. Being a lawyer, he knew how to play the game and play he did. He tried to offer up deals on his way back to the U.S. "If I confess can you get me less time or time served" kind of crap. Not the words of an innocent man.

The MOST frustrating thing, aside from OBVIOUSLY feeding his son a lie about the day his mother disappeared for so long that the child really believes it to be true, is the fact that his lawyers actually tried to say because there was no body she was not really dead.

come on.....seriously. WHO did you think was going to buy THAT???

1. They were known to be fighting.
2. Friends and family say Janet was divorcing him and threatening to blow the whistle on his money scheme at work and take EVERYTHING.
3. Suddenly she's gone...while your daddy's construction business is laying a concrete foundation or driveway.
4. Your obviously ailing father confesses on video that HE HELPED YOU bury the body, but he can not recollect exactly where.
5. YOU begged for a deal on an airplane ride back to the U.S. before you stood trial for murder, conspiracy to commit murder, on and on....
6. Your son begs to not be put on the stand. (you think he's not gonna need a little help??)

Come on Perry, the best you deserve is the death sentance. Unfortunately, because it was 2nd degree murder you will get 12 to 25 years. I pray it's closer to 25 in a maximum security prison. You deserve at least that.

Your children deserve the truth.

Your children deserve to live with Janet's parents who can love them, share memories of their mother and help them get the help they need now that they too know you MURDERED THEIR MOTHER.

yeah, 25 years is too easy for you.

You know what I wish right now...?

2006-08-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

I wish I could remember my password to pay the phone bill.

Lets see..
I have 5 bill log-in's with different passwords and IDs to remember
My email password and log in.
My Blog password and log in.
the bank log in and password
6 different passwords and log-ins at work, wait, 7 if you count the time card log in.
3 password/log in's to remember for my sister.
the PIN on my ATM card.
The login, password and phone number for the homework hotline we check every night.

is it any wonder my memory is cached out?

The sick part of it all, with all of this password crap, somebody still stole my credit card number.
HAH on them....we were almost at the limit anyway and you are BUSTED!

oh...hey, I forgot the login for my cell phone's voice mail...can't forget that....

now...where did I store that phone bill logon before we get cut off.????

And so it begins

2006-08-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

This morning was the second full day of school for MB and you know what I heard.

"I LOVE school mommy, can we go now?"

bwhahahahahhahaha....yeah, right.

no, I heard "Mommy, I don't want to go to school today. I want to stay home with you all day."

Day TWO people!

I looked squarely at my son and said..
"Angel boy, I know you really are tired because you hem and haw at bed time and really have a hard time going to sleep by 8 and getting up for school at 6:15. You go back and lay down and mommy will make you a nice bowl of fresh fruit and yogurt for breakfast. I'll call off work and we can both just play on the computer all day."

man...you are easy to fool aren't you. Maybe not.

You KNOW what I REALLY said???

First I broke into a fit of laughter and then said : "BOY, you have at least 16 more years of school ahead of you. Get your little butt dressed and eat before I have to put wooden spoon to your little butt."

Then I got sassy pans attitude and told him to go back to bed and come out with a better attitude.

It worked.

Got him to school . He had a great day.

You know, life is a lot like my son's attitude. When you really don't want to do something or you don't get enough sleep, I don't know about you kind blog friend, but I get a little grumpy. I pray that I allow God to send me to my room (or at least my knees) till I get my attitude adjustment.

Just another deep though from a common day. Kids. They teach you something every day.

I see you peeking...waiting....wondering

2006-08-09T18:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, MB went to Kindergarten on Monday for his first 1/2 day. I was fine. No weeping, puddling or tugging at his little body to come back with me to the safety and security of his own home. I didn't even cry when we (DH and I) walked out of the school after dropping him off. NOPE. None of that. I did well up a bit when I called my mom and said "My baby is in school!" but my mom is not a softie...not at all. She was kind of like "so what" so I sucked it up and went to work. I did get my Dreamer to bring MB and the brothers to work so we could have lunch together and debrief the day.

He did fine. He even liked it.

Now today was the first full day of Kindergarten. I dropped him off. Told the PALS committee I was intersted in joining (the PTA here is PALS) and walked out of the school. Got in my van and started off to work.....and

wait for it......

wait for it...

cried my freaking eyes out! It's a good thing I don't wear much makeup or I would have looked like my face melted.

I left my baby...excuse me....big boy, little man, sweet kiddo in the care of a capable Christian lady (in a public school, but when a teacher gets happy when you tell her you pray for her every day, you know where she stands). I know he will love her. She loves the kids so much. There are new friends...etc.

MY BABY IS ALL GROWN UP!! (well not all grown up. I still pick his clothes so he will match and make sure he drinks some milk).

Ok, I'm over it for now. Why does my mind go all kinds of crazy places when I step away from my boy? I know I'm over protective and God is in charge of this kid, but man....my imagination is over active.......very very overactive.

So we have our new teacher, new school, new routine (which I abhore, but we will discuss the craziness of that later) and now, let the fundraisers begin. We ALREADY have a fundraiser...yeah, first full day, I've been indoctrinated.

anybody want to buy some school junk??

happy Anniversary

2006-08-03T04:16:00.000-07:00

My hunny bunny and I recently celebrated our 7th anniversary. (Lets see how many pet names I can call my precious during this post. Love you schmookins). Since we are trying to get the financial thing together in a better way we decided we would not spend a lot of money on gifts for each other. BUT we did decide on one gift we both wanted and share it.

We discovered our ideal gift while watching television one evening. No, it was not a housekeeper from the Brady Bunch (but if anybody wants to send one over we'd take the housekeeper), it was not a new and improved shampoo or new diet plan. It has to do with a band. My favorite band of all time to be exact. We happened upon a video of Pink Floyd live in concert. I don't know why I love their music so much, but I always have. Since I was like 10 or maybe even younger. I dreamed of seeing Pink Floyd live in concert. Never happened. Then the band broke up when Roger Waters and David Gilmore had some kind of artistic disagreement and that was the end of the Pink.

I was bummed. Then I found out they toured in 1999 and I MISSED IT???? what was wrong with me in 1999. So I missed my opportunity to see my fav band live. Then I MISSED the reunion on MTV for psunami relief (which I heard was annoying at best since MTV thought it best to TALK all over the performace of a lifetime. Punks.

So we spied with our little eyes the PULSE dvd. I looked at my sugar bits, who I have exposed to the viral quality of Pink Floyd's music, and he said "order it". To which I said..."it can be our anniversary gift" knowing he loves it too. We never did order it. Nope.

But you see, my sweetie works with other music lovers and caught sight of the DVD in the hands of one of his co-workers and asked "Hey man where did you get that?" The reply.....Best Buy (shameless plug of Best Buy). My darling then, on his way home from work, stopped and got the DVD for our anniversary...

wait, it gets better.

He not only got it, but about at 1/2 of what we would have paid if we got it from the TV ad (there, now go save money yourselves if you love Pink Floyd).

So my soul mate and I watched Pink Floyd in all it's 2 disk concerted glory (and it is FANTASTIC!!!) over the course of 2 nights. Oh goodness, LOVED IT. It made me really feel like a jerk for missing the show. The little bass player, though a cutie, can NOT sing. Thank goodness he only attempts it once. I LOVED it. So did the daddy. but he fell asleep 1/2 through the 2nd disc. That's ok. I rocked enough for us both.

So, Babe, thank you for getting this for us for our anniversary. I love you pookie.

Oh soo very HOT

2006-08-02T04:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, it's just barely August now and it is HOT.......HOT.

No, not just summer hot but wicked disgusting "do I have to step outside?" hot. I write this at 6:30 in the morning and it is already 82 degrees outside. Yeah, 82 is not bad, but add the humidity and it already feels oppressively hot at 6:30 in the morning.

We have 2 auto manufacturing plants near here and they actually SUSPEND PRODUCTION during the day so we commoners can have AC in our houses.

How hot (and humid) is it where you are? We are due for another 105 degree day with the humidity factored in. This is about the 3rd week of this now. With this heat, ask yourselves this:

If you create a HUGE parking lot, why not concrete instead of blacktop or why not paint the blacktop white with black lines??? The walk across the parking lot at work is enough to dehydrate a girl.

Why does lake water get so warm so fast? Going to the lake to cool off is like swimming in a warm tub. It's just not worth the walk across the blacktop again.

and finally

how do you keep a kitchen cool when you need to cook dinner? There are only so many salads a family like mine is willing to eat before they want FOOOOOOD and that means an oven. I can not eat another egg sanndwich in an attempt to keep the oven/stove off.

Share your coping tips here!

I wish I were still a stay-at-home mom...

2006-07-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

I got sick on Friday... It was nasty and very uncomfortable. I even called off work because of me...something I NEVER do. Not only that, but it was an incentive meeting day...the day they hand out certificates, balloons, donuts and (my motivation at work) money. But I missed it. I will still get my balloons, certificates and money, but no donuts (who needs those anyway), but I kind of like the excitement of the incentive meetings. But I was HURTING BIG TIME sick...so I stayed home.

Now that I feel somewhat human again (though still queezy and tummy still hurts) MB is puking all over the house. What was lower intestine for me (Thankfully really, I hate puking) MB has upper GI. He started puking while sleeping in my sister's bed (with her permission while she was at work) at 2am. So though I was barely over my tortuous problem, now I have to take care of MB because DH can not handle puke. MB has been vomiting off and on all day, but if you ask him, he feels fine. And he does not have a temperature. This fits me out into torturing myself worrying about rejection as it always does when he gets sick out of nowhere, but I can get him to drink a little and he has eaten a bit without throwing up.

We see his nephrologist on Tuesday. Pray for us that this is just a tummy bug and I got it and because he will never leave me alone, even when I'm sick, probably gave it to him. I pray that is all it is.

The big problem for me is that I have to go to work tomorrow. I know his aunt and daddy will be home with him, but when you are sick you want your ....... mommy.

Man, I wish I could still be a stay-at-home or even work-from-home mom again.

WHAT THE FAST FOOD INDUSTRY DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW.

2006-07-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

I read the book called "Chew on This"....yup I did. It caught my eye at the library last week and I read the whole thing...no, devoured it would be the correct term, like a Big Mac Meal with fresh hot fries and large diet coke......

but I have to say, this book GROSSED me out so badly that I can no longer eat fast food. period.

I now have problems grocery shopping in general.

The book is a good read. The beginning is all about the birth of the interstate and with it the drive thru window. Sad really. Wonderous apple orchards turned to concrete jungles. But that, my friends, is just progress in our day and age; the progression of order to chaos.

Then it got to the cool stuff. How McDonald's got the french fry and the very cool sounding potato gun cutter. Seriously, how could anybody who likes gadets pass this one up. It sucks up the potato, strips the skin off while pressure "blowing" the potato through a wicked sharp blade that cuts every potato perfectly. Sweeeeeeeet.

Then the horror of the fast food industry seeps into the warm sesame seed bun heaven. I was so disheartened at how the beef is raised and consumed that I am wondering how we can find out if we are eating free range beef at every turn. The chicken chapter made me cry...seriously. How on EARTH are we eating chickens that are so fat and kept in spaces where they can't move that they are having friggin heart attacks...CHICKEN>>> having HEART ATTACKS! If you are what you eat we are in some serious trouble my friends.

Then the whole soda thing, which has caused me to limit my kids consumption of soda to one or 2 per week, a change they are none to happy about. I myself only drink diet soda and then not very often. Too much carbonation...heartburn you know.

Then the obvious abuse of kids in the system of the fast food mega giants. Yeah, I know somebody has to do it, but when it affects the kids, not cool. I remember working long LOOOOOOONNNNNNG hours at my parents pizza place, but it was not to the detriment of school. And they still make the kids pay for their food, if they want to eat that stuff.

The whole book broke my heart. I have sworn off the stuff. I just can't do it. If one, yes, ONE fast food mega giant with a clown and golden arches can control the way chickens are killed for food and the price of eggs and beef....i'm truly saddened.

So, MB, get over it, mommy is no longer shopping in the arches, with the king or any of them really. I'm just disguested.

"My earthly kingdom for a bathroom"

2006-06-27T19:35:00.000-07:00

ROFLOL.....

here's the sitch, as Kim Possible says, we have 3 adults and 1 5-year-old in our teenie, tiny house now and only one ....um...facility. Normally this is not an issue as our schedules differ greatly. I get up before my husband. My sister gets home as we are getting up....not much of a backlog there. But add in the other kids every other weekend and we have some real problems developing.

I know there are exercises to increase the tautness of one's buttocks, but tell me, is there an exercise to increase the size of one's bladder????

My kingdom (on earth, nobody gets the good stuff in Heaven baby) my kingdom for another bathroom .....

and I really could use a bigger kitchen and laundry room....

and is a mud room too much to ask for...wrap around portch and maybe a little storage....

oh and 4 bedrooms.

I ask too much *wink*

Utterly invisible.

2006-06-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt utterly invisible? I have this feeling occasionally, but for some reason lately more than ever. I wish I could say that my invisibilty meant God's visible through me....but I'm not sure that is it either. I just feel invisible.

alone in a house full of people.
alone in an office full of activity and people on the phones.
alone in the church pew.
alone in the grocery store, on the freeway, alone.

I'm wishing and praying for some intrapersonal relationships, but my alone-ness is growing.

I hope I grow out of it soon.

My sister lives with us now and I love it. I spend a lot of time talking to her about God and depression and hope. But I still feel alone.

My son clings to me...but I still feel alone.

I pray, and KNOW I am not alone, but still feel alone.

I sit with my husband and feel alone.

I'm gagging myself now with my self pity. See you 'round.

Summer reading list

2006-06-07T05:31:00.000-07:00

We are on vacation, sort of, this week. Visiting my in-laws, and hoping to see my mom before she moves to Texas.

While visiting my in-laws, I have to confess a guilty secret. I LOVE books. Not just "wow, I really like to read" but I LOVE BOOKS and so does my MIL (Mother-in-law for those now familiar with on-line shortcuts). I was sitting in her office and gazing longingly at all of the wonderful books on her shelves when I spotted a book about the friendship of C.S. Lewis and JRR Tolkein. OHHH man. I wanted to stop talking to everybody and read that book. I behaved myself and asked to borrow it....it and about 10 0ther books at this point. My MIL is awesome and we have this whole shared existance a few years apart (you thought I'd give you her age didn't you!)....we are frighteningly similar in many many ways (It is true boys, you marry your mom....ask my husband). So she, of course, loaned me the book...and the others...and then added a few she knew I would like to read. I'm giddy with anticipation. Now, I don't have time to read them now...you know...running all over creation to try to catch up with old friends and family in the area. But I tell you what. I have not watched TV in about a week now and, though I will admit I miss it, I will be missing more when we get home because I want to read these books. I will tell you about them as I go if you are intersted. I have not had a great read in a long time. There are only so many times you can read Jane Ayre or The Red Dwarf before you gotta get some new literature in you.

So thank you Momma.....I'm sorry I'm taking about 1/8 of your personal reading libarary with me back to Tennessee *grin* You can visit it in November when you come for your conference.

Ethical dilema.....what would YOU do?

2006-05-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

We had MB's birthday party last week at a local bowling alley. Sooo much fun was had by all who bowled and came to celebrate the birthday of one special kid. We also had a bit of family drama that day, so my mind was muy preocupado......

I settled up with the bowling alley after 3 hours of 15 people cosmic bowling. It was a bit higher than expected, but really, everybody had a great time and it really was quite a deal for 3 hours of 15 people bowling. The tab was $103.00. I handed J at the counter the fantastic plastic (yeah I know, should have paid cash, but was not sure how many ppl were going to show up and bowl). He ran the card, my cell phone rang......I didn't pay attention.

I check the credit card bill and the bowling alley charged me 1.03 Yeup, one dollar and 3 cents.
There is the ethical dilemia I mentioned. We are not a rich family by any means....humble and broke is usually the situation. So what would you do?..........

if you really KNOW me you already know what I did, and I did it without hesitation or remorse (though the totally selfish, cheap side of me cringed a bit) I drove back to the bowlig alley over my lunch yesterday to try to pay the man. They were not open. So I drove back again AFTER work and walked to the counter. J was not in sight, so I told somebody "I had a party here last weekend and was micharged". She got the manager who came out of the office ready for a fight.
I had to explain what happened twice. I was not sure if the look on his face was "how stupid are you lady" or "Wow, an honest person", but I told him he only charged me $1.03 and I needed to pay the difference. I just hope his ethical side comes forward and he does not fire the poor girl who didn't realize that HE charged me to little.

So, what would you have done?

5 years ago.....

2006-05-24T17:43:00.000-07:00

Five years ago my universe changed.
I thought I understood God.
I thought I understood love.
I thought I loved with all my heart.

I was wrong.

I found that out 5 years ago today.

Five years ago I thought I was happy.
I thought I was complete.
I thought I had everything.
I thought life was perfect.

I was wrong.

I realized that 5 years ago.

Five years ago today
I discovered what it is to be loved.
I discovered what it is to love completely.
I discovered how much God loves me, like a parent loves a child.

Five years ago today my greatest blessing was born.
Not perfect in the world's eyes, but definately perfect in my eyes.

Five years ago Dr. H popped a little blueberry baby over that curtain that separated my head from the amazing thing happening in my uterus as I had an emergency C-section.

I knew you'd be fine.
I knew you'd be perfect.
I knew you'd fight.

MB.....you have taught me what it means to love and really be loved.
You showed me God in a way I could NEVER have understood till there was you.
You showed me I can be stronger than I ever imagined possible and can be reduced to tears in a single hug, handprint and unsolicitated smootch.

You taught me I could tolerate a dog and sneak the cats food just to watch your wonderment of it all.

I know you have taught me a lot and I am sure there is more to learn.

You are my son,
my friend,
my smiles
and one day my brother in Christ.

May you walk strong and serve Him who has protected you for these 5 years.

Happy Birthday little man. You are the greatest gift a mom could ever ask for.

Heard today in the "ninnyvan"

2006-05-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

sxf (Sound effects for those who know know the abbreviation): Assorted car noises that sound like my poor old beat up van.

Mommy: What are you doing son?

MB: Guess what I am mommy..!!!

Mommy: I don't know. A car?

MB: Nope. I'm talking like your van... in SPANISH!

I swear...you can't make this stuff up!!!

I never thought it would happen...could ever happen.

2006-05-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

I became a mother almost 5 years ago. In 10 short days MB will be 5 years old. I would not trade the mothering experience for anything in the world. I actually became a mom almost 7 years ago when I married my husband. He has 2 boys from his previous marriage and they are my stepsons, and though I love them dearly, they are not mine. I don't see them on Mother's day because they belong with their mother on Mother's day and I will not ever steal that from her.

Anyway, as we were in church this morning I thought about all of the women who desperately want to be mother's but can not for physical reasons. To you today, I want to wish you the love and joy friend's children and family's children can bring to you. To somebody, you are full of the love of a mother. They know it. How do I know and say this? Before I got married, my best friend's children were like my own. They knew I loved them as a mother loves her children and would do anyting... ANYTHING for them. Though they are not my children I would throw myself in front of a train and die for them if necessary. Stand in front of a loaded gun so they would be safe. The same things I would do for my son.

My heart does ache for the women who can not have children of her own. It was supposed to be my story. That is why MB name is Samuel. Samuel's mother, in the Bible of course, prayed that God would give her a son. That she would be worthy of the name mother. Her husband's other wife had children and she lorded it over her and made her feel horrible about not having children. In that day it was a shameful thing for a woman not to have a child. She prayed and prayed so hard that the priest though she was drunk and tried to make her leave the temple. She told him what she had prayed for. God gave her a son and she named him Samuel because he was "asked of God". That is why my son is Samuel. I asked God for him. Begged. Pled. Cried for a child of my own knowing I was told my body was broken and would not accept a child.

The day I discovered I was pregnant was the most exciting and frightening day of my life. I remember looking at the pregnancy test and having a friend check it just to be sure I saw what I saw (the 2nd blue line). I rember sitting in the bathroom saying to my unborn child...."Fight, you are the most wanted baby in the world!". He still fights. His life has been a hard road so far. He was born 2 months early in renal failure but too small and weak to start on dialysis, spent 6 weeks in the NICU before coming home for the first time, went back in the hospital for another 6 weeks and was started on dialysis which we did at home every night for a year, got a kidney from daddy, had several surgeries in between for hernias and recathetrizations. This boy tried to die too many times for me to count. So many opportunities for the gift to be stripped from me. I am thankful he continues to fight and do so well. My pregnancy was frought with problems as well. I had to shoot insulin from the 3rd month on. I had to take shots of Heparin every day (a blood thinner) because of a history of blood clots. I ended up in the hospital on strict bedrest (only allowed to sit up to eat and stand up to go to the bathroom) for 6 weeks (could you imagine how insane I would be if he held out all 8 weeks he was early!). I was on a high dose of blood thinners when I had an emergency c-section to deliver Sam. It was a hard road....and one I would love to take again. But it will not happen. This is a fact that it can not and really should not.

God has blessed me. The best thing that has ever happened to me is to be a mom. I have learned more about God and grace and forgiveness and discipline from being a mom than I ever would have understood if I were not a mother. God, thank you for the lessons. I know and pray that I have many many many more years of these valuable lessons as I watch my son become a man of God.

On Mother's day I have to tell you that being a mom also makes me appreciate all my mom did for us. The sacrifices she made and the hardships she withstood for us. I now understand how much it hurt her when we said we hated her ask kids. How much she apprecaited a hug for no reason at all.

Mom...I wish you were closer so I could hug you today and let you know I'm glad you are my mom. I love you.

To all the mom's out there. Hug your babies today. Put aside your anger and frustrations and make ammends. Let yourself FEEL really FEEL the love that is inside you for your child. Children are a gift from God and we moms are honestly the lucky ones.

MB, thanks for making me a mom. ... you deserve the gifts and love today. (I have to brag on a baby's love here. At his baby sitter's house he and the sitter's husband made a card for me and picked a rose from her garden. When he presented me with this rose, it was wilting and dying, but it smelled wonderful and MB and I played with it...hard. Sniffing it, kissing it, brushing it on our faces. I put it in a bottle of water I happened to have in the van but did not expect it to survive the night. The next morning when I got up that rose is alive, strong and well......it's baby's love that brought that thing back. Magic I tell you, love is Magic!).

Nothing quite like cleaning your kids room to make you realize

2006-04-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

Makes you realize just how much JUNK you have in your house and when you house is only 1200 sq feet, there is not much room to begin with. I have spent 5 hours..yes, I did say 5 hours, now cleaining the boys room. MB shares a room with his bigger brother (1/2 brother) and they have WAY too much stuff in that tiny room. Actually, they have the big bedroom since they have to share it, but there is sooooo little storage room and Sooooo many toys it's disgusting.

I have had to lay down the law since I go through this every couple of months...the new rule...if you dump it you clean it. If you don't clean it and I have to do it again, I'm giving it away.
In fact, I'm trying to give some of it away today. I have a Big Big loader up for grabs as well as a couple of puzzles and an alphabet apple (cute game really, if you don't know your letters, which MB does).

So I'm cleaning and organizing again thinking...nay, knowing full well that I will have to do this again in a few months. Am I strong enough to get rid of toys.

I think I need the Supernanny to come kick my butt on this. He really does not have that many toys, the toys he does have have a lot of little parts. The scary thing, the parts only get smaller as they get older as evidenced by the bigger brothers' toys in the room.

did I mention how much I HATE leggos?

I guess I tackle my room and my Discovery Toys next. May have a sale on those soon to get them out of here. I think I may stop selling them....but I'm not sure yet.

Recent discussion at our house

2006-04-14T04:51:00.000-07:00

Me: Hey baby, you gotta get dressed or we are going to be late for work.
MB: Moooooommmmmmmmeeeeeeeee.....you gotta stop calling me baby. I'm almost 5!
Me: Well, what do you want me to call you then?
MB: You can call me Sam or you can call me boy, but you can not call me baby anymore. I am not a baby...I'm a big boy...so you call me by my name or you call me boy. Okay?
Me: Well, give momma some time to adjust and correct me if I call you baby, but okay. I will call you Sam or I will call you boy. How about little man?
MB: Mmmmm. I'm not sure yet. I will tell you later (with a click click of the toungue and a wink and thumbs up thrown in here...I swear he does that all the time).
Me: Okay boy. I love you.
MB: I love you too mommy.

**Sigh**. Growing up too fast.

He talks about playing games with N, N's mom babysits MB....he told me the other day he and N were playing house....yeah house...."and our 'girls' are out shopping and we are cooking dinner so when they and the babies come back they can eat".

Still taking applications for his future wife. I need references including a pastor. *wink*

There are storms and then there are STORMS in life...

2006-04-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a scary day to live and work near/in Nashville, Tennessee. Morning started out with a warning from our friendly local weather man saying there was a possibility of some strong storms as a cold front and warm front were expected to meet around mid-day here in Middle Tennessee. They met, with catastrophic results. 11 people lost their lives and many many more lost their homes and businesses as a series of tornados ripped through an area well known to your gentle blogger friend. My step-sons old church was destroyed. Thank goodness nobody there was hurt. My step-sons were at school when the tornado hit Hendersonville. They were out in the hall at school in duck and cover mode. My husband's work had them huddled in the halls...my job had us answering calls as hail pounded the roof and windows. Nice huh. My sister who recently moved here decided it would be "fun" to chase this tornado. She's fine and she didn't even get to see it. The ex-wife saw the funnel across the lake from her house. Thankfully it was headed in the opposite direction. The sad thing about storms like this is that though we KNEW it was coming, there was little we could do to prevent the damage or loss of life because a tornado hits hard and fast and is non-discerning who it hurts. My prayers go out to the familes of the lost loved-ones and the newly homeless. The gas station where we usually exchange the kids is wiped clean off the map....gone...nuttin' but rubble left.

Then there are storms in life that you can see the signs of but again your attempts to thwart them are fruitless.

My mom was admitted to the hospital recently because her lung collapsed. This is a problem that has been going on since December (aided and abetted by an idiot doctor who told her she only had a bad cold). She has had to have her lung tapped ( they got 2 liters of fluid from it) and then had to have a drain tube put in because it would not stop developing fluid. So she is in the hospital and they test the fluid. My mom is an amazing fighter and has been free of breast cancer for almost 10 years....it would have been 10 years in September... and they say if you go 10 years w/o recurrance you are considered cancer free. You can read the signs now too can't you. The cytogenetics came back and they are positive for recurrent breast cancer, but this time in her bones and lungs. Since I don't think my mom has access to this blog (to my knowledge that is) I will tell you, gentle reader, that this is a POOR prognosis. Recurrent breast cancer is rarely if ever curable and if it's in the lungs and bones (metastisized) it's incurable and it is just a matter of time. I will NEVER tell this to my mother, but I live in a storm of reality that my mom is dying. I don't know when, but I do know how. It's a bitter pill. She will tell you that everybody has to die. She is right. We start dying the moment we are born. I wanted longer. I wanted my mom to see my son graduate high school and get married and start a family for himself. This is something we pray for MB every day. We know his days are numbered too. We don't know the number. You don't know the number. Only our Creator, as gracious and wonderful as He is knows our numbers...and when they are up, they are up. Nothing we can do will lengthen them. Bibically there was only 1 who had is number of days extended and they were not lived happily ever after.

The winds are blowing, the signs are there, the storm is coming. There is no amount of preparation a woman can do to prepare for the loss of her mother. I love my mom and believe I will see her again once she goes to heaven and my Heavenly Father takes me home too when my number is up, but really....I want my mom here. I can sit in the hall and duck and cover or I can continue to take calls. Either way the storm comes. I hope after the inevitable touch down that I can pick up my pieces and continue on though there will be a huge void in my small universe, while the rest of the world barely notices it lost a good woman.

No Smoking.....PLEASE.

2006-03-16T18:07:00.000-08:00

If you think this is a blog about some thoughtless person smoking in public and blowing smoke at a non-smoker you are not correct. . .

This is about a van that, after $200 in repairs on the brake system, started smoking, stuttering and got nasty fast....on a major road in a town where EVERYBODY is in a hurry and thinks they are more imporant than anybody else.

The van, mine. The smoke...real and acrid and filling the van. I pulled into the turning lane that goes nowhere and stopped the van I thought was on fire and hopped out. Thankfully, I was coming HOME from work and MB was not with me (I drop him off, daddy picks him up) so I did not have to worry about him. So here I am, in the middle of the street, hood up, me wearing a skirt (gasp for those of you who really know me) and I am trying to figure out where the problem is. I pretty much know, because I added transmission fluid the other day when I checked the transmission fluid and it was bone dry....BONE DRY...but apparently I added it to the brake fluid because, though I would like to THINK I am car savvy, I am not. So the brakes were going out and I found out that I need another $800 to fix the damage I did (working on it), but this was not the brakes....nooooooooope. New pads and rotors after the shimmy stop I did on the way to work after dropping MB off that scared me half to death. No...This was transmission, which is REALLY bone dry now because though I though I fed it juice, I surely did not. I had 3/4 bottle of transmission fluid left so I put it in where the brake guy told me it should go (where was he when I needed him ??). Does anybody stop????
please....will somebody stop.....
please.
p l e a s e?????

Sure. A friend of mine from MOPs stops and offers to help, but she's about as mechanically inclinded as I am. She stops as I am trying to find a funnel small enough to put the transmission fluid into the CORRECT resevoir. She is a total blessing....she goes and gets her mechanically inclined husband to come help me.

While she pulls away, a police officer decides to stop (I think he thought we crashed) and asks if he can call me a tow truck or did I think I could get the van off the street...Um...thanks officer, wanna help push?

TOTALLY on the brink of tears, I tell him he needs to give me a quick second b/c I'm trying NOT to burst out crying at this point...wisely, he backed off, told me he would get behind the van and when I thought I could try to move it he would escort me into the parking lot beyond the light I'm broken down at. Gee...thanks.

So I look for a funnel, and necessity being the mother of invention, I improvise and use old Sunday School leader guide to fashion a small tipped funnel and pour in the transmission fluid and hobble my minivan into the parking lot.

Jr. comes and escorts me to the Dollar General across the street so I can get some more transmisison fluid and then recommends I take it to a mechanic in the morning. I get home....tired, stressed and weary in time to make dinner.

So I take the van to the mechanic today (2 days later...too much trauma, now I can talk about it) and he specializes in transmissions...and he tells me THERE IS NOTHING NOTHING wrong with my transmission. what what what??? So we take it out for a spin and all the odd stuff it was doing is gone. ZIP....nada...behaves almost like a van with only 100,000 miles on it, not it's 110,500 miles.

So, my theory, God fixed my van. Thanks! I needed the break. Thanks to Jr. and Tina and all who kept me cool...to officer not-so-helpful for not making me cry or pay for a tow truck...
and to my van, may you ever be a non-smoking vehicle!

MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY....MOOOOONAY!!

2006-03-04T09:17:00.000-08:00

Sing it with me kids......

Ok, maybe you don't know the song.

I like money. Do you like money? I don't LOVE it, but it sure is nice to get some extra sometimes. I really like to spend money too...spoil people, celebrate, eat out, buy clothes for MB...give it away to organizations I believe in including our church. Like everybody else, I need more.

I recently got an "incentive" reward from work and I have to say, it felt goooooooooooddddddd. I really like being told "you are doing a good job" and I really really like it when they say that AND hand you money at the same time. Oh the sunshine that followed my day yesterday when I discovered in our monthly incentive meeting that I got some extra moola.

DH asked what were were going to do to celebrate.... I'm such a romantic, can you guess what I said....go ahead, guess.

If you really really know me you know I told him we were paying off a bill. That is just what I did too. LOL.... I really want to be out of debt so nobody has control over me...nobody.

so sing with me....Money , money, money, money......MOOHHHHHHNNNNAAAAYY.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to get this kind of incnetive every month and we should be out of debt in ....oh...4 years or so. LOL

SO thanks work, I am glad you are happy with me...I'm pretty happy with you too.

CRAZY dreams

2006-02-26T09:33:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been so exhausted that you don't even remember falling asleep. You vaguely remember laying down, but not the moment you fell asleep. Maybe I am just weird, but I usually remember falling asleep. Lately, however, I think I am so drained from my daily grind that I just hit the bed and have no recollection of falling asleep. And then there are the dreams.

I have work dreams all the time that are fairly predictable and are obviously me trying to work out what I do at work in my sleep, especially if I was unable to figure something out at work. Ah the human mind. (I really need an off switch.) One reason I took this job was that I did not think I would be taking it home with me like I had other jobs in the past. Apparently I'm a work slave and carry any and all jobs home with me.

But I have some ODD dreams, lately more than usual. Extra tired I suppose. Take last night for example. MB is sick again (threw up till he had the dry heaves at 1:30 in the morning and then the diarrhea started....fun fun stuff). So my dream had my doctor in it. I know she was in it because we are trying to shuffle appointments next month, but her schedule is so tight that this may not be possible, but it needs to be done, so I dreamed about it. But....in the dream I was in the hospital (probably from little man being sick and when he gets dehydrated that is where we all end up...him inpatient and me or daddy with him). But in my dream it was me...and my doc took me to a MALL which was all outdoors with LOTS and LOTS of LADDERS to climb to get from one place to another, and we were looking for a dog.

Any dream weavers out there, feel free to explain this.

In the meantime, it's a new day, MB seems to be feeling better, we had to miss chuch again because we never share the "joy" if you know what I mean, and I desperately want sleep...DESPERATELY. For a kid that yacked until the wee hours of the morning, he still got up by 7:30.

Props to DH, by the way, who got up at 5:30 to give MB medicine that he missed because he threw it up after we gave it to him last night, and then still took the step-sons to church and is running the compters at the church right now while I stay home with MB...Thanks babe.

I'm such a nerd...

2006-02-20T16:51:00.000-08:00

I have taken vacation in June to go to my best friend's daughter's high school graduation. That does not make me a nerd, that makes me a good friend (besides, I'm so proud of S....my best friend has home schooled her from day 1 and she is ONE SMART cookie!).

I am a nerd because we will be finishing off our vacation in downtown Chicago. AAAAAAHHHHH I miss Chi town so much. I can't wait to go take a train down there, go to the museums and spend the night in a hotel. My In-Laws are coming too, which will only make it more fun, and they will watch the kids so hubby bubby and I can go out on the BIG CITY I MISS SO much....

So, I'm pinching pennies and planning our museum rounds. Even the kids think this is going to be great! Whooo Hoooo....education and fun in one small trip north.

I can't wait!!!

The "Rents" are moving to Texas.

2006-02-11T07:53:00.000-08:00

Yes, you heard me right, Texas. My parents, in their 60's (and late at that) decided it would be a good idea to sell their house and move to Middle-o-nowhere, Texas. In fact, so set are they in this goal that they are prepared to just LEAVE their current home in Indiana to just GO to Texas. When I first heard this I was kind of freaked out. We have tried to talk them into moving to Tennessee to be closer to us for a couple of years now and even had a trial of mom coming to live with us for a month or so to look for a job and find a place to live. The problem there lay in the fact that my father hates HATES hates rednecks, so Tennessee was out for him (little does he realize that MOST people in this part of Tennessee are imported from the west and east coast, but I digress).

Then I realize my parents have not told anybody but ME that they are moving. Their reasoning, nobody else has called them, so they were not going to tell them. Nice huh. (I think to date now my siblings all know...they all live a few miles from my parents in Indiana too, sad).

So they are sold on this and paying my oldest sister's boyfriend to help them get the house ready (whole other conversation) to sell, hopefully. They tell me they are moving next month. I'm still a bit shocked, but when I really sat down and think about it, the shock resolves.

When I was a wee child (probably 6 or 7, meaning siblings were between 9 and 4) we lived in a cute little house with 1-1/2 acres behind our house in a quite little suburb of Chicago called Miller Woods in Chicago Heights. LOVED IT!! It was not without its problems (my bike got stolen and thrown in the creek, I got picked on at the bus stop and the neighbor kids used to harass us regularly) but there were quiet streets, long bike rides, skateboard tag and friends. Our neighbor had a weeping willow that I loved to look at. We blew up snakes with M80s and my mom's buckets with the same. We started the neighbor's yard on fire one 4th of July with fireworks (who knew it was that dry that year) and had a tornado in our back yard that my mom let us kids sleep through but was silly enough to tell us about the next night. I remember the layout of the house and the smell of the barn and the eternal clawfoot bathtub, the only thing that lived in said barn other than a million stray cats. It was a great place to live. My father, one day, broke that serenity and announced that we were moving to Texas. He then sold our house and away we went. . . to Dalton, Illinois, to live in my grandparents basement for 2 years because we didn't move to Texas.

It's been my father's dream, as long as I can remember, to move to Texas, so in his golden years, he is picking up and moving to a town called Robert Lee, Texas. From the map I looked at, it looks like it is about 2 hours west of Dallas (and maybe a little south).

So, off they go, on a golden years adventure. I wish them the best and trust maybe after all this time my dad will FINALLY be happier. I would love to see my dad happy, it's been a long time.

I wish them the best and warned them we will not be visiting in the summer, that is just TOOOO hot, but maybe we could go to Texas for Christmas, after all, there is a much less likelyhood that we would be stuck on an interstate for 13 hours like the last time we went north for Christmas (brrrrr.).

Recently Overheard at our house....

2006-02-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

Me: MB, go get your toothbrush and toothpaste so we can brush your teeth.
(MB runs and gets his toothbrush and toothpaste, brings them to me and then runs to turn off the bathroom light)
MB: (as he hands me the toothpaste)...Now mommy, don't start without me!

Ah kids.

Casting lots for chores

2006-01-28T09:36:00.000-08:00

Yeah Yeah....i'm that odd.
I had the kids cast lots to do chores and earn x-box time today. I was trying to think of a creative way to get them to help with chores without the ususal problems of nobody wanting to do the "hard stuff". We do not do allowance, frankly, we can not afford to pay them for work, but believe that if they live here, have beds, clothes and food, that they should be productive members of the household. We also do not feel they should play x-box all day. So, here, you have to do chores to earn x-box time.

Now that I have explained that, let me tell you what I did today. I offered the children the chance to roll the dice and get a chore and then roll the dice again and see how much time they could earn. Just to make it fun, one of the things they could earn was -30 mintues of x-box time. ...in other words, do the chore and LOSE x-box time. But on the cool end of things, they could also roll and get UNLIMITED x-box time this visit to the house and the next (they are my step-sons, we get them every other weekend).

The chores, assorted stuff like take down the Christmas lights from outside, clean out the van, put away the clean dishes....nothing HORRIBLE, just stuff that needs to be done.

SO, next time you are trying to find a fun way to get the kids to do something around the house, grab the dice from your games and cast a lot or two.

Will my future daughter-in-law please stand up.

2006-01-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

MB came into our room last night crying....nay, sobbing.....after being in bed about 10 minutes.

Me "honey what's wrong?"
MB "I....don't....know...who...I...am...going...to.....marry" (instert giant sob here).
Me (holding back laughter)....come here baby (insert climb onto our bed and sobbing as I hug him.

You see, I forgot to pray with him abut his wife last night because, as always, he interrupts when we pray and my back was killing be bending down between the 2 bunk beds. LOL. We pray everynight, mostly for the ususal...family, friends, ppl we know who are sick, his puppy, and lately I have been praying with him for his future wife. Yeah, I know it's a long way off. The kid is only 4-1/2 years old, but I want him to have God's best for him. He's a "needy" boy and I am working on that. I always pray that his wife will love God more than she loves MB because, honestly, she will need God more than my son, but prayerfully be committed to my son. Isn't that horrible to say. There has been enough "ugly" in our family histories and I don't want my boy or my future DIL to have to go through some of the crap DH and I or MIL and FIL have gone through...the chain breaks here as far as I am concerned. Back to our conversation.....

"MB, how old are you?"
"4"
"Okay. The youngest person I know who ever thought about getting married was 18. You have 14 years to pray for a wife still....hopefully longer. Can you not worry about that tonight?"
"but mommy, we forgot to pray for her."
"Okay, lets pray for her".
and we did.
Then we snuggled. (I LOVE that he still likes to snuggle).
"okay MB, time for bed. I love you."
"Love you too mommy"

once his bedroom door closed...I laughed my butt off! It was, after all, pretty darn funny. You without sin cast the first stone....you know you laugh at your kids too.

School daze, school daze, wonderful Golden Rule days....

2006-01-20T19:25:00.000-08:00

If you haven't figured it out yet, in August of this year (gulp) MB will start kindergarten along with thousands of other kiddos across the country. Like most parents, we are in the struggle to figure out where in the world to send our child to school. Should it be this hard? Private school, public school, home school, magnet school, montisori school, Christian school.....really, the options are endless...and the nausea begins.

Plop plop, fizz fizz oh what a relief it is.......(gulp). Ahhhh. Shake it off now. There, the Alka Seltzer is down and the headache is subsiding along with the tummy ache. Lets continue.

Did our parents have such a hard time figuring out what to do with us when it was time to turn 5 and begin the "formal" educational process? I don't think so. I think I remember my mother and every other mother dancing in the streets as we little tykes in our dresses or blue jeans boarded the big yellow bus for the first time, off to experience milk in tiny cartons and hot lunches that were anything but hot, fresh or tasty. Off to experiment with the taste of paste and how LONG we could play with the kitchen set before the teacher made us move to a different station and fight our battles when a boy named John H. who kissed girls when we played near the ditch in the playground. No...my mom was HAPPY SLAPPY to send me to public school through all my education. I even chose (financially) a state (gasp!) school for my college education. Honestly, I think I turned out okay.

But I don't know if I am just super duper paranoid or if things really are scarier sooner now, but I'm all fits and fidgets about sending MB to a public school, but we really can not afford the cost of a private or Christian school and after-care since school gets out before work gets out. So we are left with the conundrum of public school or bankruptcy if I stay home and home school (which was the original plan foiled a few months ago when I lost my work-from-home job).

Now, before you get all hot and bothered and start flaming me about public school, I will confess the one we are zoned for is okay. The teachers are kind, the principal is guarded but nice. I hear it is one of the best elementary schools in the district. All very good things...but again, I'm paranoid and worry about MB and dehydration and medications....and exposure to 22 kids in a classroom every day. That is my biggest fear.

The whole "Christian education" sounds great, but I know that bad stuff goes on there too.

I have to believe that God will watch my son. I know that I am responsible for supplementing my son's public school education with the truths of the Bible and the love of God. I know that it is my job to bathe my son in prayer, to pray for his teachers, principal, board of education and even the janitor....and believe me, I do. Right now he goes to a Christian woman's home every day I work and I know she takes care of him, but you know what...every day I drop him off I lay my hands on him and pray that God will watch over him and protect him and that GOD will guard my heart and let me trust HIM with my very precious monkey boy.

They are going to be exposed to LOTS of stuff, but with God all things are possible and I know, after all, that HE has a plan for my monkey boy and it is perfect, and nothing I do can thwart Him from His will.

Behold, the comfort of God.

The ugliest word ever.

2006-01-13T03:30:00.000-08:00

Cancer. That is it. You thought it was a cuss word. It may as well be. I am so SICK to death of hearing the word cancer because it is so vile to me.

My mom had breast cancer in 1996. She had a radical mastectomy and reconstruction and is doing well so far. (I watched the surgery on the Discovery Channel, it's amazing anybody survives that thing!!! Horrible. I learned 2 valuable lessons that day...1) don't ever watch a surgery you know somebody had on television and 2) you can use a crowbar for more than just pulling houses apart.) My mom's stock went up big time after I saw that on television (cable). Not only did she survive a hideous surgery, but she survived having her pain meds stolen by a random evening/overnight nurse at a Chicagoland hospital. How did she know what they gave her was a Tylenol with a 3 scratched into it.....the woman worked in a pharmacy for over 13 years. I think she knows the real thing. And yes, she did turn her in after she left the hospital. See, mom is smart!.

My dad is a cancer survivor. He had tongue cancer diagnosed in the 1990's (not sure exactly when). He had 1/3 of his tongue cut out and still has problems with swelling, but is cancer free.

I just found out my grandmother has breast cancer. She's over 80, so they are not doing anything for her, her health is too fragile already.

My great-aunt has advanced liver/kidney cancer.

I am part of a prayer group and everyday I get emails of people and tragic stories of kids and moms and young dads and grandmas and grandpas with cancer.

I have a sweet friend who is still struggling with skin cancer.

I found out yesterday that a very respected National MOPs leader has stage 4 ovarian cancer.

That word. I hate it. I am no longer standing still about it either. I am diligently praying against it in my own life. The chain stops here...it will not affect my family. I pray that your family is not affected by it or that it goes no further if you have already been beaten up by it.
I also have begun changing the way I eat and exercise to prevent that potential stronghold. I have never smoked, but was exposed to 2nd hand smoke all my childhood, but I refuse to let that win. I will ask my doctor for a mammogram next time I see her in April. I will schedule that darn Pap even though I don't want to do it. I will get rid of what I know will/can hurt me.
I declare war on cancer in my own life. I am not afraid of you, cancer, you have no place here!

Join me in the battle. Look at your life and see what you can change to prevent cancer and then pray with me that that word will fade from our vocabulary.

The newborn is gonna kill me

2006-01-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

The puppy that is. I really need puppy training advice or something. This dog (and the boy who owns it). Why is it that having a puppy in the house is worse than having a newborn and why is my husband so aggressively angry at this dog all the time like she should KNOW not to whine at 1:30, 2, 3:30, and 5am when we are trying to sleep?

Yes, that is her schedule. We have to keep her in a kennel during the day so she is very ready to play at night. She's a puppy, so I get it. I don't like it, but I understand. Now that we have this dog this is a sample day at my house, starting at bedtime so you really understand....
10:30p I go into the bedroom to unwind watching the grown up cartoons on Adult Swim (my guilty pleasure)
11:15p nothing else good on, lights out and sleep (the dog kennel is in our room so she does not think we are not here)
12:35a dog starts whining....somebody has to run her outside. I try to wait until DH does this.
1:30...more dog whining....more freezziinng cold taking the dog out.
2:30....dog starts whining again....DH throws a pillow at the dogs kennel and yells "Zelda, shut up.
2:32....pillow not affective in exploding the dog kennel like the bomb it was thrown to be...dog starts whining again. DH storms out of bed, shaking house, death grips dog from the cage and throws her outside.
3:30....yup, more dog whining....we both ignore her.
5 am....dog is whining again. Now I have had enough and I know how to shut her up. I take her out of the cage and outside. Then when she comes in I sit in the recliner, reset the alarm clock for 7:15 a after I give MB medicine and Zelda and I snuggle down on the recliner for a nap before I go to work.
7 am....DH gets up and runs across the room late for work.
7:15....alarm goes off and I have to get up, get MB ready for his 'job' at daycare and get myself ready for work.
7:35 a MB is up and should be eating, but instead he is whining loudly because Zelda is trying to eat his pullup while it is still on him.
7:36. Feed and water dog.
8 am...jump in shower for very fast shower before work.....ahhh silence...nope, that is MB standing outside the bathroom screaming bloody murder b/c the dog is trying to eat him again (she is playing, he's convinced he's dying....bad combination for angry mommy)
8:30 I'm now yelling at MB to get ready that we leave in 15 mintues. He is insisting that he is getting dressed. Tyring to prep dinner or start dinner if it is a crockpot dish.
8:40. I'm still trying to get ready, hair dripping wet, putting medicine and toys for the day into the daycare bag, yelling at MB regarding eating his oatmeal and where did he put his socks.
8:47...ok, we are late...where is the dog.....gotta put her in the kennel so I can go to work and come home to SOME house left.....where is the dog....come back here......I said come here (me lunging for the dog again)......Zelda......(insert whining from Sam because he STILL Does not have his socks or shoes on...he claims he does not know how).
8:48: mommy has a total meltdown and starts yelling. Suddenly shoes are on and dog willingly goes into kennel.
8:50 we are in the car and heading to the babysitter...oh man, where is my cell phone....lunch and/or cup of coffee.....
9am...drop MB at the sitter and hop back in car.
9:45....arrive at work, log in, breath.....
10a till 7 p.......work.
7:20, get home (or stop for whatever we need).
7:20:30 Hug boy, smootch dad and take dog outside for a walk so she will 1)not pee in the house and 2) be outside with somebody for a change, she likes that.
7:40 feed and eat dinner (make sure dog has eaten) and try to watch a little tv.
8:30, get boy in bed, movie started, do dishes, clean up a little, start a load of laundry and plan for tomorrow (heck, pray tomorrow gets better!)
10pm try to head toward the bedroom....
10:30...we are back at the beginning of the loop.

SO.......can anybody assess why I am so tired lately?

The tree is lonely and the dog has nothing to chew on

2005-12-26T14:31:00.000-08:00

Well, It has come and gone. Christmas day. I will start off the bat by hoping you had a great one and remembered the true meaning of Christmas....Presents. No, I kid... the birth of our Lord Jesus in a barn in the hay with stinking animals around him and the awe of his mother Mary and the man assigned to be his father on earth, Joseph and the true protection of God the Father as God the Son came to earth to teach us how to live.

In our house, I am always striving for ways to make sure that in the hustle and bustle of Christmastime the children in my care do not miss the above truth. This year I may have overdone it, but I know MB "got it" if you will. It started with a frantic search for an Advent calendar. You remember the kind we grew up with. A paper calendar with 25 windows on it, one for each day beginning December 1st through Christmas day when you opened the window to find the Baby Jesus "asleep on the hay". Have you tried looking for one lately? Not a lot of the "religious" Bible story of Jesus coming to earth, but I did find a few with Santa and presents behind all 25 doors, but that, my dear friends, was NOT what I wanted or needed. I needed spiritual truth and depth not a teddy bear and a jack in the box. I DID find a beautiful Italian-made wood advent calendar with all of the appropriate pieces that you put onto the teenie tiny nails in the stable scene..and I'm thankful to say Jesus, Mary and Joseph were not blonde haired blue eyed people. THAT is a huge relief and a discussion (rant) for a different time. But it did not provide enough "edutainment" value for a 4-1/2 year old. Maybe I underestimate his attention span...but part of me yearns to share truth with the step kids who are only here 1 week before (or sometimes after) Christmas too, so no, though I will keep my beautiful Italian Advent calendar, I had to find something different.

I found it just in time for the week before Christmas (I held out on you to see how it went over). It was WONDERFUL. It's called "What God wants for Christmas". You can get it from Focus on the Family (go to www.focusonthefamily.com) but I got mine at WalMart. I just happened up on it and knew about it and thought "what the heck....I gotta get this on a 4 year old level". In this box you will get a harder than heck to keep open manger scene (pop up), 7 boxes and a story book. You can do this any way you like, but for us, we started a few days later than I wanted and since MB is OOH so impatient, we read 2 characters per day.

Day 1 is the angel Gabriel (don't get on me about the angel looking like a woman, yes, I had a HUGE issue with that) and Day 2 is Mary. MB got to put them both in the stable wherever he wanted while Mamaw read the stories of Gabriel coming to tell us the story and Mary about the baby Jesus. Day 2 Mary finds out about the baby. The 3rd day is Gabriel telling Joseph his role in this saga. (biggest brother opened that box) Day 4 (Big brother opened that box) we meet the baby Jesus (at least, again, he is not blue eyed and blonde haired). Day 5 (opened by Uncle J) is the shepard coming to worship Jesus and day 6 (opened by MB) is the wise men (though they only have 1 they do talk about the 3).

Day 7 was the hardest day. Day 7 (which MB had a screaming hissy fit about when I told him he had to wait till the day we opened the presents to open) contains what God wants for Christmas. I'll tell you...it's a mirror in box 7. Yes, what God wants for Christmas is YOUR HEART.

Now I hear you saying "mommaria, that is too simple". Sure, but isn't the gift of God simple to receive. You betcha! Did Monkey boy get it. Yes he did. Did he give God his heart? Not yet. I don't think he totally understands it all yet (age of accountability and all that good stuff we can debate for hours if you don't agree). However, today, 4 days after we opened presents, (yes, we did that earlier than most. We only had the step sons till Christmas day and how horrible to open presents and then not get to play with them before you have to go home to your momma's house) I asked MB what God wanted for Christmas...know what he said? ME and YOU and Mamaw and EVERYBODY (added with arms flowing in big circles and dramatic flair!). You see, he GOT it. I GOT what I wanted so desperately. I know that my son knows that Christmas is so much more than the stuff he got and the food that he ate and the family that was here. That may be important, but you know what...that is not IT. MB got IT. In fact, while we were in church 45 minutes before services started (I had the wrong time again in my head...LOL) he said "mommy, lets sing Happy Birthday to Jesus!".

SO Jesus, Happy Birthday and may we be able to celebrate many more with understanding that it's not about us...it's about what YOU want for Christmas, which happens to be US.

FAMILY CHRISTMAS LETTERS YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE

2005-12-19T15:51:00.000-08:00

Every year you get them. Letters about all the fun stuff your friends and family have been doing all year while your year was ho-hum at best. Here is the Family Christmas letter I really want to see...you know, honest and ugly.

Merry Christmas to you all.
Well, Mary asked me to do this letter this year and we had a great big fight about it. I told her that she would be lucky if I remembered what we had for dinner last night, but she said she would never let me touch her again if I did not write the family letter, so here I go. She has given me some event ideas, but I'm doing this my own way.

Lets start with the kids. Stuart started school this year. He was so far behind that the teachers recommended we wait till he was 7 to start him in kindergarten. I don't think this will affect him negatively. He is now the biggest kid in the class and I dare anybody to laugh at him. He finally knows his colors and can write his own name. He is still trying to read Dick and Jane. I try not to laugh. Sometimes I can't make it.

Stuart's big brother Jake just got into the 5th grade chior. Darn kid can't carry a tune with a bucket but the teacher wanted to be nice. It's a shame...he sang Jingle Bells so loudly in the school's Holiday Celebration I was proud! I did, however, teach him the alternative phrasing. I bet next year she will let him play the triangle.

And Sissy, well, Sissy is 16 now. Hard to believe. She is not getting a car, ever. I will make sure of that. She took driver's education but flunked when she ran into the teachers lounge while taking the range portion of the test. I bet they don't build the new teacher's lounge so close to the driving range again. Don't worry about Sissy, she will be out of the body cast and back in the passenger's seat by January.

The wife is just as she always is. I sure wish she'd stay out of the Christmas Pudding if you know what I mean. Santa may have to leave his suit behind for her if she bakes any more of those cookies. She wants to take a trip to the ocean this year. I told her we could do it in January to save money. We can just dress warmly. She refuses to shower before noon or clean the house. I am not sure when the last time the toliet was clean is. But don't mention the mess. That's all I gotta say.

And me...well, I imagine after she reads this letter I will be in traction for a while, which will be a good thing. Maybe I'll be in a coma so I can finally have some peace and quiet around here. What's a guy gotta do to be left alone. Honey.....what are you doing.....put the cast iron skil......

This is Mary. As usual, no help from the "big man of the house". I want to invite you all to come visit us this holiday season and as for John, ignore him if he does not recognize you. The goose egg should be gone in a week or 2 and the doctor says the memory loss should be temporary. Can't wait to see you all. Watch out for the Christmas lights outside. John got lazy and they are all heaped in a pile in the middle of the yard, but the dog dragged some into the driveway.

Merry Christmas.
The Family.

I have come to the conclusion that I am a terrible mommy.

2005-12-19T15:42:00.000-08:00

No, really, no protestings my dear blog readers....I shall have to confess many things in my life, and this one is true.

I have recently become a digital camera printer owner (thanks K, you know who you are) and I FINALLY got a print cartridge. So I dug through pics of MB and printed a few out to hang in my cubicle at work, you know, to remind me why I am here and how much I miss hanging out with him. But as usual, I digress.

I realized today that my MB is almost 5 (okay, so I have till May) but I am YET to get a professional (or even semi-professional) 4 year old picture of him. Yeah yeah, I hear ya. Lady you have over 5 months to get this done, but you don't understand dear friend. I usually do this right before he turns his new year. It's a progressive picture sort of thing. He has gone from cute baby to almost school boy and I missed the transition because I just never got around to it. *sigh*. I'm a terrible mommy.

There I confessed it but don't feel any better. I thought about combining Christmas and 4 year old shots, but that would just immortalize my laziness and slackerhood. If I do them separately now that is too much money at once. What is a mom on a budget to do?

I need to bite the bullet and find the time to get his 4 year old shots done.
Then maybe I can start on my Family Christmas letter, from last year, after all Christmas is not here yet.

How do you spell SLACKER...>MOMMARIA~!!!! (and don't you forget it!)

when you find something awesome, it's nice to share

2005-12-16T05:50:00.000-08:00

SO I have a secret I have kept for 1 month and i'm busting with it because I know it can help so many more people.

We are having steak for Christmas. Now before you sigh, roll your eyes and 'walk' away to another blog, stick with me a minute. We are having steak for Christmas because my Mother-in-law (whom I adore) turned me on to a WONDERFUL ministry called Angel Food Ministires. Go ahead, type that into your browser when we are done here www.angelfoodministries.com and see what happens. This is what will happen. You will open a web page to a wonderful food ministry. If you are struggling to feed your family or a friend or family member is struggling to feed their family this is the site for you (I hope). What is it, you ask before you look. It is a church ministry that buys food in bulk based on "units" sold and provides the units to you at a low cost of $25. What do you get for $25. Go look. It changes every month, but I guarantee you would probably be spending $100 or more on it at the grocery store. Oh, and there are specials every month, that is where the steak for Christmas comes in. December's specials were Strip steaks (6 -10 oz) for $18. We are having steak baby!!!

You see my excitement here, right?! So go check it out, spread the word and feed your family. There are no income guidelines and this is not a government hand out....you do have to pay for it when you order it (though you could use food stamps to pay for it) I will pick up our food this Saturday and let you know how that goes since this is our first month doing this. The new menu is available now and is this :

(1) 5 lbs. Chicken Leg Quarters(1) 1.5 lbs. Boneless Pork Tenderloin(1) 3 lbs. Chicken Breast Filets(2) 1 lb. Ground Turkey(1) 1 lb. Ground Beef(1) 2 lb. Chicken Tenders(1) 14 oz. Philly Steaks(1) 12 oz. All Meat Hot Dogs(1) 17 oz. Birds Eye Simply Grillin'
(1) 2 lb. Shredded Hash Browns(1) 1 lb. Cut Broccoli(1) 1 lb. Carrots(1) 16 oz. 16-Bean Soup Mix(1) 7.5 oz. Mac & Cheese(1) 7 oz. Pancake Mix(1) Dozen Eggs(1) Dessert ...

all of that for $25 and you can buy as many units as you would like, 1, 2, 10, whatever you need. To find out if there is a distribution church near you go to the host sites tab and look for your state and then a place near you.

If this helps one person (and I know it will) it was worth it.
Merry Christmas!

Wow, it's been a while hasn't it.

2005-12-09T17:19:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the disappearing act, but wow has life been slipping by quickly. It has nothing to do with the holiday season because I have not really done much. Yes the house is decorated and the tree is up. I even managed to bake cookies (but they are gone already, but really there were not many to begin with).

I started the new job and it sucked the brain right out of me. INTENSE training in 2 weeks and then thrown into the deep end of the pool with no water wings is how I describe my last 2 weeks. I got my desk assignment today (I control the thermostat in our corner of the world...be ready for snow babies around me LOL). I am surrounded by guys...loud guys except my cubicle neighbor..he's very quiet.

Not much else really going on but a lot of adjusting to change. I got my new schedule and it is full of change again. Did I ever mention I am not a big fan of change?

We had the working holiday dinner....and I say holiday because it incorporated EVERYBODY not just Christmas. I hate the whole politically correct holiday misnomer, but in the case where it truly is inclusive, fine...but people, it is a Christmas tree no matter what Governor Goober in Tennessee wants to call. If it's got Jesus in a stable, it's not a holiday display, its a Christmas Nativity scene.

enough of that rant. I am tired, sore and full of holiday fried chicken. I need to get into the attic to get and wrap the presents and figure out what to wear to the company Christmas party tomorrow night. Yep, Christmas party. It's been 5 years since I have been to one...I'm nervous excited...what will I wear???

I'll let you know how it goes whether or not you care. I just missed you and wanted to let you know I was still around.

I've been tagged by Military Wife...so here it goes!

2005-11-28T18:42:00.000-08:00

I should start by saying I love being tagged. It's like PE in grade school all over again but without the shame if nobody tagged me or getting picked last.

What I was doing10 years ago: 10 years ago I was living proof that a person can walk away from a pulmonary embolism unscathed (but scared), working at a radio station that just did not appreciate me at all and watching my mother fight a battle with breast cancer which, I am happy to say, she is still winning.

5 years ago: Five years ago I just found out I was pregant when I was told that would never happen. The happiest day of my life to be exact. I told that little baby growing there that he was the most wanted baby in the world and FIGHT...he has never stopped.

1 year ago: Working a job I hated but needed and working too hard for too little pay. I was also loving being a work-from-home mom, well, at least a mom. LOL.

Yesterday: Trying to figure out what I was going to wear today for the first day of my new job and wondering if I would EVER fall asleep. I did with the help of a Benadryl at 2 am and had to get up at 5:15.

5 snacks I enjoy: I enjoy popcorn, dark chocolate, coffee, ice cream and hot buttered bread, all of which I very seldomly get because I just shouldn't except the coffee. I also like sour patch kids. LOL.

5 Song I know all the words too:
Hmm... Any song by Charlie Peacock or Margaret Becker, Any Pink Floyd song, Stairway to Heaven by Led Zepplin and for some reason, going through my head as I try to answer this is Jenny (8675309)......why....why... oh the humanity!

5 Things I would do with $100 million:
1) Pay off the bills including house and car.
2) Buy houses for my family and a sprawling ranch for us (with a basement)
3) Give each family member 1 million
4) Tithe...oh would my paster LIKE that one!!
5) Start a charitible organization, philanthropy baby, while living off the interest.

5 locations I would like to run away to:
1) Sicily.
2) Lithuania.
3) Ireland
4) Hawaii
5) Chicago. LOL...I know, I'm pathetic, but I love Chicago.

5 bad habits I have:
1) Eating things I shouldn't
2) Not exercising like I should.
3) Not sleeping enough ever
4) Thinking too much.
5) Assuming the worst case scenerio will happen

5 things I like doing:
1) Teaching the 1 year old Sunday School Class.
2) Playing with kids.
3) Sleeping.
4) Cooking, not baking, cooking.
5) snuggling with DH.

TV shows I like: CSI, the original, Robot Chicken though they really need to put it on earlier, Biggest Loser, Survivor, and I'm again ashamed to admit, Family Guy.

Biggest joys of the moment:
1) That MB is still with us and doing great afteralmost 3-1/2 years post transplant.
2) I have a good job with a great company.
3) I found good in-home daycare for MB with a friend.
4) That I have friends here finally after 7 years.
5) That DH and I have survived and managed not to kill one another and we will be married 7 years this July. I love this guy more and more.

Now, I get to tag 5 people....so here we go.

Tamwill...where are ya? I believe you are still here somewhere
Little dreamer....yeah, you ....blog already would ya.
Karmon....please.
Hunzer you out here? Missing your cranky pants
and
Shannon. I'd love to learn more about you.

Thanks people.

Simple question today

2005-11-25T09:46:00.000-08:00

If people are crazy enough to freeze their bottoms off standing in line for a few discounts (and other mark ups) at 4 am the day after thanksgiving at a retail store why don't grocery stores follow the retailers lead and have giant mark downs on food the day after thanksgiving when we have spent our food bugets for 2 weeks on one meal? Now THAT I'd stand in line for. Sorry retail, I've done your lines once and that was enough.
*grumbling to self* people getting trampled for the latest toys...people, what have we become???

My Thankful Post

2005-11-24T07:23:00.000-08:00

This is going to seem like a total update post, but they are all things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving day, and I am only scratching the surface here:

1) Soldier J is home, safe, has a new job and his family is all together again. V and baby K are back in the same home with Soldier J and God brought him back to us whole. In a war where there are so many who are not so lucky, I am thankful Soldier J is back. I am also immensely grateful for his sacrifice as well as the sacrifices of everybody involved in this war to give another country something to be thankful for.

2) Our little friend Andrew had his adnoid/tonsil surgery and now is sleeping well without apnea. He also had a G tube placed so the yellow, ugly NG tube is out of his face for good. I can't wait for his momma to send me some pictures of that little guy without the tube. He's such a sweetie. I am thankful Andrew is healthier than he has ever been and his mom can now enjoy being and OUTPATIENT mom instead of the usual "freak-me-out-cause-my-kid-stopped-breathing-and-turned-blue" inpatient mom. A whole new life girl. Get ready for some freedom you didn't think you had coming. I am also thankful our guys are still with us and still fighting.

3) I am thankful I have a new job that starts Monday. I'm a bit nervous, but excited. Lots of changes rolling down the line, but God is faithful and we will make it work. I am thankful for my job.

I am thankful for food, water, a place to live, friends, neighbors, good health, the ability to walk, see and that I can take things for granted.

I am thankful for my church body, my pastors, the kids in my Sunday school class.

I am thankful for cashiers that get up at 4 am so people can shop tomorrow at 5. I am thankful I don't have to be one of them.

I am thankful you are reading this now because it means you are still among the people I call friend.

I am thankful for my husband who DOES work hard even though I take him for granted too and assume he enjoys his life. I am thankful for my step sons that they are growing up and discovering who THEY are. I am thankful for Monkey Boy that he is independent yet still needs his momma. I am thankful for my in-laws because they are just plain awesome. I am thankful for my parents that they are there when I need to talk.

I could really prattle on all day, but I promised DH I would bring him some of the apple coffee cake I made this morning and MB needs a new strap for his glasses (we lost it at the doctors office yesterday). SO

HAPPY THANKSGIVING. What are you thankful for?